What is your 6/7 year old's morning/evening routine - am I way off?

[SarahAndQuack]

Long story short: DP and I are splitting up; we've never agreed about various parenting issues, and it's been a factor in the split. I do believe DP is a genuinely caring, committed parent, but I'm not happy with the routines (or lack of routines) that we've ended up in, and I see the split as a good opportunity to introduce some beneficial changes.

I'd love to know about other people's routines, and what you think is really crucial or beneficial. For example, when is bedtime? When is dinner? How do you organise screen time?

I'm lucky in that we live very close to school, so there's no real school run. DD does a couple of after-school activities but is usually out of school at 3.20. I'd really appreciate knowing what you do and what you think is most important.

Thanks!

Honestly, I’m fine with some tv & I think she needs it. We do so many activities & at weekend, we’re out walking or out places. Plus YR3 is full on so relaxing & watching a bit of tv is good for her in combination with the rest :)

Good luck!

My 7 year old wakes about 6 but has a gro clock that doesn’t light up until 630 so stays in her room till then (but unfortunately not always very quietly…)

Then breakfast, teeth, brush hair; gets dressed in front of TV because it distracts and calms her (she has sensory issues stemming from ASD). Leave for school at 8.30.

After school she has a big snack (e.g banana on toast) as often doesn’t eat much at school. We only do one weekly after school activity (swimming) as she’s usually very tired out by school. She’ll watch a bit of TV, play in garden or have play date with neighbour’s children until dinner at about 5.30. Then homework, play with a parent, bath every other night, glass of milk and in bed around 8pm.

DD1 is 6 (almost 7)

She gets up at 7am

Breakfast is toast, museli or Weetabix and a glass of milk. She sits and eats that while watching cartoons in the morning and I get myself ready. So she has an hour of chill out time essentially in the morning.

8am we go back upstairs to get ready for school, brush teeth etc.

Leave for school at 8.30am as it's a short walk away.

Four out of five nights a week she has either after school club or activities. If at after school club they feed her a snack, if home before an activity she is allowed to help herself to the fruit bowl, yoghurt or cheese from the fridge so tends to have some variation of that for an after school snack.

When we go to one of her activities we're back home for 6pm and I have dinner on the table within ten minutes as she's hungry by that point. We tend to just eat something super quick like mushrooms/egg on toast or fresh pasta with a jar of sauce or jacket potatoes I've cooked already and kept in the fridge warmed up with some beans or tuna those nights.

If she's been at after school club she has had a bigger snack there, we're home for 5.30pm and she eats a smaller "tea" like crumpets and fruit or a sandwich.... something like that.

TV is always off for 6.30pm and we have half an hour of reading or doing quick homework.

Go up to bed at 7pm for quick bath, teeth brushed and into PJs, tucked in for 7.30pm and she's allowed to read her book until 8pm at which time it's lights out.

We don't really limit screen time as it's naturally reduced because of her activities/after school club. She probably watches too much but I'm reasonably relaxed as long as she's doing well at school and keeping active.

Life is pretty busy during the week so the weekends are kept purposefully free as far as possible. We do an hour of homework on a Saturday morning and then the day is ours to chill. We always watch a film together on a Saturday night and also a documentary on a Sunday like the new Planet Earth 3.

The kids (4 and 7) wake up between 6 and 7.

On a day when we're both working (3x week), they watch their tablets and have some breakfast while we caffeinate and get ready, then one of us (usually DH) gets them ready and drop them off at breakfast club for around 8. Those days they also do after school club where they get a hot meal. One of us picks them up around 5:45, they have a small snack sometimes, then showers and bedtime for about 7/7:30.

On our non working days, it's more relaxed in the morning and they will do some playing at home before we leave. When we get home, on my non working day, I usually set up a craft activity for them to do, then they have dinner at about 5, then the 7 year old goes to Beavers. On DH's non working day, he takes them to their swimming lessons pretty much straight after school and then home for dinner around 5.

Every night I leave out their uniform, down to their pants and socks, in piles according to child. They get up at 6.30 have cereal, brush teeth and get dressed. I'll do tricky buttons, tuck everyone in, do the girls' hair. Any snacks and water bottles for school will have been left out the night before.

We go to school and I drop them at breakfast club as I start work early.

I pick them up around 4, and I let them have half an hour of TV while I sort some bits and bobs out around the house, eg make dinner. They do half an hour of homework then a bit of music practise. They eat dinner then get ready for bed.

If they have clubs after school, it's as above minus the TV. Pyjamas and teeth brushed around 7/7.30. They read aloud or to themselves, sometimes we will read to them. Lights out no later than 8.30.

I feel like I need to tighten the routines up as it still feels a bit loose but generally it's pretty stable and we generally get what we need to do, done.

Something I want to incorporate more is baths/showers but I haven't found a way to get that consistently into our evening routine without it being a draining and exhausting affair. My kids fight bath time and once they are in the bath won't get out. Our shower doesn't work very well and so we tend to just have baths. Sometimes I don't have the fight in me but really want to find a way to get all 3 of my kids to have a proper wash regularly without feeling like I'm using my last ounce of mental and physical energy! At present, when I force the mid week wash, I end up a very cross and shouty mum and it's just a horrible way to end the day! It just tips me.over the edge!

My DD eats breakfast before getting dressed, as do I, otherwise we'd be liable to get food down our clothes and look a state. Just can't do clothes first.

At that age our dc would get up, washed and dressed before coming downstairs for breakfast. After breakfast they woke, brush their teeth and get shoes on and bags and coats ready. If there was any spare time they could, watch some TV but it was only ever for a few minutes.

They went to a childminder and I would pick them up at about 5.15, they would have had tea with the CM. There would be a variety of activities some nights e.g. swimming, Beavers etc. If not we’d do some reading for school, watch TV, play in the garden etc and they’d have a snack after that , something like cheese and crackers, toasted fruit bread etc and then a quick bath, story and bed. Bedtime was 7.30 at 7 years old.

Homework was generally done on weekends and things like spellings and times tables when we were in the car together.

Thanks all, this is so helpful - lots of ideas I am storing away.

@Canwehaveaminute - OMG, I relate to that 'won't get in the bath then won't get out' dynamic. DD hates going in the shower but once in, you have to prise her out like a limpet.

Urgh it just takes my last drops of tolerance. I cannot cope with it.

7 year old and 5 year old (Y2 and Y1)

7am - both get up, brush teeth and get dressed
7.30(usually earlier) - breakfast, spellings, mental arithmetic practice
8am - leave for school

3.45-4pm - arrive home and snack/dinner (depending on how hungry they are). Homework
5pm - activities on days they have evening activity otherwise play
6-6.30pm snack/dinner (depending on what they had earlier) then shower
7pm - read with younger one while older reads to themself.
7.30pm - younger goes sleep, read with older one
8pm - 7year old goes sleep

There are variations such as when they both go Beavers which doesn’t finish until 7pm but this is roughly the routine. We do our best to make sure they do spelling, mental arithmetic and reading every single school day

DD is 8.

On weekdays, she gets up between 7 and 7.30. She can watch tv if she wants, but usually just curls up on the sofa (she’s not a morning person!). Breakfast is at 7.45, eaten at the table. Upstairs by 8 to get ready for school, out of the house by 8.30. One of us gets her ready (mostly supervision at this age) while the other gets dressed and does the school run (I was on supervision duty this morning so I’m just taking a break before getting ready to start work myself!).

After school routine varies:

Afterschool club days (2 per week): snack at after school club, home at 6, dinner around 6.30.

Activity day: Go straight from school (snack on the way), home around 5.30, chill out time (tv, ipad, computer game), dinner around 6.30

Other days: Might go to the park after school with friends, depending on the weather, but once we get home it’s usually screens for longer than I’d like while I get stuff done around the house. Dinner at 6.30.

Bedtime routine is upstairs at 7.30 (earlier if it’s bath night - three times a week), some reading time, usually in bed by 8.30 (there can be a lot of faffing about from DD). This is the latest I’d allow - I think 10
is far too late.

Homework is done on Saturday morning. DD has classes on Saturday and Sunday (dance/ swimming) and the rest of the weekend is fairly unstructured. Often go out to meet friends/ go to the playground/ go to the library around the class times.

DH is more relaxed on screen time than me, and I worry DD is losing interest in other activities. I try to limit it naturally by arranging activities/ being out of the house. DD is quite routine-driven and likes to know the plan for every day, even if it’s just ‘swimming this morning/ park this afternoon’

Forgive me if this sounds rude, but am I right in remembering that you come from a more middle-class background then your DP, and this has made you wary of imposing your preferences/ criticising the way she parents? Apologies if I’ve got you mixed up with another person!

Hi I know you're not specifically asking for advice but I work with children and I think it's always really helpful (and evidence based) to get children to contribute to what's going to happen. Much more likely for her to be on board with any changes. For example, DD we need to change things, let sit down together and agree what we feel our routine should be. You'd be surprised how children can be very sensible when it comes to screen time amount. You could agree the amount, half hour, hour/2 or whatever and ask when she'd like to have it. You could then write it down on a giant piece of paper and decorate it so your partner will be following the same routine. On a side note I think screen time in the morning is best avoided, its so hard to get out the door when you want to continue watching something and often parents help their child get dressed and they don't learn to develop those getting ready skills themselves.

My son is 5. Our routine is wake up at 7am, get dressed, breakfast at 7.30, brush teeth leave at 8am (breakfast club). No organised afternoon activities. Come home from school, have snack (toast/crumpet/Bagel and fruit) do reading and then play. Half an hour to an hour of screentime after 4.30. Eat dinner at 5.30. Playtime after dinner. Bed at 7.30/8. I don't want to be rushing around to clubs etc (and can't afford to) so this seems to work very well for us.

I have a 5 and a 10 year old. In the morning, they wake anytime between 7-8am. They watch tv and eat breakfast, play, get dressed for school (in various orders). We leave for school 8:30-840am.

Home by 3:45. Sometimes older one may go to a friend's house. Other times they have friends come over. Generally, unless it's raining, I try to keep them outside as much as possible until dark/dinner time. But if inside, they will play or watch tv. I am not precious about watching tv, but I do guard 'screen time' on devices (ipad) quite closely. I don't think watching a show on tv and often playing at the same time causes issues. It's the mindless games on a device, scrolling, YouTube (though youngest doesn't have access), or annoying chatter with friends (older one can message friends who also have phones or ipads).

Dh and I are busy with work or animals (we have lots of animals, including farm animals) until it's time to cook dinner, so they mostly have to fend for themselves between 4-6pm.

Dinner is usually about 7pm. Up to bath time by 8pm and in bed by 8:30-9pm. My 5 year old is usually asleep by 9-9:30pm. No tv/screens after dinner usually.

Youngest one goes to sleep later now than he used to, as in he takes longer to fall asleep once he's actually in his room. But the routine and timings have been the same since he was probably a young toddler. Because dh and I work, it's been normal to not really start cooking dinner until 6pm, so it means later dinner, bath, bedtime and has been that way forever.

Home 4pm
Play with toys or watch tv 4-5
Tea 5pm
Homework 530pm
Switch 6-7
Tv or Tablet 7-730
Get ready for bed 739
Bed 8

He's 8 years old

Ok mine is age ten and I can’t remember exactly what we did at age 7 but in case it’s useful, below is what we do now. My main advice to you is to cut the screentime and make sure there is enough time for freeplay.

7am up, I cook a hot breakfast while she plays (usually she makes up stories and dances around)

8am leave for school

4 home from school, she plays alone (trampoline / train set / listen to music / read comics) for a bit then comes to me and we hang out and chat about our days.

Approx 6pm dinner

More freeplay / chat. Might play cards.

8pm bath
8.20 snack (bowl of granola and glass of milk)
Reading in bed
9pm lights out.

Have tried earlier bedtimes but then she just wakes at 5am, hopefully your child sleeps more than mine!

We leave homework until Saturday then do it all in the afternoon but that may not work for you.

Screentime is strictly weekends only plus Wednesday after school here.

6 and 9 year old who need strict morning routine
Weekday morning:
wake 6.45 (9 year old already awake but reads in bed)
Dress, hair, teeth before downstairs for 7.20 to lay table
Breakfast 7.30-7.50
We used to do spellings after breakfast but it was feeling quite rushed so we've stopped and fit them in after school and weekends
8.15 walk to school
Breakfast club morning they get up and dressed at same time, but we only have quick snack like cereal bar then it's in the car for 7.45.

After school routine depends on activities timings and whether they are in wrap around care. Me or DH walk or drive home from school, via the park in the summer. Then it's a snack at home which is anything from fruit, biscuits, sweets, cheese and crackers, whatever is in the house! Then it's usually free play while we work some more, make tea or do household stuff. They are expected to amuse themselves as it's usually only 30-60 mins so they play in garden, watch TV, do drawing but we may play a game together or do spellings if there is time.

We restrict tablet time to one or two school evenings for 20 mins each, maybe another session at the weekend of 30-45 mins. To be honest we don't have much time at home during the week due to our work and their activities so we don't need to have strict policing of screen time.

We either eat at 5pm before their later activities like Brownies and Beaver. (Often just the kids, then me and DH will have a meal once they're in bed) If it's an earlier activity we all eat together about 6pm. Then bath, play.

After a late activity it's straight to bed, lights out at 8pm after a short story or chat for my 6 year old. The older doesn't sleep well so stays in their bedroom reading or listening to audio books until 9.30pm.

On nights when there isn't an activity we do a longer bedtime starting about 6.45 where DH and I take one child each and chat, play, read stories until 7.30ish. Then same as above, 6 year old reads in bed (the Smyth Catalogue is a favourite at the minute!).

Weekends and school holidays we make them stay in their bedrooms until 6.45 then they are allowed to go downstairs and watch TV. DH and I get up about 7.30, we all eat breakfast about 8am in PJ then it's a day out, walk, visiting friends and family in other cities, household stuff, shopping.

Bedtimes on Saturday night and holidays is later, perhaps we watch a film together until 8.30, or the kids stay up and play together, or family board game. So long as they're settled down by 8.30/ 9ish in their own rooms that's fine by us!

Sundays we are out the door for 7.30am for early swimming lessons, then home for breakfast then off to football training or a match until lunchtime. We try not to do much structured stuff on sunday afternoon so everyone gets some down time, so TV, playing, park, baking, craft.

We do have a breakfast routine, porridge is always Monday as I have time to wash up as I don't start work until 9, Tuesdays it's cereal as it's DH on his own, Wednesday it's eggs or cereal, thurs cereal bar before breakfast club, Friday we get shopping delivered early so it's usually crumpets, croissant, fruit loaf. Weekends we are more adventurous so will make scotch pancakes, posh yoghurt and fruit, or bacon rolls.

We are not very routine driven.

The 6 yr old wakes any time between 0530 and 0700, normally when my alarm goes odff at 0645 if he is tired. He comes in to our bed in the middle of the night so is with me anyway.

Downstairs, he normally pootles around, sometimes watches TV while I get breakfast and make packed lunches x 4. School days breakfast is normally CHeerios as he needs Movicol every day and I put that in the milk to sneak it past him.

Big kids appear between 0700 and 0730, the 13 yr old isn't a breakfast person, the 11 yr old will have some toast or cereal and they will sit together/bicker etc. We have a large kitchen diner so we are all in the same room.

All back upstairs to dress, big kids go with one parent at 0800 and the other helps 6 yr old dress, do teeth, pack bag etc to leave at around 0825.

I will tidy up when I get back as I work from home.

After school he has clubs 3 days, one of which is at school so just a later pickup.

Normally home, snack (piece of fruit and a biscuit or similar, maybe a packet of crisps). If weather ok outside on trampoline, if not cause chaos indoors, craft, watch TV etc.

Big kids get home, they often have a friend or two with them while waiting for activities so he may play with them.

Dinner (not a great eater), more playing/TV.

Bath a few times a week (always a Sunday and a Wednesday, then another 1, maybe 2, scattered around).

Read in bed together, cuddle to sleep.

In the summer this is very different, as we will often go to the beach or family for a swim after school as well, so that takes all the play/TV time during the week.

My 7 year old
Wakes any time between 6 and 7.30, usually around 7 but not always.
Is allowed to watch tv in the mornings as long as eating/getting dressed is still happening. If they zone out too much the tv goes off!
I use Alexa to prompt them, have routines set to finish eating, finish getting ready, time to brush teeth etc. It’s more because otherwise I get caught up in emptying dishwasher or putting washing on etc and then suddenly realise we have 4 minutes until we need to leave and ds is only half dressed and dd hasn’t eaten yet so it keeps me aware of the time as well.
We leave the house at 8.15 and get home from school around 3.45.

After school dd goes back out for activities 2 days a week so try to get reading etc done beforehand, another day we go straight from school to swimming lessons for them both and don’t get home until 6. Apart from that their time is their own really, in the summer they seem to play more, in the winter they’re more likely to watch tv or play on the tablet. We sit together to eat dinner around usually 5.30/6 but depends on the day and what activities they have.
At 7 Alexa announces the time and that it will be time for bed in 30 minutes, at 7.30 that it’s time for bed. Then we go upstairs and do shower/pyjamas/teeth, their reading if they haven’t already, a story from us if they want one and into bed by 8 usually. 7 year old sometimes reads in bed for a bit but is often pretty tired by this point so goes straight to sleep.

Up at 7 am, have breakfast, mess around getting ready
Leave house at 8am for school

Kids home at half four
Dinner at half five
Bath/chill before bed at 7.30pm

Kids are 6 and 9

Up at 7.30, breakfast, dressed etc and off to school.
3.30 school finishes, home, has lunch (Sandwich, yoghurt, a couple of snacks), we go to the horses but he usually goes on his tablet during this time, homework while dinner cooks, dinner between 5-7pm depending on what we're doing. Bath a few times a week, Bedtime about 7.30/8pm. Not a set routine, times are flexible, goes to bed whenever is appropriate.

Evenings vary depending on clubs etc but my 6 year old has very low sleep needs so we tend to eat a bit later (6:30 or 7) and she goes to bed about half 8 and tends to read for a while.

Mornings, up about 6:50, porridge for breakfast, dressed and hair done as quickly as possible so she has time to play. Sometimes she watches tv in this time, usually plays with her toys. 7:55 teeth and out of the door around 8.

Mine is younger but I can’t see it changing any time soon:

Morning:
Wakes at 7, never hungry when he wakes so he has a drink, sometimes he gets in our bed and puts the tv on and other times he goes downstairs and plays with his toys.
Breakfast 7.30, toast and fruit or cereal.
8am brush teeth, dressed.
DH and him leave at 8.25 for school and then DH goes to work. I either leave for the office or log on at home.

Evening:
DH picks him up and they’re home by 3.30. In the summer DH took him to the park after school and he’s looking for new things to do through winter.
At the moment though DS has free play with toys, and DH sometimes plays with him or tidies up if he’s happy on his own, sometimes they play some board games. DS has a snack after school and just chooses what he wants, invariably it’s crackers, nuts or fruit but sometimes he asks for a biscuit.
Tea is at 5.30pm and DH makes this, DS either watches tv while he’s making it or helps him.
I’m always home or logged off by 5.30.
Bath is between 6-6.30pm.
After bath is Snack (yoghurt, banana or crackers) and milk and stories, then teeth, then he reads his school book to whoever is doing bedtime.
We leave his room at 7.15 and he listens to his Yoto.
Invariably he’s asleep by 7.30/8pm.

The only thing I can see changing is after school clubs, which I think we’ll look to start after Xmas.

No restrictions on screens, he’s never on his tablet through the week and probably watches about 30 mins of tv a day, maybe a bit more. Much more relaxed on weekends but we’re always out and about so again, no need to restrict. No restrictions on food either so long as he eats his meals.

Will your DP be having regular contact?

The reason I ask is because of differing parenting styles is a factor in splitting up, this will continue post split too, won’t it? I know you might be saying that the frustration over it is what’s led to the split which I can understand. But long term isn’t it more disruptive to have two homes than one?

6 year old DD.

Mondays (I don’t work):
0715 wake up, get dressed
0735 breakfast
0815 brush teeth, gather coat and bag
0830 leave for school (2 minute walk)
1510 finish school
1515 snack
1530 reading and then play time (no screens)
1630 drive to sports activity
1700-1800 sports activity
1815 home, TV allowed
1900 family dinner
1945 up to bed, brush teeth and story
2000 lights out

Tuesday-Thursday (I work):
0700 wake up, get dressed etc.
0745 leave for breakfast club (1 min walk)
1745 home from after school club (includes snack tea)
1800 reading
1815 TV allowed
1900 onwards same as above

Fridays (I don’t work):
Similar to Monday but no sports club and I’m more generous with TV, but not until 1700 earliest. DD plays with her older sister until then.