What was an issue in your family when you were growing up that you didnt realize at the time?

[RzorC]

how tight money was

I kind of realised on one level but not completely that my mother myself and sibling were being abused by our father and it was a very toxic environment to grow up in. I think i didn't realise it wasn't normal for a long time.

No one ever said I love you

There was no physical contact - no kisses or cuddles from parents. And nobody ever said “I love you”.

I’m sure everyone will see something negative in their upbringing regardless of what it was like so I dare say in years to come my son will be able to answer a post like this himself but he definitely won’t be able to give the same answer as mine.

That my father was abusing my mother. Emotionally, mentally, financially.

Mine is much more light-hearted but that eating lentil stew a lot wasn't normal in the 1980s in the midland.

Anti-Irish racism

Lack of money, DDad had a thick Irish accent and lost a lot of work

@Georgiexx and @Inyourwildestdreams that's heartbreaking.

I do agree that no childhood is perfect and that yes many of poster's children would say also that there were negative things in their own upbringings too.

it just seems awful that no one expressed affection in a family. I'm hoping that you were both actually loved @Georgiexx and @Inyourwildestdreams but I do think it needs to be shown.

All that excessive Christianity.

@Giggorata I still have a faith but I hadn't realised how damaging and cult like some aspects of the Christianity I had been brought up with were.

I believed God hated me and was always disapproving of me . Only now have I found for myself that He is a God of love and doesn't see me as worthless trash. And that a lot of the rigid black and white dogmas I had hammered into me weren't not what all Christians believe and more importantly weren't what the bible was saying.

Alcoholic parents

Parents never spoke to each other.

That I was defending my younger sisters and "D"M against my "D"F from a very early age and taking all the physical and mental abuse because "D"M wouldn’t stand up to him, she just enabled it over and over again. I think I was her little get out of jail free card as the only one who'd actually stand up to him and refuse to let him hurt anyone else so he smacked me around instead. Imagine letting a 5 year old take that role and sitting back to watch it happen for two decades after that.
Cheers, Mum.

Covert Narc Mother
I honestly think my DF had a Nervous Breakdown looking back and remembering how things were
She was and still is a nasty piece of work

I’m sure everyone will see something negative in their upbringing regardless of what it was like so I dare say in years to come my son will be able to answer a post like this himself but he definitely won’t be able to give the same answer as mine.

I could say something negative (they should have intervened more between my sister and me for example) but really they were lovely and my childhood was mostly lovely and while they often drove me absolutely effing nuts, they are still - almost 60 years later - two of the best people I have ever met. I hope that your son will say that about you someday. I bet he will.

This

Fucking stonewalling from my dad to my mum after she’d pulled him up about not pulling his weight around the house after she’d gone back to work after a decade as a SAHP. Sometimes for months at a time. Even at the age of 12 I knew it wasn’t healthy for children to grow up in a house where the dad behaved like a petty, stubborn child.

Mums manipulative.

That my mum was an alcoholic - dad always used to try and make it into a joke so we didn't realise what a problem she had

My oldest sister getting pregnant at 18 - this was 1969 so it was still a bit scandalous. I literally had no idea I was told that I was an aunty. I was only 6!

Crikey
I hope everyone who has replied above has found therapy? Found peace after such turmoil.

This for me too.

But also I never felt loved and I was scared all the time. It's taken years to start to feel safe. It's not really about physical violence although I was slapped and hit from time to time. It was the stonewalling, gaslighting, scapegoating and bullying.

I didn't really realise that other people had loving, caring homes where they felt wanted and cared for.

I really hope my adult children feel loved and cared for. That's more important than anything.

People who say sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me have no clue.

My dad's deep unresolved grief and anxiety after his beloved big brother had been killed in WW2. It was never named but we accommodated it and the effects still ripple down in me and my sisters.

That sounds very sad, @StartupRepair

I was quite old when I realised that tidy homes weren’t just something you saw on TV.

Between them, my parents drank approx 350 units a week, week in, week out. Two bottles of wine and a bottle of gin every single night.

(I drink about 25 units a week, and when the GP tries to tell me that’s too much, it just feels a totally unreal moment for me.)

Dear god that’s a huge amount. The cost!

Well, that's very subjective. I myself could roll around in it.

Although at the time, I was glad I didn't.