What was an issue in your family when you were growing up that you didnt realize at the time?

[RzorC]

how tight money was

@bonzaitree yup. Add in cigarettes and lottery tickets too, and it was far more than my first salary. They must have been completely habituated…. and never driven under the limit.

As others - no love or affection from parents. Alcoholism. Being heavily responsible for a younger sibling as a result. Debt. As I got to about 15 I realised it wasn't normal to dread going home every day.

Thankfully, the above is not being passed on any further and we have a very chilled house full of love.

A violent, alcoholic father and a deeply mentally ill mother who would defend him no matter what he did.
I used to lie in bed, waiting for him to come home drunk and then come upstairs and start punching and kicking us through our bedcovers. Once, he threw a hot iron at my face, leaving a large burn. My mother said that she couldn't see anything on my face and that if I didn't apologize to my father I would have to leave the house. I was 14.

"keeping up appearances" we lived in a culdesac of sprawling bungalows with huge windows......my da would sometimes literally stop car in front of house,fall out it n crawl up the driveway- before come in and create a mild riot.My ma-was a reaction to that 24\7 (to extent-if i thot no wonder he goes to pub). NOBODY queried it(and this was regular-if too drunk(?!)hed leave car at pub- late night rammies was daily.NOBODY intervened/called cops.she was stone cold sober-but would respond. i heard TERRIBLE things every night,for years. Them was like catalog couple-almost iconic(beautiful,truley lovely people)
thankfully-he stopped.
drinking.
went back to 70s esq ma +da .
NOBODY speaks about the shiteshow.

That my mother was severely depressed and living with her was like treading on eggshells.

I went off church when I remember reading in church 'we are lowly worms'
I mean how ridiculous
Oh and the devil isn't real - thanks to Tom Ellis in Lucifer- very underrated show with a very strong morale message.

There are no words
I sometimes wonder if I was the scapegoat
Drawing the fire on me - taking the heat off younger siblings

That’s interesting that people say that their parents never hugged them, or say that they loved them. My parents didn’t, and still don’t, but I know that they loved us. I think people were less tactile in the past. (Stiff upper lip and all that).

That men ruled the house. Da and three brother plus me and ma maw . Ma maw and me had to run after them.

That your parent should be more present and not constantly absent. Children shouldn't be left outside until 6-7pm on a school night because the parent was depressed and didn't want to come home.

And said parent shouldn't be putting various people first all the time.

Thank god for other parent and for for their household.

Most definitely 💐

I had a lovely childhood but no one ever told me anything about my dad. He just wasn't there, which wasn't that unusual but at least the other kids in school knew where theirs was! I'm really angry at a friend who is doing the same with her dc, you have to have the conversation so your child can know who they are and have some self worth!!

@CloudsNeverStayTheyAlwaysGoAway ❤️ it definitely needs to be shown. I’m fine. Far from the worst off of children. Physically, I was given everything that I needed - it was just in a very cold household.

@Pallisers I would literally burst with happiness if he could say the same about us 🙂 I know we’ll make mistakes along the way, as I’m sure most do, but I hope he will say that he had a lovely upbringing and that we have him everything we could, both physically and emotionally.

Misogyny. Grew up with 3 older brothers and father and was left out of a lot of things.
Was 18 before I realised.

@Riverlee I do think that’s absolutely true of some households. In mine personally, my parents spent their whole time fighting. I’d come in from school, do my homework, take my dinner to my bedroom (we only ever sat as a family on Christmas Day and I wasn’t allowed to eat dinner in the livingroom from about the age of 6/7) and they’d start arguing. While arguing is really the only time they spoke to each other. The rest of the time it would be “tell your mum X” or “tell your dad Y” and they’d communicate through us. A very toxic relationship to watch growing up.

I was constantly told that the only reason they were still together was “for you kids so you don’t need to choose between us”. I was the only kid I knew who was begging their parents to split up 🙈
I’m in my 30s now with a young DC. My parents continue to live the same way. I have chosen to do everything in my power to ensure that cycle doesn’t continue and have a lovely quiet life with my DH and DC. My younger sister unfortunately has had a series of unhealthy relationships and often says “all couples fight, mum & dad are constantly at each others throats” 😔 She just sees it as normal.

I had two lovely parents who would do anything for me but nobody ever talked about their feelings or taught emotional regulation or conflict resolution.

It's led to eating our feelings, hidden resentments, lack of confidence/avoidance in dealing with conflict as an adult. I've realised I really struggle to regulate my emotions and.end up holding it all in and snapping. I'm trying to work on myself as I want to teach my kids healthy ways to deal with emotions and how to talk through problems and resolve them rather than let things fester.

I'm so sorry you had to live like this.

My father was an alcoholic. He never hit us children but did my mum. I never witnessed the physical violence but many objects thrown with intent to scare or harm and the arguments were constant.

We could all be sat laughing about something then hear the front door open and instantly the mood would change.

From a very young age I could look at him and tell weather he was sober, a bit drunk and in a good mood or really drunk and ready to start an argument.

Only when I was an adult did I realize how messed up the set up was. I'd do anything to protect my own dc from living like that.

Narcissism

How much my step father despised us and how much he controlled my mother into neglecting us. I have to still be around him now for the sake of half siblings and mum who has buried it deep but I really can’t stand him.

Being terrified of my father. I thought everyone was. First memories were hiding from him under beds when I heard his car. I remember wetting myself in fear on multiple occasions as a teen.

This was me too.

Mum could then blame me and side with dad to win brownie points with him.

It's fucked me up no end and has taken years of counselling to help me.

I hope you are doing ok now.

Washing once a week on a Sunday.

We were the smelly kids with greasy hair.

Severe emotional abuse.

By my teens I had a nagging feeling something was not quite right but the penny didn’t drop on the severity of the situation until much later in my adult years.

Thanks for sharing that’s wild.

This.

Very little affection was shown. Lack of books everywhere too. That's just "clutter".

I have went the opposite way with my own DC on all of this.

Books everywhere. Yes! Cuddles a plenty.