What was an issue in your family when you were growing up that you didnt realize at the time?

[RzorC]

how tight money was

Money. Apparently my dad got very I'll shortly after I arrived and spent nine months in hospital. My mum did work (this was in the 60s), but she said she'd look at food and ask herself which would be better, a dozen eggs or some sausages? Later, they had to borrow money for our school uniforms and we lived for a while in a one bedroom basement flat of their friends.
But I never knew - not until I was practically an adult. By then my father had moved us to America, had success in his career and we had a big house in a nice neighbourhood (back when you could do that on a single salary)!

How little money we had and how tough it was for my parents as my Dad was ill.

When I was 4 Dad was diagnosed with MS and went rapidly downhill. He never worked again and Mum was his carer and had to do more and more for him as time went on.

I was a late baby as they thought they couldn't have children and so Mum had a small child and disabled husband to care for. I never went without so I didn't realise how hard it was at the time.

Absolute hatred between my mum and dad, they had divorced when I was a baby, mum bought my older brother and I up and we saw our dad every other weekend. The way they used to speak about each other was beyond disgusting.

Lots of other stuff but that sticks out now as a separated parent, the thought of speaking about my ex like that in front of my DS is unimaginable.

I am glad for those who have commented vaguely huffily that they didn’t experience their Christian upbringing in the same way I did.

I am basing my post on “my lived experience”, as they say.
I experienced a form of Christianity that was rigid and authoritarian, and joysucking.
And not the norm, as I discovered from peers.
Apart from being unpleasant to experience as a child, it left some residues of fearfulness and reactivity that has taken a while to overcome.

@Sipitysip, I am sorry you have been there too.
Like you, it was only much later that I realized that this wasn't normal. I thought every child lived in a state of watchfulness, trying to gauge how drunk Dad was, and that every set of parents had the same idea as my parents - that no-one could criticize or even see Dad's behavior. My mum often told us to remember that she loved Dad the most and that anything that risked their relationship would lead to us being asked to leave. She felt this even though he beat her too.
Yet, from outside, we were the perfect family, so active in the church, my mum the chair of the school governors...

I came on to say this!

At no time did I ever not feel loved, and looking back we were well looked after, I had a really good childhood.

The only time my mother got really angry was (with hindsight) when she was suffering with PMS.

The extent of my Dad’s MH problems and, like many PP’s, how tight money was.

My Mum protected me from his problems and covered for him so I genuinely didn’t realize until after she died. I wish she’d been more selfish and perhaps left him, but she loved him, I suppose. He loved her too, but he made her life a nightmare, imo.

The extent of our poverty, the fact that my father is autistic, that both parents struggled with literacy.

A lack of hugs and cuddles and 'I love you, I'm proud of you.' But it did seem to be normal among my friends and compatriots - this was the sixties and early 70's and parents did seem more repressed and buttoned up than nowadays. Perhaps the privations of living through WW2 were still rippling through that generation.
Also, we were proper poor but I never realised that. We didn't need a car, so didn't have one, I had riding lessons, but no new furniture or carpets. We didn't start to get better off until Mum went back to work when my brother went up to Secondary school, but I honestly didn't realise how tight money was until she told us some years later.

That my DM was mentally ill & had an undiagnosed eating disorder. I am about to start counselling to deal with all the stuff from my childhood that is not only affecting me but affecting how I parent DD14, who also has problems with her mental health.

How much my mum controls my dad. I think my dad loves mum much more than she does him. It's a feeling.

Also, why I wasn't allowed to drink more squash and water as a child. We were only allowed drinks at meals, and one in the morning and one in the afternoon. The dinner drink was the last one until morning. When I told a primary school friend this, she thought I was lying. Now I drink water all day long.

This one is definitely lighthearted. My Dad slept naked and would storm into my brother's and my bedrooms in the morning if we refused to get up, 'playing' Reveille on an imaginary bugle! He usually forgot his bathrobe before he did it. Down the hall, my mother would be in their ensuite, sitting on the toilet and farting herself stupid!

To this day, I still can't get the image/sounds out of my head!

Edit: that link's not supposed to be there - had to check my spelling!

Sorry if this is meant to be a more of light hearted thread but for me it was not receiving any type of emotional support or guidance as a child but being expected to provide it for my mother.

As far back as I can remember she'd use me to vent about her relationship problems, bad things that had happened to her in the past and money worries. It gave me terrible anxiety as a child because I'd be worrying about things like us losing our house.

We don't have much of a relationship now because she still tries to do the same and offers no love or support in return. It's taken me years to deal with the anxiety and depression that I was left with.

I completely agree with this, I never heard I love you or I’m proud of you as a child, and was quite heavily criticised so do have self esteem issues but I also have a friend who was told daily how amazing she was, and how she could be anything or do anything and as an adult she says now she feels like the bar was set so high as a child it make’s relationships difficult.

I was the only kid I knew who was begging their parents to split up 🙈

Me too. And the day they did when I was 15 I skipped down the garden path and never looked back. Im 65 now and have seen my birth father 3 times in all of those years. I never did like him.