Is there any point getting married AFTER children?

[Cottonwoolonastick]

Say you have 2 children and your family is complete, you live together, built a life together, all that is missing is the legal contract of marriage.
Aside from the legal protection is there actually any reason to get married at this point?
What is there to look forward to?
For me you get married then having a family to look forward to. When you have done everything you tend to do during a marriage, what is left? Surely it’s very underwhelming?
I get that people do it for love as much as legal protection and it’s up to each couple.
Can anyone who was/is in this position explain how it worked out for you and what future plans you made after the wedding? Did you just continue as you were without any new plans?
(this is in no way a dig at anyone in this position, I’m trying to come to a decision and finding it difficult)
thanks

"nothing left to look forward to."

What a strange view you have. I can't relate to it at all.

We have been together for just over 8 years, have a 1-year-old and are getting married in March. It will just be us and our mums as witnesses in a registry office. We will go and take some nice photos after in our smart-casual wedding attire and then go for a nice lunch. We will have a big party a few years down the line to celebrate an anniversary or something but we can't afford anything else right now and aren't bothered about that.

Yes, we are mainly doing it for practicality at this point. We still want another baby so have that to look forward to. And we will get to call each other husband and wife. And I can change my surname because I don't like being affiliated with that part of my family... We are also going to be taking his grandparents wedding rings which is sentimental to him because he was so close to them before they passed....
So for some this may seem a bit boring but at least we know neither of us are going to get cold feet or are entering into the marriage for the wrong reasons.

I guess I just see it as giving our long-term relationship a warm hug... 😅

Maybe I am in the minority but I got married because I love my now husband and wanted us to have that extra commitment. It’s not a business deal or to ensure it’s easy to split the finances if one of us dies. If that’s how you view it then it’s just a piece of paper and ultimately it makes no difference to how you are currently operating I suppose

I got married when my child was 2. Aside from the legal protection everyone has already mentioned, I felt it was important for myself and my husband to make a formal commitment that we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together and liked the increased stability that marriage offered. The stability aspect became more important to me after having children.
I do think weddings are quite hyped up though and have to say I felt underwhelmed afterwards (and know a lot of friends who feel the same) as your life doesn’t really change if you are already in a settled relationship.

for us ….. the inheritance tax issue. It weighs heavier the older you get. Knowing you can inherit each other’s property without tax and preserving that tax free allowance (so it is double when the surviving spouse dies) is important for our children.

mostly ….. for a party …. that wasn’t a funeral 🤷🏻‍♀️

We had a 2 1/2 year old when we got married. I did it purely because I wanted the same last name as my son. We don’t really have any assets, so the legal protection isn’t really a thing for me. I’ve been married before, so I wasn’t up for all the pomp and just had a small registry office wedding. DH would’ve liked a bigger wedding, but we simply don’t have the funds. A house is next on the agenda for us. Once that is done, we’ll have a blessing as he wants it. Probably for our 10th anniversary.

The financial security that goes with that legal contract.
Plus if he's unwed technically his next of kin is mummy not you

Marriage (and the wedding) is a public commitment of your love for eachother and a celebration for you and your friends and family of that commitment.I guess decide if you want to do that

Hmm well I had my children then married someone completely different

I just find your views really strange OP. I met my DP at 30. Within a year or so we knew it was serious and moved in together. Neither of us wanted to be older parents and children were important to us. So we cracked on with that rather than spend a year plus planning a wedding.

Then we didn’t want a big age gap. Etc etc. We waited another 3 years to get married. When we had more money and we’re out of the baby/toddler stage. I also then as diagnosed with cancer so very pleased we did the kids first rather than put that on hold for a wedding. I’m pretty sure chemo at 35 isn’t great for fertility.

It was actually really lovely having both kids at the wedding and in the photos.

It can often be timing issues like this. The age at which you meet your partner can have a big influence in the order you do things. You sound very short sighted.

Depends on your income - if you’re loaded, do it for the party and getting everyone you love under one roof, it’s truly special and you’ll never see that grouping of people to gather again probably. That was the best bit of my own, pre kids, trad wedding. If you’re very not loaded and one of you doesn’t work - do it for the tax breaks, the non working person can transfer their tax free allowance to their partner so they keep more of what they earn. If you’re somewhere in the middle, maybe do it for the legal stuff (my in laws tied the knot in an office while my husband and his sister were in school one day) or maybe get a solicitor and draw up a really good will!

If you're rich enough for inheritance tax to be an issue it's worth thinking about. But over 90% of us aren't.

What is there to look forward to? Not being able to order your affairs should the unthinkable happen.

Of course we all hope it won't. And if it did, it's hard to imagine how the serious illness, incapacity or death of a loved one can possibly be more painful than it is already.

Without those legal protections in place, unfortunately it can.

I have been with DP for 12 years and am finally starting to want to get married. He is the romantic type and would have loved a fancy ceremony years ago, but I'm more of a slow burn type character and can only now start to feel we have the type of partnership where I could say I do and mean it. We have one DS8 who'd love to be page boy but I don't think I'd want more than 10 guests and would keep things simple with a meal out with friends after and limited or no family or ILs as they can all be high maintenance which would totally spoil things for me. In short - do it if you want to and how you want to, and if you can't find agreement it's okay to wait.

I had assets and he didn’t. I married him mainly as I thought it was the right thing to do - I was pregnant. We were living together and had been for a long time but I just didn’t want to get married. I trusted him. I should have divorced him before I did - it would have been much easier if we weren’t married to leave but it was the children that really kept me there, I didn’t trust him to treat them properly when I wasn’t there. He wasn’t an easy man to leave but the law has changed and it’s more difficult to delay a divorce. He still did. But he could only do it for so long. I didn’t see it as a legal contract but I should have done. But I never expected him to do what he did when I married him- I thought he actually had a moral compass. He didn’t have an affair. It’s a shame we don’t talk more about marriage being a legal contract rather than a love thing.

struggling to relate here: married for love in 2005 after 7 years together, had our son around one month b4 10th wedding anniversary. Many things have happened since 2005 & since 2015 both good & bad (notice of redundancies, career changes, back to uni, relocation, nurseries, NCT / baby groups, funerals, loss of family members / friends, a wide range of friendships past & present along the way)...isn't that the point of life? I don't understand why you think nothing else will happen after. Next year my husband hopes to start training as a vicar even! Never, in my wildest dreams did I think when we were young he'd want to be a vicar, but it makes complete sense for both of us to have those roles in our later lives (I have always helped others for a living anyway & we have been involved with church communities along the way). A marriage is for life, not just the wedding day...if that doesn't excite you, then really assess whether getting married is right for you. The purpose of marriage is supporting each other..."for better, for worse", "in sickness & in health", etc.

This.
Close friend of mine - her partner since uni persuaded her they were too cool to get married. It was just a bit of paper.
He left her and their four children for someone else after she'd been a sahm so he could get his six figure job.
She lost the family home and all her financial security.
My other married friend who split in similar circumstances got a house and can look forward to a good slice of his pension.

Very sobering.

‘Have nothing left to look forward to’ 😱 god what a sad perspective!! Do you think every married homeowner with kids is just waiting around to die? 😂

It all depends on your financial circumstances.

If you have an expensive house and other assets then it would make sense to get married to ensure those are passed tax free to the surviving spouse. If you have fuck all like most people then it's pointless.

Just wondering if these are UK responses or from all over the place. My brother got married for I think legal reasons (they love each other but not very traditional so more for the children) I’m the same but wondering if I’m being naive in not getting married (11 year old child, together 15 years, I’ve never have a big party - surely people would turn up to a wedding!) so I just wondered what the situ is?

If you're in the 4% liable to pay inheritance tax then yes, there is an advantage to getting married. Otherwise a session with a solicitor can sort everything else out.