NHS-Just had operation. Porter said this!!!!!

[IsAnybodyListening]

Recently had complex surgery following an accident, and I have been home a few days now. The more I think about this, the angrier I get. As not to drip feed this was basically the situation.

My consultant and surgeons were utterly fantastic with me. My last surgery was over 10yrs ago, unfortunately there were complications plus I developed an infection post surgery and became extremely ill. Due to this, they were aware how anxious I was to be going under anesthesia again and were incredibly understanding.

Whilst on the ward. I was nil by mouth. Surgery was postponed 3 times due to life and death situations which is completely understandable, however during this time I hadn't ate in 38hrs which I was OK with, however the first issue were Nurses kept refusing to give me fluid. They weren't listening to me that surgery was delayed and that I could have water up until a few hrs before going into theatre. By sheer luck the anesthetist happened to pop into my room for me to sign consent forms whilst I was begging for a drink and told the nurse to give me fluid.

By this point, I'm hungry, exhausted, unable to sleep as in pain and very thirsty and drained, also scared of pending surgery and when it might happen.

The porter came to wheel me to theatre. Just before going into the operating room she is making idle chit chat, and the surgeon comes out to see me and help wheel me in. The porter obviously doesn't know what I've been through, my history or anything about me, and for some bizarre reason declares in the most jovial tone ' Just remember when they knock you out, not to go to heaven when you're under'!!!!!!

The surgeon heard, and fair play to him he looked bloody furious with this comment.

Anyhow, I had surgery, it should have been 2hrs but was closer to 6hrs. Now I am home and recovering, I can't stop thinking about what she said RIGHT before I had a massive operation. Who says something so stupid?

Do I assume the surgeon would have raised it as he definitely heard, or should I go down the formal complaint route? It keeps playing over in my mind, that and my surgery didn't actually go as expected and involved more surgeons and hours than initially expected and since I woke up, I can't stop thinking about what she said. Death IS a risk with surgery. Why would a health care professional say something so utterly careless like that in such a serious situation?

If you managed to read all that, thanks. Not sure if this should be in AIBU or is it a more WWYD question?

One of the least thanked and worse jobs out there and you want to complain about someone trying to lighten the mood?

God you’re a problem, OP. Get over it

It was a really insensitive comment at that particular time. You don't need to go into full complaint mode, but I honestly think a letter to Pals detailing your experience and asking if they could pass on a reminder to portering staff that comments about death just before surgery are inappropriate and may upset patients would be useful.
As a nurse we would often get emails along the lines of " can you be reminded to not do xxxx' etc. obviously in response to a complaint. Just a generic heads up

This is relevant how?
The porter is working in a hospital.with very vulnerable people it doesn't matter how thankless or low paid it is

I would say something, but would frame it as feedback rather than a complaint about the porter. A lot of people are freaked out by having a GA. There have been plenty of terrified posters on here over the years. Regardless of your history (which the porter could not have known) it was not an appropriate comment.

I would complain about the lack of fluids though. I had similar when my CS kept being pushed back and back on the hottest day of the year. Hydration is pretty basic patient care. It is not unusual for surgery to be pushed back so the nurses should be on top of this.

Don't complain, instead practice ways to tell people when they cross a line in future.

Everyone goes over and over interactions where they felt blindsided, but the best way to deal with it is there and then. Just a simple "I can't believe you'd say that, now I'm worried," would have helped you feel more empowered. I have an amazing friend who can do this, she's probably made more difference than 100 written complaints, I learn from her, something is either bad enough to speak up or unimportant enough to let go.

I also think the fluids are not the issue you are making out. I've had a lot of operations, if you tip into mildly dehydrated they stick a bag of IV fluids in your cannula. I suspect, from not mentioning fluids and your responses, you were thirsty and anxious about it. Therefore, anti anxiety pre op medication would be a another thing to focus on going forward.

Complain about the poor nursing/fluid situation and complain about the porter. The only way these things get changed is by complaining and you don't know if you are the 1st or the 51st person to say the same about the same person or same part of the hospital - you might help someone else by getting things changed, and you will feel you have some closure. (Personally I find PALS useless, patronising and dismissive in the hospital that I regularly have problems with so I would write to the Director of Nursing for the nursing and whoever is in charge of porters for the porter.)

I also complained about a comment made to me pre-surgery, at a different hospital, where other staff were visibly shocked as was I. I made the complaint at my post-op outpatients, and was taken very seriously. You can go that route if you prefer.

This idea that some people have that we shouldn't complain is a nonsense and probably one of the reasons service in the NHS and elsewhere in our society is often so poor... notwithstanding all the issues for NHS staff, often there is no excuse whatsoever.

something is either bad enough to speak up or unimportant enough to let go.

This is very judgy and wrong. Not everyone is able to be like your friend, for a variety of reasons, and even people like your friend - I'm mostly like her too - can find themselves vulnerable for a time, especially as patient in hospital, and should be treated as such. The porter's comment was disgraceful and this sort of humour needs putting a stop to esp if it's a regular occurrence. The bosses will know whether it's come up before, it's for them, not the patient, to sort this out. More generally, sometimes you need space from the situation to process it and decide if and how to complain. Far far too many mistakes are made in the NHS from the minor to the major and patients and staff not speaking up is definitely part of this.

There was a very good reason I didn't say something immediately when I had a problem - because they were trying to find a vein to get me through pre-op and into my delayed operation, and I decided it was better for me to stay calm and focussed on that, and deal with that man's attitude later, which I did in post-op with a different nurse as well as formally as an outpatient.

I said and patients and staff not speaking up

I meant at a time they deem suitable, and sometimes this might be after the fact and some thinking time, when recovered for example - they might have a meeting, appointment or some counselling before deciding to actually complain. If it's something non-trivial, it might be months or even years after the fact and this is fine too.

@x2boys
I can barely parse meaning from what you replied to me, but interesting to see you down thread calling people who disagree with you 'thick' and being generally unpleasant
All I can say is that I am so very grateful that you didn't stick nursing

I didn't calk.anyone thick I said they were assuming the Porter must be thick 🙄

Personally, if it were me I dont think it would have upset me enough to take it any further. However, in trying to take an objective view, I realise their comment could quite easily freak some out as when you go in for surgery you don't think that you might not regain consciousness, or if you do, its not something you would want to hear. We don't all fall into the same camp when it comes to sensitivity - for some of us it's water off a duck's back while for others, it goes deep to the core and I think as it has upset you, you could raise it but not in a heavy-handed way, more as a step to raise mindfulness amongst all hospital staff to consider how comments or banter might be taken by a patient.

I've had quite a few anaesthetics and honestly as I said on page one, I wouldn't have got upset at the discussed comment. I had a terrible time giving birth and two nurses had a dreadful exchange of words over my head which left me reeling. I still think about it 2 decades later but tbh never occured to me to complain. Probably should have done, far worse than the comment we're discussing and not said in a thoughtless manner

@IsAnybodyListening Having been in and out of hospital myself and know all about health anxiety i think you are valid to feel the way you do. Everyone saying, it's a joke and it's not meant in the way has not been in your position

You shouldn't have been left without fluids for 36 hours, but to be fair to the nurses, that is not their decision to make. It's purely a medical decision if fluids can be restarted on a patient awaiting surgery.
I would spend hours sometimes trying to get doctors to make a decision, but sometimes they are in theatre or clinic so you can't get to speak to them, or they don't want the patients to drink incase a theatre slot becomes available.

I honestly would be tearing my hair out at times, it was awful seeing patients desperate for a drink only for the surgery to finally be called off late at night, then get told to keep them nbm for a potential morning slot, with no definite time.

But your reply doesn’t address the question asked does it ? Were you given an anaesthetic giving birth ? Were the two nurses discussing whether or not you would survive the anaesthetic ? Undergoing risky and lengthy surgery under full anaesthetic is totally different and patients are made fully aware of the risks, so a comment like that made by the porter is out of order.

So going into theatre, possibly drugged to reduce anxiety, you expect the OP to deal with a crass comment there and then ? And yes, the fluids are a problem given the length of time the OP was left without them. What a load of crap.

How is this in any way relevant to the OP ? The job may be thankless but that doesn’t give the porter the right to shoot their mouth off with such an insensitive comment. Reminding someone about to undergo significant surgery that they could die on the table is not ‘lightening the mood’. You’ve clearly never undergone surgery with significant risk or you wouldn’t think this even remotely acceptable.

I'd be more inclined to complain about the nurses refusal to give you fluids- surely they could have checked that what you were saying was correcting regarding the surgery being postponed. As others have said Porters are low paid, with no formal qualifications required, she has probably never had training on dealing with patients. The comment wouldn't bother me

I can't go into the detail as it is too outing, suffice to say the comments were awful, regarded life and death and which awful outcome would be more preferable or acceptable. Believe you me it was dreadful.

MistyTrains2 · Yesterday 05:18

@Darlingx that is so beautifully put and helpful.

Thank you fellow empath and it sounds like you put the compassion back where it was missing . Our minds can heal a memory thank goodness

I would give the feedback with acknowledgment that it wasnt intended to cause you distress but the opposite.

I just think that these sorts of comments aren’t always off the cuff but perhaps more likely this particular porters standard patter (for want of better word) and if one person has been upset by it then so could others. And if it’s not communicated then it will continue. I know that if I were the porter I would rather know than carry on unwittingly upsetting patients.

I agree with this

Definitely complain. I was subjected to a similar thoughtless comment by a porter who thought he was being funny. It’s an odd dynamic: as patients we lose agency and some health workers almost patronise us in our powerless state.

I had a tumour removed from my foot a couple of years ago, I was in a ward post op with several other people who were all coming round from anaesthetic. It was very quiet. The porter comes and is a total chatterbox, literally couldn’t stop talking about nothing of relevance. Then out of nowhere asked what I had had done. Aside from being personal information, it was a really sensitive topic as I had to wait 6 weeks for the biopsy to confirm if the tumour was malignant. I was mid thirties with a 1 year old and feeling pretty fragile about it all. I then had to in front of the rest of the ward tell a stranger. I could have refused, but I felt even more self conscious making a big thing of it infront of others.
The porter then went on to tell me about all his operations and that his cheek bone was made of metal, he then asked me to feel it. This was mid Covid restrictions. Totally unprofessional. Honestly the man has zero tact. I had thought about complaining but in all honesty, I think it would achieve very little and it would just have got me more worked up at a time I need to remain calm. Once I got the all clear, I just wanted to move on from the situation completely. I think you should put it down to a poor experience and concentrate on your recovery.

Write a formal complaint. That would annoy me too. Patients should to go into surgery in a positive frame of mind I thought.

Hope you have a full recovery this time.