NHS-Just had operation. Porter said this!!!!!

[IsAnybodyListening]

Recently had complex surgery following an accident, and I have been home a few days now. The more I think about this, the angrier I get. As not to drip feed this was basically the situation.

My consultant and surgeons were utterly fantastic with me. My last surgery was over 10yrs ago, unfortunately there were complications plus I developed an infection post surgery and became extremely ill. Due to this, they were aware how anxious I was to be going under anesthesia again and were incredibly understanding.

Whilst on the ward. I was nil by mouth. Surgery was postponed 3 times due to life and death situations which is completely understandable, however during this time I hadn't ate in 38hrs which I was OK with, however the first issue were Nurses kept refusing to give me fluid. They weren't listening to me that surgery was delayed and that I could have water up until a few hrs before going into theatre. By sheer luck the anesthetist happened to pop into my room for me to sign consent forms whilst I was begging for a drink and told the nurse to give me fluid.

By this point, I'm hungry, exhausted, unable to sleep as in pain and very thirsty and drained, also scared of pending surgery and when it might happen.

The porter came to wheel me to theatre. Just before going into the operating room she is making idle chit chat, and the surgeon comes out to see me and help wheel me in. The porter obviously doesn't know what I've been through, my history or anything about me, and for some bizarre reason declares in the most jovial tone ' Just remember when they knock you out, not to go to heaven when you're under'!!!!!!

The surgeon heard, and fair play to him he looked bloody furious with this comment.

Anyhow, I had surgery, it should have been 2hrs but was closer to 6hrs. Now I am home and recovering, I can't stop thinking about what she said RIGHT before I had a massive operation. Who says something so stupid?

Do I assume the surgeon would have raised it as he definitely heard, or should I go down the formal complaint route? It keeps playing over in my mind, that and my surgery didn't actually go as expected and involved more surgeons and hours than initially expected and since I woke up, I can't stop thinking about what she said. Death IS a risk with surgery. Why would a health care professional say something so utterly careless like that in such a serious situation?

If you managed to read all that, thanks. Not sure if this should be in AIBU or is it a more WWYD question?

You do realise everyone, s different right?
You might think its absolutely hilarious being wheeled down to theatre to have major surgery and being told not to die
The op not so much which is why hospital staff need to be sensitive 🙄

Like I said earlier, this would really have helped put me at ease. Much more than being patronised and someone treating the situation like my life really was on the line but we daren't mention it.

No I would not complain.

I doubt he meant anything by it.

Yes but that's you and its not alk.about you
You are not the op
In these kinds of situations its best to be neutral.

@Pinkchairs I've had such a shite day and this made me LOL so much! It's the kind of thing I'd do - then spend eternity kicking myself LOL

I'd rather live in a world of genuine personalities doing their best, not bots following a script. I agree that's just me, and OP might prefer to report this person and get them sacked.

@Pinkchairs I've had a shite day, but you've just made me LOL soo much! It's the kindof thing I'd do - then spend eternity replaying it and kicking myself! LOL

I don't think it's about getting the person sacked, it's about ensuring training is put in place, standards are set and there is time for reflection. None of those things can happen if the service remains unaware.

Nobody wants anyone sacked ffs.

Porters don't get training in how to talk to people.

Chances are this porter spoke in a similar way to patients before with no issue.

I agree with this.
I don’t really know what the porter’s comment about ‘don’t go to heaven’ is supposed to mean. I don’t suppose that she meant that you would die. Perhaps she meant that ‘being under’ is relaxing and ‘heavenly’ compared to putting up with the pain you were in?
Anyway it was was a confusing and stupid thing to say and I would just pass it off as a remark from somebody who is very thoughtless. Hospital porters are not employed for their brain power and as they are poorly paid, I don’t think that complaining would actually achieve anything. They are in short supply in the NHS and are unlikely to be dismissed on the basis of that one silly comment.

What would make you feel better? The porter getting a dressing down, potentially losing their job? What do you want out of this? In other words will a formal complaint really help you to put this to bed or is it the surgery and the scare you have had that is the real issue?
The porter said something incredibly stupid but I doubt their intention was to make you feel the way they did. It sounds to me that you have had an awful experience and you need to concentrate getting well and putting the whole episode behind you.
Best of luck op and I hope you feel better soon.

The reality is you need zero qualifications to be a porter and it is a minimum wage job.

This means people working in this position are more likely to be on the lower end of the intelligence scale, to have learning or other needs, and be recent immigrants with limited English.

As such, a lot of people working in these jobs may not have the capacity to reflect on what they have said or put themselves in other people's shoes, or may have been trying to say something comforting but didn't quite have the language to make it sound right. No amount of training is going to change that.

Ultimately, the porter in this situation was just trying to make harmless chit chat. Obviously making a comment about going to heaven to a nervous patient about to undergo surgery wasn't the most tactful, but it was said with good intent and a desire to make you feel better. Complaining will likely lose this person their job, and finding another one may be very difficult for them. I don't think you'd like to be responsible for getting a person chucked out onto the street, would you?

I think you need to move past this now and let it go. You've been through a traumatic experience, but it wasn't the porter's fault. You are attaching more significance to their comment than you should and complaining about what they said won't change anything.

FFS, can we move on from the low intelligence stereotype about porters.

I was one for almost a decade, and used the experience to go to uni. Several of my colleagues were uni educated but wanted a low stress job in later life.
Some people do the job because they enjoy it.

YABU sorry op, it obviously upset you and that’s fair enough, especially from what you’d been through, but she would have just been trying to make light hearted joke and failed miserably.

I have had 17 surgeries and counting, the porters I’ve come across have all been jovial (ok they are in Liverpool where most people are funny!) they make a joke to lighten the mood, to try and take patients minds off it.

This one was inappropriate, but really there is no need to complain. I know how emotional I am after surgery, I can’t think rationally and cry over everything. Please just try on focus on recovery and most past this. It’s really not worth a complaint.

I think it very unlikely the porter would lose their job, it’s not something people are queuing up to do. I also think it very unlikely that a complaint would elicit anything more than a polite apology letter.

And you’re right @XenoBitch, all sorts of people do those low stress jobs because they’ve yet to start or reached the end of their career.

Stereotypes are usually based in reality though, aren't they.

There will always be exceptions, but the vast majority of people in low wage work are doing it because they don't have other options.

Band 2. No GCSEs required. Functional skills only. Minimum wage+anti social hours. Not many people who have the ability to do something more skilled will do this work.

Yes, let's have training and time for reflection - in the meantime who is doing the work???

As someone who has worked at a place where "training" is continually in place on how to deal with customers, staff, etc. I can assure you that the majority of people just continue as they did beforehand. Also, are you so perfect that you've never made a comment and then wished you hadn't?

Honestly, I don't think some of you live in the real world. Anyone who has time to sit around obsessing over every chance remark made to them really hasn't got enough to occupy themselves.

I disagree. I know lots of clever people who have had low wage jobs, which they weren't dong because they had no other options. I was one myself (not clever, but I did have other options) - to me a job is just to earn some money, I never wanted a career or any responsibility, simply a job I could walk out of and forget at the end of the day. Many people work to live, not live to work.

I think instead of ‘complaining’-although you have every right to, you could write to pals and explain what happened and ask that all porters are very careful with how they speak to patients as it was inappropriate and has affected you. Hopefully letting them know, might save another person from your upsetting experience.

I think language is very powerful and training should be given on keeping comments very neutral even slightly scripted is better as it’s perfectly possible to keep a filter on internal dialogue. You went through a traumatic experience and those words are haunting you because they sum up your brush with facing your mortality . I think you need to reframe the thought lodged in your head into something that empowers you. I find medical settings people tend to get a God complex and they shouldn’t be playing that card for their own kicks. They shouldn’t be verbally reenforcing your vulnerability at your most powerless moment whilst they are in the driving seat. The porter for the time they are wheeling you should be focusing on that moment in time and not the next stage ie the surgery . So to reframe it for you that Porter only had power over getting you from A to B and nothing beyond that. They shouldn’t be painting vivid pictures in your mind for you to carry or hold on to. So just remember that in that moment of your absolute vulnerability the only power they had was moving the wheels of a trolley and no greater insight into your outcome than that ie getting you to the doorway not anything more existential than that. So break the experience into small pieces of time and know the Porter only has the power and knowledge of where the trolley is going once they got u to the next pair of hands in your care . They shouldn’t have given the part they play such life & death scenario unless they are a frustrated ambulance driver and I am sorry a seed of thought was planted. Break it down so it’s not playing such a potent role because they were unwise and clumsy words they should know better than to broach anything regarding your precious mortality which is why the surgeon gave a stern look on such a serious subject. He knows the weight of mortality in his hands and Thankfully isn’t indulging his ego patient facing.

I think it probably would get raised but, even without your history, you would not be wrong to complain. It is VERY common for people to feel anxious before surgery. I was told by the anaesthetist that I was one of the most relaxed people they saw, which In a funny way made me more nervous as I was then thinking did I have something to worry about. Anyway my point is they get a lot of people who are understandably nervous and they need to read the room, in terms of tone, body language etc. Some people deal using humour but it is also incredibly misplaced to make a joke out of someone's very real fears and in that moment can have the very opposite effect.

I doubt they would sack a porter over such a comment, it's more of something you address in training or a conversation.

Unfortunately I have had a similar situation of waiting on a bed for 24 hours with no pain relief for surgery, no water, very stressful and had nerve pain. I put it to one side as I could understand they have emergency surgery to deal with on the day. I'm able to laugh about it, it was literally the worst day, but I guess as I don't think anyone is to blame. There were other less compassionate things that happened though that stuck with me for a very long time though, where someone should have held my hand to be honest.

@Darlingx that is so beautifully put and helpful.

It doesn’t matter if she’s minimum wage or not. What kind of person says something like this to a patient about to undergo surgery ?

One of the things that happens before surgery is that the patient is assessed as to fitness not only for surgery, but for anaesthesia. The patient will be asked to sign a consent form which states they understand and accept the risks of surgery, so at that point it’s explained that all surgery/anaesthesia carries a risk, and the patient will be made aware of any increased risk which applies to them. A porter isn’t privy to any of this information, so you can appreciate the possible repercussions of a comment like this.

l had a serious spinal surgery some years ago - it was a 10 hour surgery and carried significant risk. I was shaking with fright by the time it came for me to be wheeled to theatre and if anyone had made a throwaway comment like this it might well have been enough to stop me from going through with it at that point.

OP I would go through PALS and tell them that you would like someone to have a quiet word with the porter. She clearly needs to be reminded that she is in a position of trust, dealing with vulnerable and anxious patients, and that her comment was totally inappropriate in the circumstances. As another poster suggested, l would also mention the length of time you were left without fluids when surgery was delayed. I can understand not allowing food if there was a possibility of limited notice, but a small amount of fluids should have been given.