If you are introverted, quiet, a homebody does it bother you if other people think you're boring?

[thesmartwife]

I have always been an introvert, in many ways a loner in that even when I go out I often prefer to do things like shop or art galleries on my own. I am pretty quiet and a bit of a homebody. I did spend my 20's working in a creative industry which was interesting and involved a lot of travel but hectic and I packed it in because I was fed up working with people and being away from home all the time.

I'm still a creative but work from home now, alone! I do like to go out to the theatre, cinema, comedy shows and music concerts if something on appeals to me, I like a nice meal out and I do still enjoy travel and am currently planning a trip to Japan. I do love being at home though with my husband. I love to make my home cosy, to cook nice food, movie nights and games nights often just the two of us. I like to knit and make things, do jigsaws, I love read and play the piano, do a bit of yoga or hike with my DH. I was never into partying and can't remember the last time I touched alcohol, it must be at least 10 years or more and I never drank much to begin with.

I am content with my life at 34 but I know some people do consider me boring because I don't go out for big nights out or because knitting or jigsaws seem like "old lady" things to do. I suppose a lot of it is perhaps down to me not drinking. I personally find a night with a good book, my knitting or playing chess with DH far more entertaining and fun than a night down the pub but people aren't shy in letting me know how dull it sounds to them.

So if you are like me an introvert, quiet or a homebody do people assume or think your life is dull and does it bother you?

I'm an introvert and very much into crafts. It doesn't bother me at all what other people think. They're all thinking about themselves anyway.

It doesn’t bother me, but the smug attitude it mostly comes with does. I think most people can recognise that different people like different things, but I’m thinking of a couple of people I work with who think the only way to enjoy yourself is going to the latest cocktail bar or the latest restaurant. It’s the judgment that other people who don’t want to go are boring Gaby gets me.

I think people are more accepting of this kind of lifestyle than they used to be though? Which is all to the good.

A wise friend once said "boring is in the eye of the beholder". Not everyone finds everyone interesting. Find people who like what you like.

I have a friend who lives to travel, at least 4 holidays a year, off long haul again. They scrimp and save the rest of the time. She does not understand why i am not bothered. Husband and I used to travel a lot when we were both working, not bothered now, have been all the places I want to go. Also now hate flying and hanging around at airports.

@Orchidgarden Its probably true they aren't thinking about you but when they actually say "omg, what are you 90!" or something then I think that is pretty rude.

@DarkDarkNight Yeah that is what I mean, that small percentage of people who are smug and look down on you for not being out and about all the time and new latest chain restaurant or bar.

@theduchessofspork Perhaps they are I suppose lots of people embraced their homebody side during the pandemic.

@TodayInahurry Well I can agree with that, I know lots of people who seem to put lots of money in to outward things a fancy car, clothes, travel etc at the expense of a nice home life. I still like travel but I don't need to go abroad every year.

Your life doesn’t sound in the least bit boring.

But to answer your question, I don’t generally care what people think of me, no.

I did have a wild youth, in fairness, and did all the partying, drinking, aggressive socialising. I also worked in the creative industries.

But in my 40s, I enjoy a different lifestyle and I have embraced my inner introvert. I like reading, watching films, writing, yoga, walks in nature. I love travelling. I go to the theatre, cinema, gigs etc, but usually with one other friend/DH/my teenage kids/my mum. I’m not interested in big group socialising, and I haven’t drank alcohol for several years. I don’t feel boring, and on the rare occasion people who don’t know me well (usually colleagues) try to call me boring for not wanting to get pissed in the pub after work or similar, I just laugh and ignore.

Not the slightest, l love that l am content at home and wouldn't rather be anywhere else. I personally think going out is very over rated and over priced, bit going out makes some people feel more interesting, plus it gives them something to post on social media. People often like others to know where they've been and what they're doing, to appreciate they are interesting people !!

I don't care about people who might think I'm boring. I'd rather stick needles in my eyes than be a party animal, so they are welcome to it.

I could never understand why people wanted to stay home and not socialise until recently. I still love going out, but I’m having more and more nights now where I just want to stay in. I’m about the same age as you. I have a lot of fun things planned for December, Christmas parties and trips to markets. But I’ve just cancelled on a group night out tonight. My house is clean, I have some fairy lights up and candles on the go. It feels so cosy in here. I’m a bit tired from work and all I want to do right now is watch tv on the sofa with my cat. The thought of getting ready, facing other people and loud music just feels too draining. 21 year old me would be ashamed! I think it’s one of those things where it’s hard to understand the other side’s point of view. And ignore those making comments. Just do what makes you happy!

@GiantToblerone You're my kind of woman we should get together and party all night long i.e. drink tea and read our respective books!

@Sugarfish I appreciate that insight, I suppose lots of the people I know who say such things might appreciate a night in one day! I suppose I never much enjoyed going out even in my teens and can think of only a few nights out I actually enjoyed where I wasn't wanting to go home the whole time but trying to force myself to have a good time. Hope you have a lovely night in!

I'm an introvert, but that doesn't mean I don't do anything. I lead a busy life, I just do the majority of it on my own. I'm off to a gig tonight by myself, but I'm very happy doing that, it doesn't make me boring, I just don't need company very often.

I am like you OP with some of the same hobbies. I absolutely dislike when people take it upon themselves to 'get me out more' and do 'fun' stuff. I find it belittling.

I also don't drink and the number of people who think they need to convince me to have a drink with them is insane. To not drink is also seen as boring. I don't like the taste and don't feel good when I have had alcohol. Nobody would expect anyone to put themselves through that for any other kind of beverage or food. For all they know I could be a recovering alcoholic. People just don't think about what they say.

No I'm long past caring what others think . I used to try and be more outgoing and bubbly but now I think what you see is what you get . Don't like me ? Then just do one .

@Peepshowcreepshow Absolutely, I am always busy with various projects on the go and things to look forward to but yeah I do most of it alone!

@Twatalert I do wonder if the not drinking is actually what gives people the impression of boringness the most? As you say people often seem strongly motivated to get you to drink.

Although I used to go out and socialise a lot when younger I'm now a home bird 100%

I have a friend who still goes out drinking in the pub, likes parties and dancing most weekends.. in her late 50s and she thinks I'm a boring stick in the mud

I outgrew that lifestyle and have other things I'd rather do with my time.

Each to their own.

I'm a boring introvert, and I couldn't give a flying fuck what other people think.

Especially extroverts who try to get me to do things against my will. They get a repeated "No thank you".

People who try to get me to dance get a far more severe version of that response.

I think nothing about anyone unless their behaviour impinges on my life. If you are a stay at home quiet person then it’s not going to bother me is it because how could it.

No but it does bother me if I think people feel sorry for me.
Like if they see me out and about on my own they might feel sorry for me, when I'm actually perfectly happy.

They probably don't feel sorry for me at all though! So I mostly just do what I want anyway.

It cuts both ways though. Often on introvert vs extrovert threads it is the smug introverts who sneer at extroverts for being "needy" for wanting to have friends.

DH is very introverted. I'm more of an extrovert, but I dislike loud and busy places. The idea of an opening night of a new bar would be my idea of hell.

@SWSO My MIL's sister seems to find me very dour because I am not "bubbly" like her daughter in law who is the life and soul and often laments to her sister that I am no fun. Her DIL is specifically quite unpleasant, racist and ignorant but she is bubbly so gets away with murder.

@RampantIvy Introverts do like and need friends though and family, its more the need to always be out and be seen that is the issue. There isn't any problem with being extrovert or introvert. I have friends who I adore and love to see and I am not even especially shy or socially awkward so I agree that not all extroverts and introverts are the stereotype of what people imaging them to be.

I guess as much as anything is that it sounds like you're planning to do just that for the next 60 years! For most people that world be the incomprehensively boring part rather than the activities themselves. Do you not have plans of things you will do when your kids leave home or when you retire? Even if they're solo things like further study or getting a pair of donkeys. I'm an introvert, but I do a lot of solo activities like long distance running and hiking or outdoor swimming because I probably won't be able to do that when I'm 70, and I'm really looking forward to having all day to work in my garden when I'm retired (in about 10 decades if I'm not dead first...)