If you are introverted, quiet, a homebody does it bother you if other people think you're boring?

[thesmartwife]

I have always been an introvert, in many ways a loner in that even when I go out I often prefer to do things like shop or art galleries on my own. I am pretty quiet and a bit of a homebody. I did spend my 20's working in a creative industry which was interesting and involved a lot of travel but hectic and I packed it in because I was fed up working with people and being away from home all the time.

I'm still a creative but work from home now, alone! I do like to go out to the theatre, cinema, comedy shows and music concerts if something on appeals to me, I like a nice meal out and I do still enjoy travel and am currently planning a trip to Japan. I do love being at home though with my husband. I love to make my home cosy, to cook nice food, movie nights and games nights often just the two of us. I like to knit and make things, do jigsaws, I love read and play the piano, do a bit of yoga or hike with my DH. I was never into partying and can't remember the last time I touched alcohol, it must be at least 10 years or more and I never drank much to begin with.

I am content with my life at 34 but I know some people do consider me boring because I don't go out for big nights out or because knitting or jigsaws seem like "old lady" things to do. I suppose a lot of it is perhaps down to me not drinking. I personally find a night with a good book, my knitting or playing chess with DH far more entertaining and fun than a night down the pub but people aren't shy in letting me know how dull it sounds to them.

So if you are like me an introvert, quiet or a homebody do people assume or think your life is dull and does it bother you?

Maybe its just you imagining 'people' see you as boring. People are getting on with their own lives so if you're out of sight you're out of mind. Honestly, we mostly aren't as interesting to others as we may think we are. Which is why I suspect there are so many top-trumps 'hello, Im over here' introvert threads on MN.

DIME - Don't Invite Me.

Not in the slightest. Everyone likes different things. I love being at home, rarely go away on holiday and enjoy my own company .

Former wild child here! Was always the life and soul of the party. Never said no to an invitation and was always the one dancing on tables at 5am! Confident, extroverted, game for anything.

Now I don't drink anything stronger than a coffee and my favourite drink is water. Love nothing more than going to bed at 8pm on a Saturday night with a hot water bottle and the Bible. Really!

If by 'boring', people mean stable, grounded, calm, healthy, well rested, satisfied and fulfilled...OK, I'll take it!

I am actually still a very sociable, chatty, outgoing person and am very much a people person but I also value and protect my mental space. It takes priority over socialising and I'm more than happy with that.

@Sugarfish and @MrsDanversGlidesAgain JOMO and DIME - I must remember those.

Brilliant. 💐

I moved out when I was 18 loved in London and did plenty of partying travelling and doing exciting things. Now I'm nearly 40 and I hate going out. I hate being around people and just the public in general. I will always opt for staying in rather then go out. People are asking me what I wanna do for my 40th and I know absolutely do not want a party. I no longer give two shits what people think about me. If I'm ever asked (rarely) if I wanna go out I'm quite happy to flat out say no. Don't make excuses it's just no I don't want to .

Your life sounds idyllic to me OP

Each to their own, im a mix with my hobbies and activities.

Not at all. If something was offered to me outside my house that felt as good as i feel at home alone, id go for it.

Im introverted and literally never leave my house, can go days without saying a word out loud, but I will also book a flight a day before travelling because i fancy it, can and will be spontaneous and impulsive. But i will not engage with small talk to pass time, id just rather not talk.

I may look boring from far but im far from boring. I have alot to say but dont bother as i dislike conflict and most people dont understand me.

I actually feel sad for people that cant be alone and look for things to do constantly. I know someone who if she has 30 mins free, she must fill it, has diary dates pencilled in till next year for social meets, will go somewhere just to say shes been somewhere. Moans the house is a mess and is behind on admin, but every second is out the house 🤷🏻‍♀️Not for me at all.

I think most people can grasp the idea that people like different things and when people are actively judgemental or disparaging about my preferences, I assume that it says more about them than me.

It did bother me in my twenties and for a while I threw myself into partying and clubbing but it was lovely when I started making friends who were more inclined to go out for dinner than drinks, or better yet stay in. And the more I leaned into my own preferences the more my circle consists of people like me. I enjoy an occasional night out, but all the more got it being occasional.

I quite enjoy hosting too, so I’m not a complete textbook introvert but the best guests are the ones who bring their books!

Your life sound fabulous, my ideal existence!

A nice balance of relaxed and companionable activities with people who matter to you. Bliss!

Ignore the rude people calling you boring. Honestly, they are just jealous. You sound very secure in yourself and they are a bit sad always needing to rush around impressing others with their frenzy of activity.

I'm introverted and into similar pursuits as you. I don't find you boring at all!

I do majorly care about what people think of me though. I have children which forces me into social situations where I feel awkward and left out sometimes.

But in principle I don't care if they think I'm boring, but I do want to be liked. Hmm...

I stopped caring what anyone else thought of me around the time I turned 30. I don't know how or why, but it was like a switch had flicked.

If anyone ever comments anything like you've said OP, I tend to just reply with "Good job I'm not you then!" and move on.

I actually feel sad for people that cant be alone and look for things to do constantly. I know someone who if she has 30 mins free, she must fill it, has diary dates pencilled in till next year for social meets

I have a friend who since covid and lockdown can't bear being at home. She and her OH are always out and about. I'm the exact opposite - telling myself 'you really ought to get out sometime and do something.'

I'm an introvert.

I do go out occasionally but rarely with other people. I shop alone and like to browse shops on my own. I am a lone shopper rather than a social one and I like it that way.

I would do a lot of things on my own if I come to think of it. I'd love a museum or art gallery without pressure from others to go at their pace.

Mostly I am a home body. I like it that way and couldn't give a shit if others think I am boring. Reading my book is far preferable to going out to bars and nightclubs. In fact, I am very glad and relieved that the days when I might have been expected to want to go nightclubbing are behind me now. I only went a couple of times, many moons ago when I was a student. I hated it. It was my idea of hell on earth and I haven't repeated the experience in decades.

I think your life sounds lovely! I like both sides of this - staying in with a Chinese and MAFS but I also appreciate a posh restaurant/impressive cocktail in a smoky cloche on occasion. It’s doing different things that make life interesting to me.

I recently turned 40 and look back on my 20s with the realisation I spent a lot of time pretending to be someone I’m not. Lots of bad decisions made, alcohol usually involved. Because that was the thing to do.

I don’t drink now, I say no to things even when it feels uncomfortable, rarely feel FOMO and love nothing more than time at home with my sewing machine, or a book, coffee, my DH and my DCs. Bedtime at 9pm! WFH alone - love it. Saying no has caused me problems though - my childhood group of friends have not liked it when I say no to boozy weekends away. But I’m no longer willing to do social things I don’t want to do for the sake of other people.

@BasiliskStare Lol I might adopt FOBI myself, that about sums it up!

@Nosleepforthismum Absolutely I like a meal out, a nice bit of cake in a cafe in between mooching round second hand bookshops, theatre, concerts etc (not the cocktail as such as I don't drink but its all good) now and again. I don't condemn going out at all but I do get a bit 🙄at people who think not going out on the ran dan or socialising weekly = boring.

No, I don’t give a fig for what anyone thinks of me, mid fifties and I’ve never been any different. Very content. I go out to yoga or for a swim three or four days a week.

My job involves interacting with tons of people and managing the heads of several depts. I find the interaction exhausting.

I’ve got tons of interests/hobbies, some of which are seasonal. Doing a PhD, love my quiet life.

No, its not my imagination, its things people have actually said to I am referring to i.e. someone going "borriinggg" when asked my plans for the weekend or being told my interest in early music was like something a nun would listen to (I don't know perhaps it is I've known some pretty cool nun's in my time), not that it really matters in the grand scheme of things I just wondered about other peoples experiences. As you say I don't really think too much about what others get up to and have no judgement, they could be going clad in latex to a fetish club for all I care 😂

Why is it that "introvert" has such a negative connotation about it? I suppose it's because extroverts appear to have so much fun, and therefore those who don't partake are immediately judged as boring or whatever.

Honestly, I had a wild youth and was a party animal until mid thirties. However I often think that I was hoovered along with the "in crowd", and I don't think I ever truly enjoyed those mad years when I think back on it. I don't regret doing all those mad things like staying out all night, having mad holidays etc. but I wouldn't dream of doing it now.

Anyway, I am sitting here in front of the fire, listening to an audiobook, browsing and MNetting and it is great. The thoughts of having to go out to a crowded pub/restaurant/gig and mingle with hundreds of others, talk the small talk, shout out loud because no one can hear anything above the noise, look for a taxi home, and be knackered next day fills me with dread. Nope, not happening unless it is a celebration for someone close to me. I am an introvert and happy on my own, but I do love being with family.

I often read posts about people agonising about whether to go or not to a birthday, hen party, wedding etc. I say follow your gut. If you don't want to go, don't and decline with politeness but no explanation. Most people won't care and will move on with their own fun. We care too much about what people think of us, they don't usually think about us much at all!

Sounds heavenly OP.

I was a consent people pleaser in my 20s and loved a night out. Would accept every single invite for drinks, dinner & weekends away.

Then I got my own flat, and learned to be by myself. Really alone. And i loved it.

I would fill my days up with reading, cycling, hill walking and would have friends over for dinner now and again.

Now im 34, have two small children with my DP, and my ideal weekend is meeting a friend for a coffee, having an afternoon nap, reading, catching up on my favourite shows, journaling & spending time with my family.

Travelling abroad causes me more anxiety than it's worth. I hate flying. Even more so now I have tiny babies. Would rather a stay cation to a lovely log cabin and have a glass of wine in the hot tub with DP.

For me it's the simple things in life that truly make me feel at peace.

We're all in bed at 8pm on Saturday night.

Bliss.

I do about 90% of things alone because I prefer it that way. I have a lot of craft hobbies I enjoy so theres plenty to keep me busy at home.

I do enjoy things like say going to a museum but I want to do it at my pace. I don't want to read every bloody description card, which is what seems to happen if I go with someone else! I just want to look and move on!

I like holidays alone as that way I can please myself and again go at my own pace. If I want to spend the day browsing souvenir shops or hiking up a mountain or having a leisurely lunch with wine, I can just do it. I don't have to factor in anyone else's wants or needs.

I really like my own company. I think I'm a fun person 😂 I just like being fun alone!

My cousin is someone who needs to be out of the house all the time. When I went to visit her, a particular low point was sitting in McDonald's car park drinking a milkshake, while the wind and rain lashed around us as she didn't want to be in the house! I would hate to feel that way about my own home.

I used to care what people thought when I was younger. But now, let them think what they want. I don't mind what they think.

It's when they can't keep those thoughts to themselves that I get annoyed. Anyone questioning me, in a critical way, would get short shrift.

I had a fairly wild youth, lived abroad and travelled extensively. I do not feel at all embarrassed about living a quieter life now. I quite happily tell people that I'm dull but then of course most of them know that I've earned my quiet life 😂