If you are introverted, quiet, a homebody does it bother you if other people think you're boring?

[thesmartwife]

I have always been an introvert, in many ways a loner in that even when I go out I often prefer to do things like shop or art galleries on my own. I am pretty quiet and a bit of a homebody. I did spend my 20's working in a creative industry which was interesting and involved a lot of travel but hectic and I packed it in because I was fed up working with people and being away from home all the time.

I'm still a creative but work from home now, alone! I do like to go out to the theatre, cinema, comedy shows and music concerts if something on appeals to me, I like a nice meal out and I do still enjoy travel and am currently planning a trip to Japan. I do love being at home though with my husband. I love to make my home cosy, to cook nice food, movie nights and games nights often just the two of us. I like to knit and make things, do jigsaws, I love read and play the piano, do a bit of yoga or hike with my DH. I was never into partying and can't remember the last time I touched alcohol, it must be at least 10 years or more and I never drank much to begin with.

I am content with my life at 34 but I know some people do consider me boring because I don't go out for big nights out or because knitting or jigsaws seem like "old lady" things to do. I suppose a lot of it is perhaps down to me not drinking. I personally find a night with a good book, my knitting or playing chess with DH far more entertaining and fun than a night down the pub but people aren't shy in letting me know how dull it sounds to them.

So if you are like me an introvert, quiet or a homebody do people assume or think your life is dull and does it bother you?

I presume I'm boring. Why wouldn't I be? Why would it matter?

No

But you’re the one who is defining introversion incorrectly. It has nothing to do with being a homebody or not being sociable, it just means you recharge in solitude rather than in company.

I’m introverted, but am a confident, sociable person whose friendships are important to me — introversion just means I need a lot of time alone to rebalance, because being in company, while I enjoy it, doesn’t rest me. My job involves public speaking to large numbers of people, I have a husband and child and a house in mid-renovation, like to have friends around for dinner or to stay, I read a lot and love classical music and opera, I run and sing in a choir. I go away to stay with friends in other places, I climb and hike alone and with friends. Last weekend I went to Venice by myself for some solo time. I periodically do a solo silent retreat at a Buddhist centre.

Yes, I think your life sounds dull, but why would you care what I think? My life wouldn’t suit you.

I've always been a homebody really. I love travel and eating out, but day to day I would rather have evenings at home doing things that interest me. If I do go out, I'd rather be with my DH at the theatre or a restaurant or museum, than in a large group dancing or drinking.

It used to bother me that people thought that was boring. But now I think they are boring. They go out drinking with the same people in the same places, drink so much they can't remember half the night and spend the next day in bed. That's incredibly boring and I don't know why it's seen as the default cool thing to do. So I don't care what they think any more.

Used to, but not anymore. I couldn't give a monkeys what other people think these days. I value my peace and my small circle of friends and family.

I'm not bothered if others think I'm boring and tbh I doubt anyone cares or gives it any thought. After a day dealing with the public I like returning to my home to hibernate. I'm extrovert at work and transition to fully paid up introvert during the 50 minute drive home. Listen to Heart radio on the commute in and Radio 4 on the way back.

No. I couldn't care less what others think about my life or how I prefer to live it. Don't waste a moment on it.

No, I don't care what others think. Next door like having friends over at the weekend. Like this weekend, they entertain. I couldn't think of anything worse once the DC are asleep - I want the evening free to read books, do jigsaws, watch a film with family or just play piano for a while. Each to their own.

I think crafting is very interesting, but then I like art in many mediums. I'm happy to visit museums on my own, go to the cinema on my own, all of that. I do stay at home a lot too to read, write to of r just watch the telly.

I like my work, it makes me come in contact with strangers a lot, but I have trained myself with the eye contact and I do mask a bit. Most of my colleagues are nice and some I genuinely like but there's a distance between us like I won't let them cross into the friendship zone.

I'm going through s big change right now, an amicable divorce, and having to make other changes to accommodate that. It's challenging but I'm doing ok. I worry about being lonely sometimes.

One of my big life plans is to buy a campervan and go travelling around the British Isles and beyond on my own. No fussy DH or bored teenager to accommodate, just seeing things on my own terms. I might get a dog, too

I do go out with colleagues sometimes but I don't have close friends. In social situations I'm the listener not the speaker. I hate it when the extroverts try and force me to say something to a group. Just leave me in peace, please! I hate drunks and huggy people, they can FO too!

No. They clearly don't know me if they think I'm boring just because I like to stay home over going out partying.

I think people can get a bit hung up on the whole introvert Vs extravert thing. Didn't your man who originally coined the categories say that no one was actually one or the other? It only became a 'thing' thanks to those marketing people so it seems a bit of a precarious basis to build an identity from.

Here we go again.

Being an introvert does not mean you are quiet or are a homebody.

It is just a term used to describe how you recharge. Introverts recharge alone, extroverts recharge with company.

But anyway, I am quiet, and a homebody. My home is my safe space and I prefer to be there (also doing crafts). One of the reasons my ex cited his justification for cheating on me was that I never wanted to go out and do stuff (travel).

I have never met a boring person. I have met people who enjoy different things to me. DH likes guitar music, running and Italian cooking. I like baking, reading and current affairs. DS likes gym fitness, camping and debating, mil likes horse riding, church and wildlife in her garden. None of us are boring. You have a load of judgemental freinds!

I am not defining introversion that way at all and I know what it means very well, it is listed as one of the things I am I also clearly say I am a homebody and a bit of a loner, please read what I actually wrote.

How can you be boring if you're doing the things you enjoy doing? It's more boring to be doing something because its what you think you should be doing and not enjoying it. If others are more invested in what you're doing then they're not living their lives.
Just live yours.

It doesn’t bother me. Your life doesn’t sound boring it sounds lovely.

I'm quiet and introverted but I've had my wild days in the past. Not really a homebody and I like to get out of the house, but these days it's with my kids going to family friendly places and evenings are spent at home and we never have sitters for them. I don't drink either. So I expect people do think I'm boring, especially people I've only met since having dc. I keep people at arm's length and they don't get to know me well, so a lot of their thoughts are based on assumptions. I've never really thought about what they think of me until now, and it doesn't bother me.

I think, especially since Covid being 'an introvert' is being worn as some kind of badge of honor by some people.
At the moment I find it's the self diagnosed introverts that are far more judgy of other people's lifestyles than the extroverts!!
I have always loved a good night out (I'm 40 now) but the number of sniffy comments I have had from colleagues over the last 12 months about going out has been ridiculous! I actually had one teetotal colleague work out the number of units I drink in one night for me (even had a calculator involved 🤣) Can you imagine the uproar if I had commented on their none drinking?
The Christmas do this year is causing havoc, plenty of my colleagues are happily walking around the building explaining to anyone that will listen why they can't possibly go to the do and anyone that does go 'needs to get a life' (actual quote from colleague!)
To me OP's life does sound deathly dull, I would enjoy some weekends chilling at home but not all of them.

I read exactly what you wrote @thesmartwife — you misunderstand introversion and are misusing the term. As do large numbers of Mners.

Regardless, if you’ve been on here for longer than ten minutes you presumably know that the people who regard invitations with horror, flinch when the doorbell sounds, view wedding invitations as an act of war, and like nothing better than being curled up in their pyjamas at 6 pm, far outnumber those who enjoy social life of almost any variety. You’re the Mn norm.

I wouldn't think it boring at all. We're all different and most people are only thinking about themselves at the end of the day!

I don't care . I'm too old to care and I'm not going to be something I'm not to please someone else .

I think the problem is that you know some rude people rather than your interests.
Be honest if someone said to you they were planning on going to a football match or to ladies day at ascot and get wasted you might THINK "How boring" or "god that sounds awful." Just like you think your family members DIL is rude and racist but wouldn't say it to her MIL, whereas she's rude enough to say you're not "fun".

People have different ideas of what's fun and that's fine, its the insulting others' interests that's the problem - If people insult yours then you can either just shrug and think "wow you're rude" but take the high ground, or give it back to them "Why what are you doing? Omg that sounds so dull, I'd rather sit and watch paint dry than play golf/go to a Coldplay concert/go to benidorm, that's my idea of hell."

I've always been a knitter and a homebody op, had my wild times in my 20s. Can stand a night out once a month max 🤣. I do have a bit of FOMO but have learnt to understand my limitations. Being around other people too much can really drain me, so after a week at work I don't need a lot of company.

My good friends understand what I'm like, others probably think I'm a weirdo, but I'm beyond caring what other people think.

I'm an introvert. And i sometimes push myself and it does not go well. I went on a trip with some friends a few weeks back. It was all clubbing and drinking and shopping and i could not cope. I drank too much to help my social anxiety and turned myself into a stupid blubbering mess who talked utter tripe. Too challenging for me. (I'm over 50 for context).

Much happier with walking the dogs, being with my children, planning trips abroad with my children, watching cinema with my children and being with DH at the pub on occasion.