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Original poster

Why do young women hate older women so much?

152 replies

CurlewKate · 02/11/2023 13:50

When I was a young woman in all the excitement of feminism and equal rights campaigning, I thought that by now most of the battles would be fought and won. That our daughters and granddaughters would carry on the fight, and society would be well on the way to equality. But in reality legislation has changed but attitudes are lagging far behind. Far too many men are still stuck in the age of dinosaurs and despise women as much as they ever did. And even worse, many young women seem to regard older women with the same hatred, contempt or indifference. There seems to be little sense of building on what has gone before-depressingly in some ways things have gone backwards. What can we do?

OP posts:
ssd · 02/11/2023 20:45

CurlewKate · 02/11/2023 19:31

I do also think that people have some "history confusion." There was a post on here recently about people born 50/60 years ago wouldn't have been brought up with indoor sanitation!! And all the 80 year olds in care homes being forced to listen to songs from WWI !

Well some folk are just plain daft then

asterel · 02/11/2023 20:49

drickstie · 02/11/2023 19:34

I think this might relate to the gender debate and the rolling back of women's rights that is happening under the guise of "progressiveness" and much of it supported by young women who tend to be liberal feminists.

If you have any involvement in that area you come up against ageism quite a lot.

Exactly this - student-age young women are often fully bought in to a full package of “progressive” ideas such as: transwomen are the most marginalised group in society ever; sex work of all sorts is not just fine but positively empowering; surrogacy is a great choice for women to aspire to as it’s really convenient and you don’t end up ruining your figure; and middle aged women are all “white feminists” who are covertly racist and colonialist. Only bitter old Karens would ever think there was anything wrong with plastic surgery, unisex toilets, kids getting top surgery as early as possible, pop stars having babies by surrogates, and doing OnlyFans!

Actually, I find it really sad to see what a swizz a lot of the fashionable “feminism” is, that currently goes around on social media. To me it just looks like young girls being conned into being complicit in their own oppression, and lots of very unfeminist, anti-woman things being cunningly sold back to young women as “progressive”. But part of the new orthodoxy is that you actively distinguish yourself from the old-fashioned old women who have embarrassing views [like: it might be a bit demeaning to be referred to as a “person with a vagina”; or that sex work is exploitative and dangerous; or that maybe it’s not the job of women to “validate” the identities of men…]

MorticiaAddams69 · 02/11/2023 20:56

I'm in my 40's and have not seen, experienced or ever been part of hatred of older women at all?....hatred is a very strong word by the way. Sorry , no idea what you're on about 😕

ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 02/11/2023 21:06

I have seen ageism on MN - probably by a very small minority but I notice it when I see it - posters using the terms 'boomer' and 'Karen'.

It's quite possible that it also works the other way and I only particularly notice it against my own age group.

EmmaEmerald · 02/11/2023 21:08

OP looking at your updates, it seems you formed this perception of younger women having "hatred" and "contempt" for older women from MN?

I think there's a fair bit of ageism on here but I don't see MN as being representative of real life.

ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 02/11/2023 21:09

ssd · 02/11/2023 19:24

@CurlewKate , come on be honest. I bet we called some older women old biddies in our youth. Or even just thought it. We all do it, it only stings when we realise we are the old biddies now.

You are probably right there Blush

FloraFlawed · 02/11/2023 21:38

TBH, I see many women 50+ who are so petty, jealous and even spiteful about younger women. Envying other women's youth is definitely a thing. I am 50+ and try to be supportive of younger women, especially in the workplace.

PinkPantherPrat · 02/11/2023 21:44

Haven't noticed that. I do feel protective about younger women as I don't want them to go through the same pitfalls I have. When I was quite young I made friends with a lady 20 years younger than me and she's one of my best friends now.

Younger women probably think I'm a right oldie now though (40s) 😆

Borageandchips · 02/11/2023 21:47

Precipice · 02/11/2023 14:17

Women are trying to stretch themselves beyond all reasonable capabilities thanks to the equality movement.

What nonsense. If women are stretching themselves too far on the so-called 'double shift', that's not the fault of women's rights activists who fought for greater rights and opportunities for women. That's the fault of the patriarchal system and the 'movement' that tells men it's fine to leave this work to women.

Women have always worked. In the past, there was a greater chance that the woman, while still working long hours, could access only certain lower-paid jobs since the better career jobs were reserved for men, got paid much less for equivalent work, had the money she earned legally controlled by her husband rather than her. She worked even more to the bone, since working conditions as a whole were much worse. These are improvements that have been brought about, by what you sneeringly call the 'equality movement'.

I do think the level of expectation on women is still too high. A level of expectation that men seem able to swerve. Women are expected to work like they don’t have dc and parent like they don’t have a career.

And yes women have always worked but in my late grandmother’s generation, you had to leave your post as a senior nurse or a teacher or a civil servant if you got married.

PinkPantherPrat · 02/11/2023 22:07

PinkPantherPrat · 02/11/2023 21:44

Haven't noticed that. I do feel protective about younger women as I don't want them to go through the same pitfalls I have. When I was quite young I made friends with a lady 20 years younger than me and she's one of my best friends now.

Younger women probably think I'm a right oldie now though (40s) 😆

Oops, I meant older than me

Angrymum22 · 02/11/2023 22:20

I work with a number of younger women. They do have a habit of assuming that you’re from the Stone Age and have no idea.
I do like to shock them occasionally.
Being in your 20s in the 1980s was much more fun then nowadays. For a start no social media or mobile phones with cameras meant that you could make an absolute tit of yourself without the possibility of it going global within minutes.
Music was amazing. Men wore makeup and dressed androgynously without any gender issues. Sleeping around was ok until AIDS hit but then was much safer because everyone wore condoms.
Drugs were either dope or heroine, no one did cocaine outside of London and heroine was just not that cool. Dope ( or weed) was usually resin and different from the stuff they smoke today.
Your parents never knew what you were up to.
And you could do a proper pub crawl even in the average village because there were 10x the pubs back then. Pubs were fantastic social hubs and IDs didn’t exist.

ThePlatypusAlwaysTriumphs · 02/11/2023 22:21

I have no problem with younger women! I love the way my dds have challenged (and changed!) my opinions on lots of topics. I am open to new ideas. But sometimes the baby gets thrown out with the bathwater and experience is worth nothing (at work, not with my dds)

Itsbecauseiamamum · 02/11/2023 22:55

Angrymum22 · 02/11/2023 22:20

I work with a number of younger women. They do have a habit of assuming that you’re from the Stone Age and have no idea.
I do like to shock them occasionally.
Being in your 20s in the 1980s was much more fun then nowadays. For a start no social media or mobile phones with cameras meant that you could make an absolute tit of yourself without the possibility of it going global within minutes.
Music was amazing. Men wore makeup and dressed androgynously without any gender issues. Sleeping around was ok until AIDS hit but then was much safer because everyone wore condoms.
Drugs were either dope or heroine, no one did cocaine outside of London and heroine was just not that cool. Dope ( or weed) was usually resin and different from the stuff they smoke today.
Your parents never knew what you were up to.
And you could do a proper pub crawl even in the average village because there were 10x the pubs back then. Pubs were fantastic social hubs and IDs didn’t exist.

Great summary of the80s 😊

HRTQueen · 02/11/2023 23:10

I have not experienced this

I find young men and women are sometimes dismissive of older people and their experiences but it’s part of growing up every generation thinks they have discovered the more exciting areas of life

Flyhigher · 02/11/2023 23:39

It's difficult. There's no hatred but there a certain arrogance and dismissiveness.
I find younger women in call centres very hard to talk to. They make a decision repeat it robotically. And will not listen. Experience means a lot and they assume they know everything.

Orangeandgold · 03/11/2023 00:24

It is all about mentality.

assoneone in my mid 30s I will get on with you regardless of your age if we get on, you are a nice person and there is a mutual respect. I would expect the same back.

Many people carry prejudices. Not just with age.

marmaladeandpeanutbutter · 03/11/2023 06:55

I don't see much of a problem. I don't like it when I hear of read of women being called "old bags" and similar.

Cluelessat33 · 03/11/2023 07:23

@CurlewKate if you think we have reached a paradise of women maternity rights, you are wrong. I have struggled very hard and had to fight all the way for rights around maternity and just working. There is a LONG way to go, and I think its pretty depressing that you genuinely believe that younger women aren't picking up this baton and still having to fight. And says more about your perception of younger women that anything else. The fight definitely goes on. Please try and educate yourself about what younger women are doing in the workplace and working environment and at the highest levels to further these rights and fight against the struggles women still encounter. Someone has already mention a few, but Pregnant then Screwed is a good place to start. Mother Pukka is also a good place to look. All women who have not experienced the zenith of maternity rights you believe we are just offered on a plate, and continue the fight.

SeaPool · 03/11/2023 10:51

@Angrymum22 You are so right that in the 1980s Men wore makeup and dressed androgynously without any gender issues. In the 1970s too - glam rock was the living embodiment of this.

C8H10N4O2 · 03/11/2023 19:51

Custardcream1985 · 02/11/2023 14:50

I’m a millennial and I have a degree and good job, as does my husband.

We can’t afford a decent house because we’ve never inherited money. Saving has been tough due to impossible rent prices.

Women in previous generations in the UK often walked out of school, got jobs right away, married and walked into roomy three bed homes which they paid off fairly easily over a period which allowed for some retirement.

I think this is where the resentment comes from. I was told things would be amazing for me financially and I’d be better off than my parents if I worked hard. Didn’t happen.

All that and I still have to put up with men ogling my bum.

Yes this will be why older single women are in the group most likely to be living in poverty - because their life was strewn with roses and gold. 🙄

Custardcream1985 · 03/11/2023 21:09

Being single at any time in history has been dangerous for women. That’s just as true today as it’s ever been.

C8H10N4O2 · 03/11/2023 22:22

Honestly not sure if that reply is just ignorant or disingenuous.

Kazboo1 · 05/12/2023 17:23

You are so right, what is wrong with the children we created out of love to become monsters. Girls any way...till their 40,s.

SgtBilko · 05/12/2023 17:34

Custardcream1985 · 02/11/2023 14:50

I’m a millennial and I have a degree and good job, as does my husband.

We can’t afford a decent house because we’ve never inherited money. Saving has been tough due to impossible rent prices.

Women in previous generations in the UK often walked out of school, got jobs right away, married and walked into roomy three bed homes which they paid off fairly easily over a period which allowed for some retirement.

I think this is where the resentment comes from. I was told things would be amazing for me financially and I’d be better off than my parents if I worked hard. Didn’t happen.

All that and I still have to put up with men ogling my bum.

There are an awful lot of women for whom that didn’t happen and I am one of them. A lot of women pensioners are living in poverty because of not being able to work and put money into a pension pot, because of doing all the child care but also having low wages. My mother being another one. I think sometimes the feeling of ageism comes from these assumptions that all older women bought houses for peanuts and are now well off. I would ask not to put us all in the same bracket. I know that not all young women are earning high incomes too and I think things are very tough for the younger generations.

MsRosley · 19/03/2024 12:02

Discointhekitchen · 02/11/2023 17:16

I don’t think it’s specifically young women who hate older women.

I think society trains everyone to disregard older women. No longer attractive, and less likely to be in positions of power.

Starting in my career, my mentors were all middle aged men. Women either weren’t around in my career or had junior roles.

When I was a young woman, I didn’t hate older women. I was just oblivious to them…and I think it was to my detriment. It’s taken me two decades in my career to realise that it has mainly been women who’ve been my greatest allies and supporters. They would also have taught me so much about dealing with sexist twats.

Absolutely this. Younger women accept society's distorted view of older women, and imagine they will never get old themselves. They think their power lies in being able to attract men, and don't understand that 'losing' that actually liberates you.