Why do young women hate older women so much?

[CurlewKate]

When I was a young woman in all the excitement of feminism and equal rights campaigning, I thought that by now most of the battles would be fought and won. That our daughters and granddaughters would carry on the fight, and society would be well on the way to equality. But in reality legislation has changed but attitudes are lagging far behind. Far too many men are still stuck in the age of dinosaurs and despise women as much as they ever did. And even worse, many young women seem to regard older women with the same hatred, contempt or indifference. There seems to be little sense of building on what has gone before-depressingly in some ways things have gone backwards. What can we do?

@janicegarvey and @Custardcream1985 Women in previous generations in the UK often walked out of school, got jobs right away, married and walked into roomy three bed homes which they paid off fairly easily over a period which allowed for some retirement.

Part of this problem is because not enough housing is being built in the UK. I promise you that many of us older women are appalled with the situation and the difficulties it is causing for the younger women (and men) coming up behind us. We are living longer, there are more of us. Something needs to be done and whilst I worry about the implementation, the Labour green belt idea is a consideration.

My mother spent her entire working life during a period before the Equal Pay Act and the Sex Discrimination Act - she was in law a second class citizen paid less than the man next to her. Some of my friends have had their retirement plans ruined by the government - see WASPI women. Things might be tough for the young now, but these were and are problems brought about by the structure, not the women who had it visited on them. We need to take the fight to power, not blame the people who came before us, struggled in their own ways and fought for things to be better.

I've it read the whole thread but yes this is definitely a thing.

You should read the book Hags. It covers this topic

I do not hate older women but I agree with your assertion that women's rights are going backwards. I think it's partly because some young women have been sold the line than other groups have it harder (yes but it doesn't mean we shouldn't stop fighting for our rights) and they should campaign on other groups behalf over and above their own rights.

Well, I'm a boomer and I never just walked into roomy 3 bed houses lol🙄. We had to work for them, the same as younger people today.

Can't day I noticed this if anything it's older women hating the younger ones. I had awful trouble when I was in my 20s woth older women

Interestingly, when I was pregnant (and before) 100% of shitty comments about pregnancy and maternity came from women over fifty. No other demographic gave so much as a peep of disapproval, but you could guarantee that an older woman would have something rude to say.

I won’t generalise from that, but yes, my work nemesis in my 20s was a woman in her late 30s. She was vicious to all the other women, but fine with the men. She was the oldest there, but I don’t know if that had anything to do with it or if she just disliked other women generally.

Overall I’ve encountered far more women bullies at work than men (four to one).

And what, you place the blame squarely at the door of older women?! Rather than the MEN who have overwhelmingly held the positions of power, who have made the decisions that have brought us to the current financial situation we find ourselves in?! Your resentment is with the wrong people.

I can resent people without it being their fault.

Oh, I don’t know, plenty of women as well as men voted said people in power, and supported their policies. Plenty of women in politics were party to them too. For example, our household is currently paying substantially more on our mortgage because of a certain Liz Truss.

https://tlio.org.uk/an-englishmans-home-it-now-takes-24-years-to-save-for-a-deposit-compared-to-three-years-in-the-1980s/

100% this.
Divide and conquer, eh?

Could you clarify what it is that you resent? I hope it isn't older people!

The reason you can't afford a decent house has its roots in the Conservative government (Mrs Thatcher's government) of the 1980s. Policies were introduced that enabled the selling off of much of our social housing, at greatly below market value, to existing tenants. Without the building of replacement stock, this inevitably resulted in a reduction in the availability of affordable housing - and we've never caught up with demand. At the same time, regulations around mortgages were relaxed, enabling people to borrow more - and so house prices took off.

What you said is true. In the past, women could (and most did) walk out of school from the age of 15 and get a job within a few weeks.

As very few people went to university in those days, most decent jobs didn't require anything more than 6 O-levels (possibly a couple of A-levels if the job was above entry level). To begin training as a Registered Nurse or as a primary school teacher for example, you needed to be 18 and have 5 O-levels.

Government policies are what has forced us to change the way we live our lives. Some are undoubtedly for the better, but there is usually also a down side to most things.

I work with lots of younger women, they are great and we get on well. I don't see any hatred anywhere.

Loads to think and comment on-and I will. Just a quick thought. One thing I find difficult is when people forget that women's employment and reproductive rights, legal protections, and choices in childbirth for example were all fought for and achieved by the women from the generation that is so often disparaged as "old bats"and "old biddies" on here. Even "gentle parenting" was first advocated in the 1960s and 70s.

I can clarify yes.
I resent the judgement that is displayed by some women who are older, who benefitted from a Britain geared toward their success as a generation.

An example: on informing my parents in law that my youngest child would need to go into nursery aged one as I needed to return to work, my MIL told me it was a terrible shame I was unable to stay at home and enjoy him. She also expressed concern about his development, saying he would miss out on a mother’s care. I was made to feel horribly guilty because I need to work to pay my mortgage.

My MIL has a zero percent mortgage on her sizeable home. She didn’t work work until her youngest was 5. She then worked two days a week in a shop. Husband drove lorries. Their house is big and beautiful and they are on sun loungers in the Algarve as we speak. Yet I, a professional with a first degree I paid for myself am a bad mother because I need to work.

Some older women understand. Some are just not awake enough to get it.

I wouldn't blame them at all if they resented the fact i could buy a flat at their age and the can't. That's totally understandable to me and so unfair to them.

In the 80s whilst some might well have been doing well enough to buy a house, others were really struggling. The decline of traditional industries, economic crisis, 10% interest rates sent unemployment soaring. Unemployment was over 10% across much of the country generally, much higher in the north and NI had 20% unemployment. Many lost their livelihoods and their homes. There were riots across the country, partly as a result of desperation at the situation.

During this time it was absolutely not true that a girl could leave school and walk straight into a job. Youth unemployment levels were appalling. In the early 80s In the North East 90% of school leavers were unemployed..

My point isn't 'Look at us, we 'ad it 'arder. It's that times are always hard. Nobody has an easy ride. The details behind the headlines show that no generation of women had it easier than others - just different.

@CurlewKate , come on be honest. I bet we called some older women old biddies in our youth. Or even just thought it. We all do it, it only stings when we realise we are the old biddies now.

@CurlewKate I get why you find those comments difficult and you are right to remind us of who fought for those rights.
@Custardcream1985 your MIL sounds incredibly entitled and I am not suprised that you feel resentful towards her!
My Gran is not alive anymore but, on reflection, her views about 'working mums' were very much based in a defensiveness about her own role as a stay at home mum. She wanted to protect and defend her own life experience and she did that by criticising mums that work.
Most women are doing our best in a system rigged against us. Solidarity to all of you.

I do also think that people have some "history confusion." There was a post on here recently about people born 50/60 years ago wouldn't have been brought up with indoor sanitation!! And all the 80 year olds in care homes being forced to listen to songs from WWI !

Yes I was going to say exactly this! Very good book (recommended elsewhere on MN)

20 year old don't want to see 50 year olds and think they are going to end up like that.

Although I have a better figure now than I did at 20 😍

I think this might relate to the gender debate and the rolling back of women's rights that is happening under the guise of "progressiveness" and much of it supported by young women who tend to be liberal feminists.

If you have any involvement in that area you come up against ageism quite a lot.

That's a shame then isn't it. Not that you have a better figure - that's amazing and good work you!

It's a shame because I look around at the 50 plus year olds I know and I think they are incredible. They often look amazing, have kept active and taken care of themself and are leading vibrant full live They've suffered life's ups and downs (some terrible downs), have had successful careers, made real progress and change in the world and raised happy loving families. They're wise, kind and full of ideas and fighting spirit.

One friend volunteers for Samaritans after decades as a palliative care nurse and at 73 looks like a rock chick to me. Another who still works her own croft and was at Greenham Common in the 80s.

If young women look at older women and think, Jeez, I don't want to end up like that it's neither woman's fault. It's the fault of a society that fails to value the core elements of what it is to be a woman of any age.