Why do young women hate older women so much?

[CurlewKate]

When I was a young woman in all the excitement of feminism and equal rights campaigning, I thought that by now most of the battles would be fought and won. That our daughters and granddaughters would carry on the fight, and society would be well on the way to equality. But in reality legislation has changed but attitudes are lagging far behind. Far too many men are still stuck in the age of dinosaurs and despise women as much as they ever did. And even worse, many young women seem to regard older women with the same hatred, contempt or indifference. There seems to be little sense of building on what has gone before-depressingly in some ways things have gone backwards. What can we do?

This is a two way street. Look at any thread about parenting and you’ll see older women calling younger mothers “precious” for wanting to keep their newborns close and not pap them off to grandparents at weeks old. They’ll be told their raising “entitled brats” for doing gentle parenting. Yesterday there was a thread about what gets on your nerves when your trying to relax in a cafe and several older women said “performative parenting” and gave examples of a mother chatting to her small child about their babyccino. Young women need to make sure their kids don’t make a peep out on public, but also shouldn’t use a screen to entertain them, but also don’t engage with them too much in case it looks “performative”.

If you are interested in what young feminists are doing today then follow the causes we are working on. Pregnant Then Screwed for better parental working rights. Parents For The Future for environmental issues for our children’s futures. Did the whole Me Too movement pass you by? The many, many young women ripped apart for coming forward about sexual assault at the hands of powerful men? But no, I’m sure your right. We’re doing nothing but sitting around bitching about older women.

I don't understand what the OP is saying. I don't hate older women. My mum and grandmother are older women. I love them. I work lots of older women; I really value their stories, life experience and advice. Some are like work mothers. If anything, I think there is a richness in these age gap relationships.

I agree with a previous poster, alot of woman in their 50s and 60s i know personally have expressed to me they think women in their 20s and 30s are lazy and if we cut down on "spending" we would be able to buy our own property, when infact they got lucky buying their houses for dirt cheap from the right to buy council homes (thanks thatcher)

Very well said @SeaPool

There is an irony in a thread about young womens' anti-feminist hatred of older women where posters then go on to rip the shit out of these supposed womens' appearance. It's so misogynistic.

I see it on social media a lot. Young people calling any women over 30 "grandma" or "hag."

And thanks to you too @PeppermintMandy 💐

I got called 'old' on here once by another woman. I'm 32. I do see ageism on here sometimes, expressions like 'old bat' used which makes me really sad. I haven't encountered too much irl luckily, but I can only imagine that it's due to their own fear of inevitable ageing.

Younger women are perhaps terrified of being an older woman in this society. Older women are not looked up to for their wisdom and knowledge - in today's world we are seen as powerless, Karens with looks that have faded. I only really notice this in a work setting, not anywhere else. I don't notice it from younger men. Young women at work love all the Happy Non-Binary Day but squirm in their seats at National Menopause Day. They don't want that association. They are scared that the same is going to happen to them, they don't quite believe it is going to, but it is. They don't want to belong to the older woman's club. But they will be a card carrying member soon. There are always younger people bringing up the rear, pushing the young ones further along the conveyor belt of life. Don't hate us girls. You are us. We were you.

@SeaPool you don't sound militant to me. You sound lovely and rational and I agree with most of what you said (coming from a traditionalist no less!) 😊

I don't see hatred. I'm 50, and most of my staff at work are younger, and we get on well and socialise at times.
I do, however, notice that over the last few years they seem to have started believing that rather than my experience being valued, my age makes me a dinosaur, and they always know better, and often put me down (even when I'm right!) It has really affected my confidence, and it gets me down. I keep up to date with my profession as much as any of them, but the younger ones will often double check what I've advised with other younger team members, or even ignore my opinion
It's not hatred, it's just as if my age makes me less relevant or useful. At a time when my own dds (with whom I have a great relationship) are more independent and need me less it feels hard! I sometimes feel I currently don't have a purpose. Actually looking forward to moving to the next stage, retiring, so I can volunteer and hopefully one day help with grandchildren!

Look at any thread about parenting and you’ll see older women calling younger mothers “precious” for wanting to keep their newborns close and not pap them off to grandparents at weeks old. They’ll be told their raising “entitled brats” for doing gentle parenting.
I agree.

I also said earlier I don’t agree with certain aspects and certain strands of feminism. I haven’t said which, for fear of opening a can of worms. But here they are: I don’t agree with trans exclusionary radical feminism, gender critical thinking, misandry, or “smashing the patriarchy”. I don’t appreciate being taken to task for changing my name on getting married (I had my reasons, and believe it should be my choice anyway and none of anyone else’s business) or for prioritising my children over my career at this stage in my life (I do work 4 days a week in a busy professional job by the way).
I am the mother of a boy and a girl and I find the way the sexes are pitted against each other and men often demonised by some militant feminism very, very disturbing. I have many very close male friends, as many as female, and do not believe it is their nature by default to be violent sexual predators.
BUT I do NOT hate older women, or indeed even the feminists in question. I have at least a couple of gender critical friends. I am just very firmly for my right to disagree with their views without being demonised myself.

Sadly a lot of women will tear down other women, of any age. A certain types of woman will step on other women for their place of favor in the patriarchy, and they don’t like the types of women who say no to the bullshit. It just so happens that a lot of the women who say no to the bullshit are older, having had their eyes open to the bullshit over the years, and a lot of the women seeking favor with the patriarchy are still young, having not yet had years of having lumps kicked out of them by the patriarchy.

I think if you want an example of this, you only have to look at porn. Quite a few younger women think it’s fine, empowering even. I mean, what could possibly be fine or empowering about the disgusting way women are treated in what now passes as mainstream porn? On the whole, I’d say far more older women see through the bullshit these younger women are being fed, and the ones who say it aloud get treated pretty poorly, yes.

not going along with the bullshit will get you ostracized in a lot of circles, and that goes manifold for not going along with the patriarchal bullshit. Men will hate you, because men generally hate women anyway, and certain types of women, more likely to be younger women, will hate you because you represent a threat to their favour seeking with the men.

YANBU OP

you only have to see how some people on here talk about grandparents especially grandmothers. Basically expecting them to give up their retirement to look after the grandchildren, going no contact if they don’t conform, etc

I hate sweeping brush strokes like this. Simple answer. Younger women do not hate older women. Or not in my experience. Why would they? Do younger women not care about feminism.... also not in my experience. I work in a male dominated workplace and have tried to do my own small bit for the furtherment other women's rights and voices.

I mean it hits both ways. I see so many posts or responses to posts which would suggest older women seem to have a big issue with younger women (this post being one).. the way they dress, their politics, their outlook and approach to life, their priorities, their approach to careers, their approach to relationships, their approach to parenting. There is very often criticism aimed at younger women.

The only agenda this sort of post manages is to further infighting amongst women, rather than support for other women. Poor form really.

I think there's animosity between generations, but it goes both ways.

Older people are Karens or Gammon or Boomers. Outdated, complaining and greedy, hogging all the wealth.

Young people are snowflakes, or woke and are on their phones/social media all the time.

Some of the most ageist comments I've read on here have actually been aimed at teenagers, not older people.

So you could equally say why do older women hate younger ones?

I agree @ThePlatypusAlwaysTriumphs
I'm heading towards 60 and in the last couple of years have found a really undermining vibe from some younger female colleagues. I think it's because I'm old enough to be their mother (possible grandmother at a push!) so they're somewhat dismissive of my view. Which is all well and good except for the fact that I'm their boss. They will check with others about things I've asked to be actioned, or voice a negative opinion on something until the younger, cooler staff completely back me up. Then they get on board.
I've also overheard phrases used about other more mature staff that I've had to put a stop to, like referring to the school cook as 'that old grandma in the kitchen'. It's massively disrespectful and never seems to be used towards any older men in the community.

I've seen a bit of this, mainly on MN where ageism is rife.

In real life, I've had a long career, am now in my 50s, and I'm generally well respected at work because I am very good at what I do. I'd never experienced ageism at work at all, ever, until a young woman of 23 joined us. I was really shocked at her attitude towards me and other older women and found her rude, unwilling to listen, stroppy and disrespectful - something I've never found with the young men I work with. I was able to deal with it (nicely) but I was secretly delighted when she moved on. It's just one example, and is hopefully not representative of young women in general, but her attitude towards me and similarly aged colleagues I found really shocking.

Not my experience either. I'm 60 and and get on fine with my twenty something colleagues.

Eugh… I’m actually cringing for you….

What do you mean by older? I'm 55. I feel well respected by younger colleagues at work (male and female).

I still participate in a sport at vets level and younger athletes appear to respect my experience, ability and knowledge.

I have a mixed age friendship group, afaik, no one "hates" me.

So what exactly do you mean?

I do sometimes feel like no further progress has been made since the early 90s and in some ways we've gone backwards, but I don't experience young women hating me.

I don’t think it’s specifically young women who hate older women.

I think society trains everyone to disregard older women. No longer attractive, and less likely to be in positions of power.

Starting in my career, my mentors were all middle aged men. Women either weren’t around in my career or had junior roles.

When I was a young woman, I didn’t hate older women. I was just oblivious to them…and I think it was to my detriment. It’s taken me two decades in my career to realise that it has mainly been women who’ve been my greatest allies and supporters. They would also have taught me so much about dealing with sexist twats.

This ^^

I’m probably the same age as you then.

I’m talking about our mother’s generation. They evidently suffered hardship due to their womanhood in many ways, but the country was developed for their financial success as a generation. Their parents were motivated by the war to create financial security for them, and they did it well. My mother in law speaks fondly of the purchase of her house back in 1980. She enjoyed the process, and was also on the council housing list ‘incase we liked any of those ones’. Property was bountiful and family life valued and encouraged. Now working mothers like me (and you too, perhaps) are crippled by guilt, expensive childcare, and in many cases the instability of rented or poor housing.

"Karens" are not older women who complain.

They're women of any age over 25 who complain loudly and vociferously on no valid basis.

Plenty of women complain without making tits of themselves or insulting the people they're complaining to.

Re your 3rd paragraph ... that's not the fault of the women is it ? That's the fault of the system which has allowed spiralling house prices and a vastly reduced standard of living

Btw I am similar age to you, a little bit older, and feel the same resentment as it's so difficult nowadays for ours and the younger generations