I've never felt so low in my whole life.

[ThereIsNoTomorrow]

Just posting to get it off my chest really, the dark thoughts have crept back in the last few nights.
Me and my 2 children are in a refuge because we are homeless, we are 2 weeks in and 17 and a half months away from being rehomed.
I feel like a complete failure to them, my medication for depression isnt even taking the edge off.
If I didnt have them with me I'd no longer be here, I dont know where to turn.
I have no family to ask for help because of my ex who was controlling and abusive, it's all just getting too much for me to cope with

Can you have pot plants?

They should be able to move you if you’re not safe. If you’re up for starting again anywhere, you’ll have more options, you could even have a look where in the uk there are refuges in decent areas and call and ask if they have any rooms free. Don’t be afraid of advocating for yourself and taking a little of the control back. 💛

Contact your local talking therapy team, don’t sit with those thoughts on your own

I'd also add that if you are fine with moving elsewhere perhaps consider an area with a shorter waiting list for housing? Don't know where you are currently but there are areas where you might well get a home quicker. The council could probably advise on that.

I also went for a fresh start away from my ex and it made me feel so much safer knowing I wouldn't bump into him.

I'm in the west Midlands, I wouldn't really mind where I moved too aslong as we were safe and happy.
Couldnt get an appointment again today and I'm struggling so so badly.
I've had a really shitty day and night with the kids, we went out this afternoon but since coming back to refuge they have both been nightmares. Fighting, shouting, I ended up turning all the lights out and going in the bath for a good cry. I just miss home and so do they 😭

Could you consider relocating to a rural area? I mean for permanent housing really. It might give the 3 of you a nicer quality of life. Are there no support workers on hand? To discuss your concerns about kitchen cleanliness etc. It seems likely you wont be the only one who does not find this satisfactory x

Sorry to hear you've had a bad day, OP.

Having a good cry is sometimes what we need!

Just sending all my best.

I'm sorry OP, it's pretty relentless at the moment. Hopefully you will hear back soon about an appointment.
In the meantime, do you have a phone or ipad or something you can give to your kids with a movie or tv show to keep them quiet for a few hours? Don't worry about too much screen time, just use whatever distraction you can to get through the next while.

You will build a new home for you and your kids which will be safe and happy, but it will take a while. Just keep thinking of that and try to get through each day.

I lived in a women's refuge with my mum and liked it because it felt like an adventure and I felt safe. There were lots of other kids and they did trips during the school holidays.

I’m really sorry you and the kids had a bad day 💛 Some refuges are definitely better than others and can depend on funding and good staff not to mention the other residents 🤯😵‍💫. Start planning for your new home and future and get your kids involved. Is there anywhere in the UK you’d like to live?

I'm happy to move anywhere in the UK, somewhere quiet ideally and not busy like where I live now.
If you have any suggestions I'd really appreciate it, preferably with a short wait time for housing

Really hoping to get an appointment tomorrow, I cant remember the last night I had a proper sleep. I spoke with staff about the kitchen state and they said a few other residents had made the same complaint so a house meeting is going to be called, so that's a positive.

Well done re the house meeting.

I don't know this organisation, OP, but I wonder if they might be able to help?

https://homefinderuk.org/domestic-abuse-relocation-service-revive

This looks really promising, take all the support you can get 💛

OP there’s a thread in classics from a single mum who relocated to Scotland and loves it, I’ll try to link.
She researched where she could be housed quickly and it worked out really well for her.

You are doing great btw, hang on in there, it will get better x

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/mumsnet_classics/4766930-single-mum?page=1

Have a read x

West devon is usually reasonably easy to get housed. Please feel free to send me a pm if you want more info. I was in a similar situation 9 years ago and relocated here from London.

I'm in Scotland. Happy to help if you have questions.

@ThereIsNoTomorrow How are you getting on today? How are you feeling?

Ride out this rough time. You will come out of this eventually and life WILL be good again.
Sometimes we endure the hardest times of our lives to make us strong. Life never stands still, it's constantly evolving and things constantly change. Your situation isn't permanent so hang on on there, ride the shitstorm.
Sending you my very best wishes for a bright and happy future 💓

One day you will look back and say to yourself thank goodness I had the courage to leave. Thank goodness we got out when we did.

One day your children will quietly ask you and you can honestly say that you did what was best for them at this time. This is important. You have removed them from harm. You are doing your best.

This time will pass and you'll get your forever home together with your children.

You are doing so well, many don't do what you've been prepared to do. Hang in there.

Sorry I havent checked in and updated.
I volunteer in a charity shop and it's been the best thing being able to get back in now the kids are back to school, feeling better in myself today however still not sleeping.
Scotland is too cold for me 😆

Well done on walking away from the abuse. Through work I know out of area victims of DV are rehomed into East Yorkshire. I'm not in that exact sector so don't know about waiting times. Some are in lovely villages. I would avoid the east coast eg Bridlington, Withernsea as schools are generally not great.

I was thinking of you today, OP.

So glad to hear you're feeling better and back volunteering.

My sleep tips:

No caffeine past 12pm

Sunlight on your skin for 20 minutes within 2 hours of waking, and a good bit if exercise.

No blue light after 7pm - I use a f.lux filter if I'm on my phone

Magnesium citrate supplement

A good bedtime routine- something quiet and chilled to wind down for an hour or two before bed.

No more than one unit of alcohol

As you can maybe tell I put a lot of effort into sleeping well. 😁

ThereIsNoTomorrow

i hear you
and of course you are low
you have been through horrific stress and and now are bruised
and facing uncertainty

I think you need to see a GP , maybe up your meds . Maybe attend some support groups . And force yourself to exercise and eat right

Its really hard to throw yourself at your mental health
but we have to do it for our kids x