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Awful school hymns — which ones did you loathe?

354 replies

DumboHimalayan · 26/10/2023 12:09

This is for those of you who had to sing hymns every morning in assembly at school — which were the ones you hated, that made you groan inside when they came up, and why?

For me it was a toss-up between One More Step Along The World I Go and Who Put The Colours In The Rainbow. Both of them toe-curlingly banal both musically and lyrically, both of them cringily childish in that way that's particularly objectionable to children who are just that little bit too old for something, and the former also having that nasty shoehorned mismatched meter that forces the emphasis on to all THE wrong words and syllABles. (Thankfully both were ditched by senior school, where the worst one musically was probably an alternative tune for All Things Bright And Beautiful. No, not the one you're thinking of. No, not that one either. A different tune , one that I've never been able to find corroborating evidence for online, which appeared to have been composed using note selection by dice-throw, in a hurry, and which they gave up on after the first disastrous all-school attempt.)

BTW I'm coming at this from a purely aesthetic perspective — I'm not and never have been a Christian, just had to sing the songs for a decade or so, some of which I enjoyed from a musical perspective, and others not .

OP posts:
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Theokaycokey · 26/10/2023 15:43

The only good thing about 'Give Me Oil in My Lamp' was when, in the chorus, some poor child in the infant's would add an additional 'of Kings' to the last line of the chorus and our headteacher would explode!! Obviously not good for the poor child who had to face the menacing beetroot coloured face of the headteacher who showered them with the flecks of foam that formed in the corners of his mouth. But for the rest of us it was mildly amusing.

Barbadossunset · 26/10/2023 15:43

Sugarfree:

An oxbow lake is a U-shaped lake or pool that forms when a wide meander of a river is cut off, creating a free-standing body of water. The word "oxbow" can also refer to a U-shaped bend in a river or stream, whether or not it is cut off from the main stream.[1][2]
In South Texas, oxbows left by the Rio Grande are called resacas. In Australia, oxbow lakes are called billabongs.

Theokaycokey · 26/10/2023 15:44

Autumn Days, Cross Over the Road and Think of a world were my firm favourites.

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Findyourneutralspace · 26/10/2023 15:45

Colours of day, dawn into the mind…

For the PP, that was number 55 in the hymn book. The chorus went:

So light up the fire and let the flame burn
Open the door let Jesus return
Take seeds of his spirit, let his love grow
Tell the people of Jesus, let his love show

JuicyFroot · 26/10/2023 15:45

Aaah thanks for the nostalgia @DumboHimalayan
(And the earworms 😉)

I attended a CoE junior school over four decades ago, and going through this thread, I was instantly transported back to the wax polished parquet floors of the assembly hall, singing along to some of these with gusto!

Grumpyoldpersonwithcats · 26/10/2023 15:46

What are Oxbow Lakes?
A river feature favoured in school geography lessons. Effectively it's a disused meander. Wikipedia will explain.

DiolchamFawr · 26/10/2023 15:46

Someone please tell me that we weren’t the only Primary School to sing
”we can use our hands for Jesus” to the theme tune of Z cars.
Im haunted by it to this day……

clappyjay · 26/10/2023 15:47

Everyone used to giggle at ‘I was cold I was naked were you there were you there’

PissOffKen · 26/10/2023 15:50

I’ve got ‘give me oil in my lamp’ as an earworm now. I’ve just been singing it while walking round Lidl.

KStockHERO · 26/10/2023 16:00

No1MumPendant · 26/10/2023 14:13

‘Think of a world without any flowers’ was SO depressing. Reminds me of being in an endless assembly in a stuffy hall that smelled of cheesy feet and whatever monstrosity they were cooking us for lunch Grin

I was at primary school in the 80s, in an inner London area with a massively diverse population. We sang a weird mixture of hymns, 60s folk music and songs from the Caribbean Grin. I don’t think there were many (if any) practising Christians. It was weird that you had all these kids singing about Jesus.

My worst religious song was ‘He’s got the whole world in his hands’, followed closely by ‘Jesus gives us the water of life’. Hated the upbeat, happy clappy ones. I was more into the moody ones. I loved Christmas and ‘In The Bleak Midwinter’.

Edited

Talking about songs from the Caribbean, you've just reminded me of a Christmas play we did when I was in year five. The finale was the whole year group singing "Mary's Boy Child" as loud as possible in a Jamaican accent 😱

I remember rehearsals being very focused on getting the pronunciation of 'Lord' correct - basically 'Lard'.

Jesus fucking Christ.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 26/10/2023 16:08

In Australia, oxbow lakes are called billabongs

😲I was NEVER told this in my ox bow lake lessons. This is the first l know of it!

Billabong - Wikipedia

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Billabong

RaraRachael · 26/10/2023 16:15

Lord of the Dance terrified me as a child. I thought the words were "And I'll EAT you all in the dance, said He" and I'd visions of this man going around gobbling up children.

My XBiL and SiL had it at their wedding which I thought was an odd choice,

minipie · 26/10/2023 16:16

@FreestyleInTrance I came on to mention that hymn! Never sang it at school but did on some Christian camp I went on with a very evangelical Baptist friend 😮

It’s the “I know I don’t deserve anything“ line… let’s teach little kids self hatred !

DahliaMacNamara · 26/10/2023 16:23

We never had any of these new-fangled Colours of Day type numbers at my school. Or any hymn books. The hymns at assembly were on large printed sheets displayed on tall easels, and there were never any that you wouldn't have sung in a standard service in the church over the road. I remember the headmaster telling us we were going to sing a song from the pop charts, and of course it turned out to be Morning Has Broken. I love the Cat Stevens version, but it's bloody dreadful when droned out by 12 classes of junior school kids.

Steala · 26/10/2023 16:28

The golden cockerel!

Elderflower14 · 26/10/2023 16:28

Irridescantshimmmer · 26/10/2023 15:11

Onward Christian soldiers......my friend who was a drama student and a pretty good one stood up and started to sing " give me hope Jo' hanna.

It's been updated to Onward Christian Pilgrims now!!
I was at a service in the local sheltered housing with a friend of my mums. We both refused to stand up and sang Soldiers loudly instead of Pilgrims.
The other thing that irritates me is the new version of the Lords Prayers "Forgive us our sins." When everyone is saying it I say the traditional trespasses version!!

BucketofTeaMassiveCake · 26/10/2023 16:31

Kumbaye - such a boring dirge. When the headteacher got us to sing an extra verse (for not sounding enthusiastic enough?) the entire school audibly groaned and for that we got the punishment of having to sing two extra verses.

I think she got the message though because it seemed be 'retired' after that.

DumboHimalayan · 26/10/2023 16:31

@Elderflower14

Ah, but are you a "which art"er?

OP posts:
RaraRachael · 26/10/2023 16:36

We used to sing "I'm the king of the jungle" at which my TA said "I'm not paid enough to make stupid animal noises" so we both stood with our arms folded.

The kids used to sing "I will make you pishers of men" instead of "fishers" which we found hilarious and didn't correct them.

PlasticOrchid · 26/10/2023 16:41

Steala · 26/10/2023 16:28

The golden cockerel!

I found this in an old hymn book the other day!

I lead the singing in my school and the children cheer when they get to sing Jubilate.

They love anything that can be sung as a round: Seek ye First, Shalom my Friend.

Singing practice is the highlight of my week!

Fifthtimelucky · 26/10/2023 16:57

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 26/10/2023 12:46

It because songs use moors than one activity. Hearing and speech. That’s why we always remember songs ( 25 years a teacher) using to methods of action help you learn better

This is why l remember no Latin or French verbs.

My daughter used to make up songs to help her remember her Latin verbs!

Steala · 26/10/2023 17:07

Milk bottle tops and paper bags: we got to do some clapping and bellowing "no no no"!

Fifthtimelucky · 26/10/2023 17:08

BlueEyedPeanut · 26/10/2023 12:57

You had hymn books? Fancy! We had an overhead projector which we had to take turns "turning" the pages.

At primary school we had nothing. Just learned all the hymns from memory. We spent a long time singing during assembly so we picked them up quickly and I still remember most of them (I'm in my 60s).

My least favourite was probably The Golden Cockerel. My favourites were There is a Green Hill Far Away, When a Knight Won His Spurs, God has Given Us a Book Full of Stories and I Love God's Tiny Creatures.

CathyorClaire · 26/10/2023 17:37

I still sing' I was cold I was naked were you there?'
to dh on a parky winter's night when he's nicked the quilt.

I think I probably sang most assembly hymns quite lustily. It kept us warm.

Natsku · 26/10/2023 18:03

tobee · 26/10/2023 14:09

My Dh hates the lyrics to verse 4 of We Three Kings

Myrrh is mine; its bitter perfume
Breathes a life of gathering gloom;—
Sorrowing, sighing,
Bleeding, dying,
Sealed in the stone-cold tomb.
O Star, &c.
but then he's very sensitive like that

That was my favourite verse!

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