Has a man ever helped you when you were being harrassed/threatened/assaulted by another man?

[Echobelly]

I see a lot of stuff on social media, more usually from the US, about men talking about how they see themselves as 'protectors' of women (hmmmm 🙄) so it got me wondering how common it actually is for a guy to help when they see a woman being obviously harrassed, assaulted or threatened? And were they big macho types (usually the type who makes videos online about how they protect women) or just ordinary guys who helped by noticing?

I've never been in a position where I needed anyone to intervene fortunately... I have been with DH when he went over to a couple having a heated argument to check if the woman was OK (she claimed to be, although didn't look it., and they went off and we hoped at least the guy might lay off now someone had taken noticed) and I know my brother intervened, non physically, when he saw a woman being assaulted, so clearly it does happen. I suspect most of the time it is ordinary blokes just saying something rather than macho men rushing in with fists flying.

Actually I forgot one. I worked in a shitty shelter and we (group of 4 female staff) were leaving a late shift. A group of suited and booted City boy types, drunk, started in on us. Really aggressive 'flirting'. We saw one of the dealers we knew, scary bloke. We spoke to him and he saw the men off.

They were very affronted we'd talk to the dealer not them. We knew who the threat was and it wasn't the man with the extensive criminal record (who was probably tooled up).

Talk about a meet-cute.

@Rogue1001MNer I would have loved to haha, he was really handsome and pretending to be a couple came really easily to us 😂 but when he didn't friend request me afterwards I assumed he either wasn't interested or he had a girlfriend.

Now I'm older I realise that there's at least a chance he might have liked me but didn't want me to feel like he only stepped in to get in my pants!

I see him from time to time on the local news as part of his work. He's aged well!

No never.

Including times where multiple men could have helped (eg harassment on a single decker bus, concluding in a random guy sticking his naked arse right in my face), didn't, and then got off the bus rather than wait a few minutes to act as witnesses when police were called by the driver.

Well keeping telling him “it’s ok, you stop pretending now Brian, the creepy guys gone” 😂

My Dad intervened a few times when we lived in a rough part of South London. The time that really sticks out in my mind was when he heard a man and woman arguing in the street outside and he could hear the woman getting more and more upset so he stormed out there and asked the woman to come in our house (😳) and he would call the police - and she did (!) and he did (!) He was often doing things like that. To be honest I’m surprised he never got seriously hurt. He’s also ran outside and literally sat on a bloke trying to break into another house and kept shouting for someone to call the police and stayed sitting on him until they came (!) My Dad was a very strong looking 6ft 4 guy and I think he was just lucky that people didn’t tend to mess with him.

That's so romantic @TheUltima

@MrsTerryPratchett, I think I'm getting a girl crush on you! (I won't hassle you though). But, tbh, you had me at your username, and have done for years

Yes. Many times.

My brother ran to get my parents when next door’s son took me in the garage and tried to show me his Willy when I was 7.

When I was 16, a boy I was snogging outside the pub pinned me against the wall, tried to finger me and slapped me when I resisted. Another boy from my class saw the slap, pulled him away and punched him in the face. He also made sure I got home safe. Weirdly, I’ve never told anyone about this, or written it down before.

I was harassed by a guy I had gone for after work drinks with once (there were a group of us) and he got shitty when I resisted his advances. A guy who was a friend (and someone I had briefly dated) witnessed the situation and got me away and home safe.

When I was 17 there was a much older man who kept pushing me / trying to get my number. A cousin of mine, who is very big and has a bit of a violent rep threatened to break his legs. He left me alone after that. My family have a bit of a rep locally, they are ‘known’ and although this has it’s down sides, there are situations where this kept me safe. I would only have to mention my surname and people would back off 😂This isn’t some weird brag btw. Ironically, I’m actually a pacifist as an adult.

That's very sweet! I have noted your fine work on many threads

Sounds like a sliding doors moment @All2Well

I remember being 21 and in the pub with my housemates (3 men) and one of them being weirdly protective of me because he could see that there was a man who was standing behind me being lewd in my direction. Housemate insisted I move seats to sit next to him (cornered in/protected by him) and suggested I held his hand as we left to make it look like we were a couple. Said housemate wasn't particularly known for being protective, but he was quite helpful on more than one occasion in a platonic way - he came to the pub with me when I had accidentally arranged to go on a date with his mate but I had no idea it was a date and wouldn't have accepted. We didn't keep in touch, but I miss him.

A couple of times a random man has stopped if I've been parked up in a layby to check that I'm ok.

I’ve had this happen at least once but I believe it’s rare. A man on the train was being both sexually and racist abusive to me in a sly way as we were standing at the door waiting to get off at Euston after a long journey.

He then tried to follow me along the platform but the two men who had clocked what was going on walked beside me the whole way. I think one of them had said something to him as well and asked if I was ok. I said thanks before I headed to the underground. They were seemingly nice normal guys, can’t remember much about them except one was Asian in his 20s probably the other was white in his 30s and both fairly well built /stocky but didn’t come across macho.

I imagine those type of men who bang on about being protectors only intervene for women they find personally find attractive and even then they wouldn’t normally say anything unless they thought they may get sex out of it.

😳😳😳❤️

Although there's an autocorrect in your post. I think you meant...

I have noted your fine work gobby, often drunken, meaningless rants on many threads
🤣

No

A woman stepped in when I was 15 and in my school uniform and a 40+ man wouldn't stop asking me personal questions

A friend of mine from uni told me they were walking home after a night out. It was in a university city where the taxi drivers were sadly known to be racist.

Her and her friends ( all POC) tried to flag down a taxi which drove past them and stopped for 3 white guys about 20 metres in front of them. The white guys had apparently saw what happened and held the taxi for them until they caught up and ushered the girls in.

Obviously it’s a bit easier now with Uber and taxi apps so nowadays you’d just tell the racist driver to stick it but back then (2007ish) it wasn’t so easy to get taxis on a Friday night and so those guys saved a group of girls from having to walk home in their heels at 3am. There’s so many ways to be a “protector” that doesn’t involve being “macho” or centring yourself as the hero.

No but I have had them for all macho and want to beat up the person who assaulted me 😩

When I was a teenager a male acquaintence intervened to stop me getting raped. I was very drunk at a house party and doing a terrible job of fighting off this guy who had me pinned on the floor and was taking my clothes off, I was repeating "no" again and again.

My saviour was also drunk, he wondered into the room, looked at the scene and said "aw come on mate get off her" in this very casual way. And the man did. I remember almost nothing about that night, but I will never forget hearing that sentence. The thing that hit me, even then, was that this man just gave no fucking shits about the fact I was fighting and saying no, I was upset, I was grabbing at my clothes, I'd be traumatised for life. But the most mild suggestion from another man - that he'll listen to! My saviour then slightly ruined it by trying to get off with me, but at least he took no for an answer.

I have a couple of times gone for "drunk new friend" to men I've decided are being creepy as fuck.

I go hang round their neck, do a whole "I know youuu, you werre at xxxx, we had a great time". Either the woman has time to extricate herself, or creepy man makes excuses himself and wanders off. It's a good way to diffuse without the risk of getting punched.

I'm working to spread the idea in the hope that if DP or DD need help, someone will do the same for them

Yes my brother was glassed at age 19 when he tried to intervene when a girl was being badly beaten up by her boyfriend. The girlfriend backed up the boyfriend....he was never prosecuted

A dear friend of mine died some years ago after being punched and his head hitting the curb it turns out ( from other witnesses) that he intervened when a guy was being aggressive to his girlfriend and then they both turned on him. My friend was really a great guy not the sort to go looking for trouble. It was tragic but I have still invited both a young girl and young guy to sit next to me on a train ( at different times) when they were being hassled, the young girl by an older guy and the young guy by a middle aged hen party. I’m older now and don’t gaf as I live in a pretty rough area.

Out in town one Saturday night 30 years ago I was waiting for my kebab in the kebab shop. Drunk bloke came in with his mates and grabbed my bum. I spun round and slapped him hard enough to knock him across the floor. He was about to object when the Turkish guy behind the counter waved a meat cleaver at him and chased him out of the shop. This was in Newcastle.

I also know someone who died from a rogue punch when intervening on someone else's behalf

Yes, one time an ex was angrily chasing me down the road and shouting. It was broad daylight and on quite a busy shopping street so a few men and couples stopped. I walked quickly away from him and one of the men who stopped walked after us to check i was ok. It felt good to know people had stopped and intervened.

Yes when I was about 16 I was at a teen disco with my boyfriend of a few weeks. We were arguing about something and he took hold of my chin and was shouting into my face. A guy I sort of knew to see came over and removed him, boyfriend tried to say I was antagonising him or whatever but he just hauled him off without a word. (Obviously I never went out with him again.)