Has a man ever helped you when you were being harrassed/threatened/assaulted by another man?

[Echobelly]

I see a lot of stuff on social media, more usually from the US, about men talking about how they see themselves as 'protectors' of women (hmmmm 🙄) so it got me wondering how common it actually is for a guy to help when they see a woman being obviously harrassed, assaulted or threatened? And were they big macho types (usually the type who makes videos online about how they protect women) or just ordinary guys who helped by noticing?

I've never been in a position where I needed anyone to intervene fortunately... I have been with DH when he went over to a couple having a heated argument to check if the woman was OK (she claimed to be, although didn't look it., and they went off and we hoped at least the guy might lay off now someone had taken noticed) and I know my brother intervened, non physically, when he saw a woman being assaulted, so clearly it does happen. I suspect most of the time it is ordinary blokes just saying something rather than macho men rushing in with fists flying.

Yes, I was being followed by a man for a few minutes who was obviously trying to get in my space (didn't know the man), and I was just on my phone texting Mt partner to help me, when another man squared up to the weirdo stalker and got him out of my favorites e so I could walk away to safety. This was just after Sarah Everard so I think everyone was reeling after seeing what happened to her. I was very grateful to that man. He didn't hesitate to step in.

Out of my face, not favourites

Yeah I've had a taxi driver spot that I was being followed by some men in a car and he dropped me home for free.

No, but I have stepped in and pretended to be someone's girlfriend in order to stop them getting beaten up. He was only about 17 and I was 23!

Yes, I was getting harrassed by a man at a bus stop who would not take no for an answer. I must have been 21/22 at the time. A man who was in scrubs (must've worked at the nearby hospital) stepped in and told him to leave me alone.

Yes a taxi driver stopped and helped me.

No, never. I've stepped in between men to deescalate things tho.

Yes. As a student nurse out alone one night a twenty something man pinned me to a shop front. I completely froze. His mate pulled him off and hauled him away.

I do to be fair! I could count on all of my male friends, neighbors and relatives to defend me if need be. Not sure if it’s an Irish thing of looking after our own, or just dumb luck, but I won’t knock it 😂

Twice - once I was working as casual staff at a fancy corporate event and I was getting sexually harassed by a table of drunken men, called all sorts of vile, vulgar names, then they moved on to trying to touch me. One repeatedly tried to kiss me.

I went to the (male) 45 year old boss who hired me and told him in front of one of my closest guy friends who I would have trusted with my life,
that I was afraid of them and asked to swap tables or have my boss speak to them. The boss said "it's par for the course if you're an attractive young woman, I'm afraid." and shrugged/refused to let me swap or come speak to them. My guy friend literally did the fake looking at the ceiling thing and pretended I didn't say anything. There was another guy that was working that night who had graduated from the same course I was studying on the year before me but didn't really know me who over heard.

I sorted of choked back the tears and went back to clear up their table ready for the next course. I was trying to keep my distance but they were still trying to grab me and one of them got my hand pulled it hard so I was wedged between him and the next man and started kissing my hand and I was stuck. Another one was shouting slut and laughing at me and I just felt really panicked for a split second.

Next thing I heard this voice, "Hey,
love, y'right? Can I just grab you for a word a minute?" and it was the guy that I didn't know well that had graduated before me. The guy that was trying to kiss me dropped my hand and went, "what, are you her BOYFRIEND or something?!" and he said, "Yeah, I am actually. And I need a quick word with her."

I turned around and he very quietly asked if it was ok if he took my hand. He sort of led me away from the table a bit and he said, "look at me. You're alright, I'm not going to those b*stards touch you. My table's next to the kitchen and smaller than yours, boss won't let me swap but I've got enough time to get my table done and help you with yours. I hope I didn't do the wrong thing or embarrass you pretending to be your boyfriend but you looked panicked and I heard what you said earlier. I won't let you out of my sight. Make a point of telling them I'm the jealous type and it's best not to make me angry."

He was amazing the rest of the night working both tables essentially and they did leave me alone after that. Made sure I got to my car safely (at 2 in the morning) and no, he didn't make any attempt to sleep with me, get my phone number or anything like that. Last thing he did was apologise for holding my hand and leading me away. Proper, genuine gentleman.

Second guy - I was at a charity ball, there was a really creepy guy (who was actually there with his girlfriend!) ruining my night, following me and keeping trying to dance with me, sort of forcing himself on me. I kept having to sit down to get away from him. Then he'd sit down and stare at me.

My friend had introduced me to her cousin, we had a little chat. He seemed like a really nice guy. Later I got up to dance again and creepy dude came up again...I turned to go sit down again and my friend's cousin stepped in front of me and asked what was going on. I told him, he walked up to the creepy guy said what looked like one word and the dude went pale and left! Never saw him for the rest of the night. Nice cousin guy stuck around to keep an eye on me all night. I asked him what he'd said to make the creepy guy so scared and he said he couldn't possibly say. Nice cousin also made no attempt to flirt/get laid etc. Just a decent man.

Not quite me being assaulted but I’d gone to a football match with my young cousin. I was about 24, he was about 8. It was an evening game and dark when we came out. We were walking up the road when people in front started shouting and running back towards us. I’d been to hundreds of matches (went every home game from the age of 10) and never seen any major trouble. I couldn’t believe it was happening when I was in charge of my cousin!
I grabbed his hand, said “We need to run, don’t let go” but before we could go anywhere, a massive bloke shouldered me and my cousin through a front gate and behind a hedge. He said “stay put and keep quiet” and shut the gate, keeping himself next to the gate. He grabbed one other family and kept them with us, and stood guard by the gate until it calmed down, when he said “seems alright now. Have a good one” and left.

In the event there wasn’t any trouble. Someone up ahead had thrown a bottle and people panicked and because it was dark it was hard to see what was happening. But I was genuinely scared for my cousin and this bloke just took over.

It's normally a woman. Twice I have been out with dh and cried in public. I was 20 weeks pg and just had a scan and emotional and started crying in the high street, dh was trying to calm me down and two woman came over to check I was OK ( hormones and tired. Embarrassing!) I think the other time I was in pain and struggling to walk, I think I twisted my ankle and dh was looming over me doubled up and again a woman checked I was OK.

However two young men did spot me being hassled by a persistent man in a pub and then sat next to me until he buggered off.

Yes at university guy was hassling me a lot and several guys helped get rid of him and arranged for a girl to go back to my room with me. Just ordinary nice guys.

Few other times as well.

My ex was a teacher, a bloke wouldn't leave me alone whilst I was waiting for my friend in a pub until... "oi, get your hands off Sir's missus" ... the lad must have been 16 max and obviously shouldn't have been in the pub but credit to him for stepping in.

I remember I had one step in when another man put his hand up my skirt when I was standing at a bar.
Later he licked my arm though so that was possibly worse.

My late-husband did this once on a very busy train from London. People just sat watching as this young woman was being persistently harassed by an older man. When he realised the man wasn’t for leaving her alone, he moved the man along who ended up trying to get aggressive with him. He stayed to check the young woman was ok and we moved to sit nearer her and her friends. I was really concerned the situation could have gone badly which I guess is why most people don’t step in in these situations.

I’ll never forget when a boy of about 12/13 came over on his bike to check everything was ok with my ex and I when we were arguing in a car park (classy I know but it was a quiet, out of the way car park).

I just thought how brave are you.

@All2Well
I think you should have married the first guy. He sounds lovely!

Yes. I was being pulled around by an ex. A man stopped his car, got out and told him to leave me alone. He shouted to me that his wife was in the car and I was to get in with her. I did. He had a strong word with my ex (he was ex at the time too). Then the couple drove me home. The man kept telling me that I shouldn’t ever take that from anyone.

Twice. Once was in the street when a disgusting arse whispered "I can smell your cunt" to me. I'd had enough and shouted "fuck off" at him. A lovely man stopped, asked if I was OK, stood with me, was just THERE. I honestly felt like crying I was so grateful.

The second man was a stranger at the time and now a friend. I was being touched repeatedly in a bar and he asked if I was OK. I said no, I went to sit with him and his friends. Still a mate now. Weirdly, when it comes up, he looks all surprised and says, "oh yeah, I suppose I did help you". Takes no credit, doesn't want a medal, just a good bloke being good.

However, there are 10s of times, probably over 100 actually, when I was harassed in the street and people homes by men, in groups or alone, witnessed by lots of other men, who did and said nothing.

I've got in the way of so many of these men, stopping and protecting women, but men stand by. I'll never forget the look on the face of the bloke who raised his hand to his girlfriend in a club and me and my friend both stood up (all piercings, DMs and combats) to stop him. He looked like a wolf who's watching a herd of sheep discover collective action. Wanker.

Not me personally but I was recently walking through a high street with DP and DS when ahead of us there was a clearly very inebriated man talking to two young women who were sat on a bench. He was swaying and clearly wasn’t someone they knew and they were trying to ignore him but he was hanging around so DP asked them if the man was bothering them. As soon as he approached, the man walked off, and the girls thanked him and said he’s a local known for his antics and they just ignore him.

They we’re aged between about 16-20, and I’m glad DP stepped in. He isn’t macho protector of women just an ordinary guy who doesn’t wanna see anyone being harassed.

My husband and my father have both intervened on separate occasions when they saw a woman being hit and shouted at. Both occasions the women in question turned on them but at least they know they did the right thing. It’s complicated when there is a’relationship’ going on because it’s not uncommon for the abused to side with the abuser, out of fear perhaps?

I used to work in a shop on an out of town retail area, and the lovely manager used to walk me to my car on dark nights when I wasn’t parked near the shop front. Even when we were parked near the shop front he used to stand at the doorway and make sure we all got in safe and reminded us to keep our doors locked when driving so no one could enter the car if we stopped at lights.

Nope. I was beaten up in the street in a nice suburb when I was very young by a man I'd told I didn't want a second date. Loads of passers by, and nice couples that included men, ignored it as if it wasn't happening.

Oh, and I forgot, my parents met this way. A creepy guy was hassling my mum in a pub and my step dad went up and pretended to be her partner. They’ve been married coming up to 20 years now.