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Original poster

Losing your shit in your 40's

111 replies

LaDamaDeElche · 18/10/2023 08:50

Is anyone else losing their shit in their 40's. I'm 45, I think I'm perimenopausal, I'm drinking too much wine, can't seem to get motivated in life, have a 13 year old who is a nightmare, a DP who also seems to be losing his shit and is so grumpy compared to how he used to be, fed up with my job and just generally feel unsettled and like I can't cope. Is it just me, or is anyone else in the same boat?

OP posts:
WineWithAView · 18/10/2023 08:59

Yep. Peri menopause added to every day life stresses. I lose my shit less now that I'm on HRT.

Original poster
LaDamaDeElche · 18/10/2023 09:17

I think I need to go to the doctors and ask about that. Both my mum and grandmother had a much worse time during the perimenopause than during the actual menopause.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 18/10/2023 09:19

Stop drinking. Honestly, it can make peri-menopausal issues so, so much worse.

Interested in this thread?

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Menopause Women's health
Stilldigging · 18/10/2023 09:22

Yep. Lost my shit at work recently from nowhere. Grumpy with DH. Waiting for a doctors appointment to talk about HRT.

Whatnowwww7 · 18/10/2023 09:24

I’m on HRT and it’s helped, but still feel a little more fed up, tearful and demotivated than 10 years ago! (I’m 42.)

Drinking makes it so much worse so I don’t drink much at all.

Seas164 · 18/10/2023 09:33

Perimenopause hit me like an absolute train early 40s, I had no idea. I just wasn't expecting it to be like that. I thought I'd get a bit hot and bothered early fifties, but I had so many real and significant physical and mental changes, I was not prepared for it at all.
HRT (Mirena, patches, and testogel which was key) restored almost normal service though, and without being dramatic I sort of feel like it's saved my life, and changed things around fairly quickly. Maybe see a private clinic if you can, then transfer over to GP with letters and results etc, if you want to go that route.
You're not alone.

spitefulandbadgrammar · 18/10/2023 09:35

Yes. I don’t drink, though. I’d bloody like to but DP is a recovering alcoholic in denial; if I had a drink he’d think he could have one too. Another thing to be furious about! I honestly daydream about setting my life on fire: sell the house (most of the equity is mine), leave my kids behind, go and live in a hut with no people near me. Sick of being ASKED THINGS, I AM NOT GOOGLE.

CreationNat1on · 18/10/2023 09:36

44
Sick of working, so sick of it
2 awesome teenagers
1 decent ex husband

1 recent fling with a rich neighbour who told me when he was drunk he wanted to have a son with me... Lols. He knows my ex H, apparently we could all go to the rugby together. Me him, my ex, my 2 current sins and our new son, one big happy family.

1 aging mother and 2 older menopausal sisters all behaving nastily, nasty remarks, I ve gone low contact with all of them. Which is a pity.

Drinking too much as well, and plan on seriously cutting down.

I m finding it very difficult to manage friends right now, they are all consumed by their own lives, not available for light hearted fun. I think it's a time of life phase.

Original poster
LaDamaDeElche · 18/10/2023 09:37

Aquamarine1029 · 18/10/2023 09:19

Stop drinking. Honestly, it can make peri-menopausal issues so, so much worse.

I'm not like a raging alcoholic or anything, but drink a bottle of wine a week, but in one night. Before I would have made it last two or three.

OP posts:
Original poster
LaDamaDeElche · 18/10/2023 09:39

Seas164 · 18/10/2023 09:33

Perimenopause hit me like an absolute train early 40s, I had no idea. I just wasn't expecting it to be like that. I thought I'd get a bit hot and bothered early fifties, but I had so many real and significant physical and mental changes, I was not prepared for it at all.
HRT (Mirena, patches, and testogel which was key) restored almost normal service though, and without being dramatic I sort of feel like it's saved my life, and changed things around fairly quickly. Maybe see a private clinic if you can, then transfer over to GP with letters and results etc, if you want to go that route.
You're not alone.

I live in Spain, so it's easier to get HRT here, I think. Can't afford the private route, so will make an appointment with my dr

OP posts:
Hufflypuffly123 · 18/10/2023 09:42

I think far too much is attributed to perimenopause when it's other normal life things.

I'm 45 and not in peri but can relate to lots of things you said.

Davros · 18/10/2023 09:49

My DSis recently started HRT in the UK without any difficulty getting it. She had relevant symptoms of course.
I remember getting very arsey in my early 40s (20 years ago!) but I'd had a baby at 43 which probably contributed. I let rip at someone at DS's school and that was the last straw. I had been getting used to voicing all my issues in no uncertain way and it had become a habit. I quite enjoyed it as I'm not usually like that at all. I just had to change my ways and stop doing it, easier said than done

Original poster
LaDamaDeElche · 18/10/2023 09:53

Hufflypuffly123 · 18/10/2023 09:42

I think far too much is attributed to perimenopause when it's other normal life things.

I'm 45 and not in peri but can relate to lots of things you said.

I think the difference is when those normal things have been something you can cope with before, but now you feel like you're going crazy. Link that with the joint pains, really noticeable mood swings, anxiety etc, and you know perimenopause is a real thing.

OP posts:
Seas164 · 18/10/2023 09:58

I think there are maybe more women in their 40s that feel like they're losing their shit for no real reason, than women in their 40s that realise they're in perimonopause earlier than they expected.

cocksstrideintheevening · 18/10/2023 09:58

spitefulandbadgrammar · 18/10/2023 09:35

Yes. I don’t drink, though. I’d bloody like to but DP is a recovering alcoholic in denial; if I had a drink he’d think he could have one too. Another thing to be furious about! I honestly daydream about setting my life on fire: sell the house (most of the equity is mine), leave my kids behind, go and live in a hut with no people near me. Sick of being ASKED THINGS, I AM NOT GOOGLE.

Oh my god the being asked things! H asks me non stop questions, when he's got his fucking phone in hand and Alexa in the room. I just ignore him now.

OceanicBoundlessness · 18/10/2023 10:07

I also want to live in a hut.
I'm sick of being everyone's emotional sponge.
I did it for my mother who probably set the pattern, then the kids who are now older teenagers, friends though I'm getting better with my boundaries over this one and I have some great reciprocal friendships, then back to my mother.

I just want to be in a hut where the only voice I have to hear is my own.

SnapdragonToadflax · 18/10/2023 10:08

I'm 42 and ALL of my friends (some a bit older) have stopped drinking in the last couple of years. We just can't hack it anymore, it's not worth the dreadful hangovers or general shittiness of how it makes you feel.

Apparently once you're through the menopause women often find they can drink again? So I'm looking forward to wine again in my 60s 😂but until then - no thanks.

DiaNaranja · 18/10/2023 10:09

I'm 37 and I swear in perimenopausal. I'm so teary and fed up with everything. Any small thing sets me off feeling shit all day. My job stresses me out. The only saving grace is my children are fairly easy going and delightful most of the time, I don't think I'd cope if they were difficult. My DH is also great most of the time too, and very hands on. I hate feeling like they're all walking on eggshells around me, but that is genuinely how I think they must feel sometimes as I get upset so bloody easily. Wish I could relax but I feel angry and upset all day. Constantly have thought of "running away"... No idea where I think I'm going to go!

spitefulandbadgrammar · 18/10/2023 10:15

@cocksstrideintheevening I’ve tried ignoring, I’ve tried “dunno, what do you think?”, I’ve tried snapping “stop asking me, I’m not your emotional support brain!” Still keeps at it. It’s like I have zero inner landscape or daydream space anymore because any gap left after the mental load of small children is FILLED with his constant fucking verbal googling.

I keep a list on Notes on my phone called Stupid Fucking Questions.

What time is dinner? (When he’s cooking it, for the DC, who eat at the same fucking time every day)
How much soup should I do for DC?
Shall I post this letter now or later? (It’s his fucking letter, I just hissed at him like an angry goose)
::reading from the meal plan:: Pizza and salad… so shall I put a pizza in the oven and make a salad?
What do we need from the shop? (The stuff on the fucking list)

We have a wall calendar, a shared Google calendar, a shared ongoing shopping list, a meal plan on the fridge, he’s got eyes and a smartphone he’s always looking at, I’m fairly certain it has Google and the weather, but he can’t put a fucking sick on the baby without checking with me first.

Wow I’m angrier than I thought! He also lists his chores at me: so I’m doing a darks wash now and I’ve hung the towels out, I’ll take the recycling out later. Me: I don’t give a flying fuck. Those are his jobs! I have my jobs! I don’t want to think about his too! I don’t send him minutes of my meetings with the dishwasher.

midlifemelancholy · 18/10/2023 10:16

Yes.
I am
Feeling exactly the same

Toloveandtowork · 18/10/2023 10:16

Maybe it's not down to the perimenopause, but a lack of support while being overburdened that's worn you down. Family life for a start, and being a mother in that squeezed situation...

Original poster
LaDamaDeElche · 18/10/2023 10:25

Toloveandtowork · 18/10/2023 10:16

Maybe it's not down to the perimenopause, but a lack of support while being overburdened that's worn you down. Family life for a start, and being a mother in that squeezed situation...

I think it's both, it's just that the stresses of normal life have become something I can't cope with, whereas before, I'd have a wobble, like anyone does and just get on with it. I seem to have been having a constant wobble for the last year and can't get on with it, like I did before. I'm also having shorter cycles and unexplained joint pain too. Been for various blood tests and X-rays and absolutely nothing is wrong with me to be causing the pain in my joints. Definitely perimenopausal. My mum and my grab suffered badly in their mid 40's too.

OP posts:
Original poster
LaDamaDeElche · 18/10/2023 10:25

*gran

OP posts:
Original poster
LaDamaDeElche · 18/10/2023 10:25

midlifemelancholy · 18/10/2023 10:16

Yes.
I am
Feeling exactly the same

Sending a virtual hug. It's shit, isn't it?

OP posts:
doubleshotcappuccino · 18/10/2023 10:31

52 and feeling good with the following cavaets:
No more than two drinks on an evening out but no wine ever - just could not at all
Movement most days ( yoga/ Pilates)
No social media in the evening
Magnesium
Loads of water throughout the day
Stay away from mood hoovers / toxic people
No caffeine after lunch.
Protect sleep .. sleep mask and a magnesium

Feel better and more control now than I have for years.