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Original poster

Losing your shit in your 40's

111 replies

LaDamaDeElche · 18/10/2023 08:50

Is anyone else losing their shit in their 40's. I'm 45, I think I'm perimenopausal, I'm drinking too much wine, can't seem to get motivated in life, have a 13 year old who is a nightmare, a DP who also seems to be losing his shit and is so grumpy compared to how he used to be, fed up with my job and just generally feel unsettled and like I can't cope. Is it just me, or is anyone else in the same boat?

OP posts:
Hugosauras · 19/10/2023 12:54

Defo stop drinking or cut back. As a perimenopausal woman you are at far greater risk of liver damage than when younger. Estrogen helps with the way the liver processes alcohol. Very sadly my sister now has end stage liver failure. It also makes perimenopausal symptoms worse.

Teenagers are generally hard work, esp when combined with looking after the elderly parents. Everything starts to creak more in middle age. It's hard work. Motivation doesn't just come out of no where. Physically achieving things releases happy hormones that reward and promote further motivation. So if you want to feel motivated, you have to take that first step of doing something towards a small goal or achievement that you set for yourself. There is no other way. So if you want to lose weight etc, you can start by treating yourself to a new item of clothing, hair cut or something that inspires you to want to feel better about yourself, or download a slimming app, or go for a swim once a week etc. It then will get easier and easier. So I would get a good weekly planner and actually decide what it is that you want to do and then be realistic as to when would be the best time to do it/fit it in and schedule it for a specific time/day. That would be my starting point.

Hugosauras · 19/10/2023 12:56

I'm not like a raging alcoholic or anything, but drink a bottle of wine a week, but in one night. Before I would have made it last two or three.

Binge drinking a bottle quickly can cause more liver damage than drinking it spread out, esp during perimenopause.

CreationNat1on · 19/10/2023 13:18

Thank you for this information about alcohol, it's so important for us to hear. Thank you.

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Vettrianofan · 19/10/2023 13:19

I can't blame alcohol as I only have a rare shandy, tbh. Usually enjoy a herbal tea at night though. Tumeric tea, lavender tea, camomile tea etc. Helps me to unwind. As does reading.

OceanicBoundlessness · 19/10/2023 13:21

staryellow · 19/10/2023 12:20

I empathise, @spitefulandbadgrammar My dh is the exact same. Everything he does has to involve him describing what he's doing or asking me a question about it. Between him and dc I never get to finish a thought in my head. They're not profound thoughts or anything but I still want to finish them

Yesterday I wanted to have no thoughts in my head but ended up losing my shit over my youngest teenager demanding to know why the wrong sort of cheese is in the fridge.

Lavenderosa · 19/10/2023 13:30

Needs to be on a T shirt.

Losing your shit in your 40's
PunkPeach · 19/10/2023 13:31

Could have written this myself today…

BrownTableMat · 19/10/2023 13:32

Notcookie · 19/10/2023 12:41

I'm so interested in this. I have been having joint pains in my wrists and base of fingers, hips and ankles. How can you tell if its peri causing it or if its actually arthritis? Like rheumatoid arthritis.

I'm 45 but can't take HRT as had oestrogen positive breast cancer.

Show quote history

I had the tests for rheumatoid arthritis and they were clear (I think it’s inflammatory markers in the blood). Osteoarthritis in my toes was diagnosed by x ray.

I hope you find something else that helps given that you can’t take HRT.

BobbinThreadbare123 · 19/10/2023 13:51

I am joining in. I'm 40 and I've been fobbed off by the GP re meno as I am apparently too young and the ridiculous blood test they use didn't say anything useful. I have no kids and I usually only have a couple of pints every other weekend. I know I am still in here - I've felt so brain foggy etc but I recently started a course and I am good at it, so my brain hasn't melted. I already have arthritis and it's become worse but in tandem with my cycle. I'm not finding anything fun anymore and I can't be arsed to exercise or go out. I am so angry and it's going to get me in trouble soon I reckon! I will look into some of the suggestions about supplements etc from PPs on this thread, so thank you for sharing.

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 19/10/2023 14:22

I post my shit a lot in my 40s. I had my second/last baby 3 weeks before my 41st birthday, and she didn't sleep much for 3 years. I put my madness down to exhaustion, but in reality peri was probably compounding it.

She is now 12, I'm in my 50s, havn't had a period fir a few months and everyone is much calmer.

Original poster
LaDamaDeElche · 19/10/2023 18:02

I'm so interested in this. I have been having joint pains in my wrists and base of fingers, hips and ankles. How can you tell if its peri causing it or if its actually arthritis? Like rheumatoid arthritis I've had specific blood tests and also X-rays. Nothing came back abnormal at all. I was convinced I had rheumatoid arthritis, but got prescribed collagen and it's been much better than before.

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