Page 4 | Losing your shit in your 40's

LaDamaDeElche · 2023-10-18T07:50:58+00:00

Is anyone else losing their shit in their 40's. I'm 45, I think I'm perimenopausal, I'm drinking too much wine, can't seem to get motivated in life, have a 13 year old who is a nightmare, a DP who also seems to be losing his shit and is so grumpy compared to how he used to be, fed up with my job and just generally feel unsettled and like I can't cope. Is it just me, or is anyone else in the same boat?

FredFrenackerpan · 18/10/2023 14:45

I'm kind of waiting for the rage to come. My biggest flaw in life is being ultra patient and calm. People can do anything they like and I will not react. I'm hoping peri and or menopause will unleash me! I have various things going on that would probably make anyone else utterly ragingly angry, but I seem to have this strange (possibly unhealthy) capacity to deal with it all. Does everyone get the rage with perimenopause? I'm 46, and am probably going through it, but I don't know because I am not having this experience...

peppermintcrisp · 18/10/2023 14:46

HRT (Mirena, patches, and testogel which was key) restored almostnormal service though, and without being dramatic I sort of feel like it's saved my life,

Yes me too. My joints were so bad I would crawl up the stairs. Also every other joint seemed to be crumbling.

HRT has pretty much 95% cleared this up for me.

SurvivingCPTSD · 18/10/2023 14:51

My memory is suffering. I forget the names of familiar objects, friends, pieces of music on the radio. It's quite frightening at times . Is it all going to be downhill from here?

BastetsWhiskers · 18/10/2023 14:52

Same here too OP - probably different circumstances for each of us but I'm thoroughly fed up of things at present

watchingsmurfs · 18/10/2023 15:15

I’ve found my people! I’ve just taken up yoga and hoping it will help.

Totally relate to zero tolerance to annoying questions. Makes me want to scream!

bombastix · 18/10/2023 15:19

This sounds very familiar. I find myself really short tempered at work. Maybe a trip to the doc is in order

doubleshotcappuccino · 18/10/2023 15:53

@LaDamaDeElche try the biolectra brand of magnesium- works a treat for me

doubleshotcappuccino · 18/10/2023 15:54

For those trying yoga as well as the amazing Adrienne on YouTube I've also recently discovered Charlie Follows on YouTube as well -
She's v good x

picturethispatsy · 18/10/2023 19:16

CreationNat1on · 18/10/2023 14:38

Some of this is the extra work women do in life in general. I remember being on holidays and random kids with grazed knees coming up to me seeking plasters or solutions in general.

Please find your own parent!!! Grown men and women randomly asking me for plasters, directions. They want a mother figure to mind them.

I agree with this.
It’s the unseen mental load of being a woman that no one tells you about and you don’t realise until you’re in your 40s and your hormones are suddenly all over the place and you find you need to put yourself first for once.
It’s subconsciously passed down generation to generation.

morningtrain · 18/10/2023 19:20

spitefulandbadgrammar · 18/10/2023 10:15

@cocksstrideintheevening I’ve tried ignoring, I’ve tried “dunno, what do you think?”, I’ve tried snapping “stop asking me, I’m not your emotional support brain!” Still keeps at it. It’s like I have zero inner landscape or daydream space anymore because any gap left after the mental load of small children is FILLED with his constant fucking verbal googling.

I keep a list on Notes on my phone called Stupid Fucking Questions.

What time is dinner? (When he’s cooking it, for the DC, who eat at the same fucking time every day)
How much soup should I do for DC?
Shall I post this letter now or later? (It’s his fucking letter, I just hissed at him like an angry goose)
::reading from the meal plan:: Pizza and salad… so shall I put a pizza in the oven and make a salad?
What do we need from the shop? (The stuff on the fucking list)

We have a wall calendar, a shared Google calendar, a shared ongoing shopping list, a meal plan on the fridge, he’s got eyes and a smartphone he’s always looking at, I’m fairly certain it has Google and the weather, but he can’t put a fucking sick on the baby without checking with me first.

Wow I’m angrier than I thought! He also lists his chores at me: so I’m doing a darks wash now and I’ve hung the towels out, I’ll take the recycling out later. Me: I don’t give a flying fuck. Those are his jobs! I have my jobs! I don’t want to think about his too! I don’t send him minutes of my meetings with the dishwasher.

This. Just this.

WeighDownOnMeStayTillMorning · 18/10/2023 19:38

Oh yeah. Shit utterly lost. Marriage a bit ropey due to teenager having issues, led to an emotional affair, led to basically a full blown midlife crisis and absolute unrelenting mental torture.

It's been quite a fucking year.

Cheers 🍷

Dahlia82 · 18/10/2023 20:12

Yep. I spent most of my 40s like this. Peri menopause starts earlier than you realise IMHO and chucking wine at it only makes it worse, sadly. I’m 50, now on HRT and recently stopped drinking. I’m so much calmer, more together and happier than I was when I was 40.

BastetsWhiskers · 18/10/2023 20:14

@WeighDownOnMeStayTillMorning cheers to you 🍷

Vettrianofan · 18/10/2023 20:16

Found my tribe. That's basically how I feel. Very short tempered at the moment. DH pisses me off. Sometimes have to get away from everyone at home to be alone. Life feels overwhelming. Worse at that time of the month!!

Vettrianofan · 18/10/2023 20:18

Had a breakdown the other week in front of the family. Felt like I wasn't being listened to and just sobbed and sobbed. Couldn't stop. Felt better after it though.

TheSweetEndOfTheLollipop · 18/10/2023 20:34

Yes, I could have written this. I've also turned into a terrible driver, can't seem to judge distances at all just before my period. Scrape the side of the car in car parks type of thing.

The secretary at my car garage, who laughed a lot when I bought my car in and told her why, recommended some multivits. And fuck me, the last 6 weeks have been great, it's been completely revelatory. I'm still going to check in with gp and get my levels measured and talk through options, I'm 43 so early days.

This month my period took me by surprise as pmt was minimal. Never happened before. I'm curious to see what happens this month, if it was a one off or the vits. Here's a link in case anyone is interested

https://healthandher.com/perimenopause/health-her-perimenopause-food-supplement-60-caps/?gclid=Cj0KCQjwhL6pBhDjARIsAGx8D5_RMglipaNmHl8OwdwINapms_zpjxESu30HxeCPlIC2q2GSH3jEVkUaAlWYEALw_wcB

Health & Her Perimenopause Supplement 1 Month Supply

Perimenopause supplements contain vitamins and minerals to help relieve the symptoms of perimenopause. The natural ingredients in these all in one tablets can help alleviate stress, anxiety, low moods and sleeping problems which can occur in perimenopa...

https://healthandher.com/perimenopause/health-her-perimenopause-food-supplement-60-caps?gclid=Cj0KCQjwhL6pBhDjARIsAGx8D5_RMglipaNmHl8OwdwINapms_zpjxESu30HxeCPlIC2q2GSH3jEVkUaAlWYEALw_wcB

DeadButDelicious · 18/10/2023 20:43

I'm 41 and it's like my will to do anything other than sit on my arse has got up and gone. I'm irritable, I wasn't the most patient person at the best of times but now I've just got none at all, I've got no focus, getting going with things is hard work and the never ending litany of questions is working my last nerve.

I know what I need to do, eat better, drink more water, probably get on HRT or something etc etc but the will to do it is just not there. Everyday I wake up and think 'today, today is the day I sort my shit out' and I just don't do it.

Wanttobekind · 18/10/2023 20:47

Yup. Same here. But with a 3 yr old who doesn’t sleep and can’t drink so using chocolate as a substitute thus packing on weight as well.

Original poster

LaDamaDeElche · 19/10/2023 11:43

TheSweetEndOfTheLollipop · 18/10/2023 20:34

Yes, I could have written this. I've also turned into a terrible driver, can't seem to judge distances at all just before my period. Scrape the side of the car in car parks type of thing.

The secretary at my car garage, who laughed a lot when I bought my car in and told her why, recommended some multivits. And fuck me, the last 6 weeks have been great, it's been completely revelatory. I'm still going to check in with gp and get my levels measured and talk through options, I'm 43 so early days.

This month my period took me by surprise as pmt was minimal. Never happened before. I'm curious to see what happens this month, if it was a one off or the vits. Here's a link in case anyone is interested

https://healthandher.com/perimenopause/health-her-perimenopause-food-supplement-60-caps/?gclid=Cj0KCQjwhL6pBhDjARIsAGx8D5_RMglipaNmHl8OwdwINapms_zpjxESu30HxeCPlIC2q2GSH3jEVkUaAlWYEALw_wcB

Thanks for the recommendation 🙂

OP posts:

Original poster

LaDamaDeElche · 19/10/2023 11:44

doubleshotcappuccino · 18/10/2023 15:53

@LaDamaDeElche try the biolectra brand of magnesium- works a treat for me

Will do, thank you!

OP posts:

OpenedMyEyes · 19/10/2023 12:11

Found my people. Am going to save this thread and look at it whenever I feel I am losing it (often!). Giving up wine helps but doesn't solve all. HRT helps but doesn't solve all. Sharing helps. And also a bit of cold water swimming - it switches the world off for a bit, would highly recommend.

staryellow · 19/10/2023 12:20

I empathise, @spitefulandbadgrammar My dh is the exact same. Everything he does has to involve him describing what he's doing or asking me a question about it. Between him and dc I never get to finish a thought in my head. They're not profound thoughts or anything but I still want to finish them

spitefulandbadgrammar · 19/10/2023 12:29

@staryellow Yes! It’s my brain and it belongs to me! But when DP is around I often feel he’s outsourcing the boring thinking to me so his brain gets to daydream and wander.

Notcookie · 19/10/2023 12:41

BrownTableMat · 18/10/2023 13:04

I’m another one who’s had the joint pain. Arthritis-like pain in my hands and feet (actual arthritis in my big toes). Last year I had to stop knitting as it hurt my hands too much. After a year on HRT the pain in my hands has gone completely and I can now knit again, and my feet are a lot better. I’m 44.

I'm so interested in this. I have been having joint pains in my wrists and base of fingers, hips and ankles. How can you tell if its peri causing it or if its actually arthritis? Like rheumatoid arthritis.

I'm 45 but can't take HRT as had oestrogen positive breast cancer.

Fogwisp · 19/10/2023 12:43

Seas164 · 18/10/2023 09:33

Perimenopause hit me like an absolute train early 40s, I had no idea. I just wasn't expecting it to be like that. I thought I'd get a bit hot and bothered early fifties, but I had so many real and significant physical and mental changes, I was not prepared for it at all.
HRT (Mirena, patches, and testogel which was key) restored almost normal service though, and without being dramatic I sort of feel like it's saved my life, and changed things around fairly quickly. Maybe see a private clinic if you can, then transfer over to GP with letters and results etc, if you want to go that route.
You're not alone.

What's testogel? Can you get it on the nhs?

Losing your shit in your 40's

Interested in this thread?