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Original poster

Would you tell the school your child isn’t doing detention in this situation?

338 replies

beeonmybonnett · 10/10/2023 18:43

my DD is in Y13 and has got an after school detention due to being late to one of her subject classes two times in the same week. She was only a few minutes late on both occasions - no more than 5 minutes.

In normal circumstances, I would agree with the detention as she should not be being late, I know it happens occasionally as we can get held up at times, but there are no excuses for her being late twice in such a short period of time.

However, the reason I am annoyed at her getting this detention is because the teacher of the subject class she was late to, and is getting the detention as a result of it, is late to class quite often.

For example, DD tells me that the teacher is usually 5-10 minutes late every Monday afternoon when they have that class after lunch. So clearly the teacher has problems getting from the staff room to the classroom in time for the start of the lesson?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for my dd to be spoken to and warned about being late, but I find it absolutely pathetic that this teacher has recommend her head of year give her a detention when the teacher in question is guilty of the same thing - is it not a bit hypocritical?

Not sure why they think this teacher’s lunch break is more important than her a level class but if the student is late then it’s the end of the world.

I’m not sure on how to proceed with this one, but I genuinely feel like ringing the school and telling them to withdraw the detention unless they’re going to discipline the teacher for being late!

OP posts:
Startyabastard · 11/10/2023 16:56

'...a teacher who can’t be bothered to return from her lunch break on time'
That is insinuating laziness, OP.

Sherrystrull · 11/10/2023 17:25

Has the op said why her daughter was late?

Puffypuffin · 11/10/2023 17:30

'For example, DD tells me'

Righto ...

Your daughter should do the detention, obviously, and if the teacher really is 10 mins late every week (which I doubt) then that it a separate issue that should be discussed with the school.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General education Secondary education
Namechanged3200 · 11/10/2023 17:54

You are being V V V unreasonable.

AnneValentine · 11/10/2023 18:39

beeonmybonnett · 10/10/2023 18:51

Can you please explain to me by what you mean when you say they are two separate issues?

how? It’s not ok for a student to be late - so why is it ok for a teacher to be late on multiple occasions?

Show quote history

She’s in y13. Step out.

Puffypuffin · 11/10/2023 18:50

Of course they're two separate issues. Good grief.

capabilityfrowns · 11/10/2023 18:55

I agree with you op

Could your dd address this herself though by pointing out to the teacher that it's hypocritical to expect all students to be on time when she herself is late on a weekly basis ?

I think if you wade in at her age it would be embarrassing.

Sophie89j · 11/10/2023 19:36

Similar to when you have to wait god knows how long for a doctors appointment or what have you but if you’re late, they’ll flat out refuse to see you.

Horsemadlady1234 · 11/10/2023 19:56

I’m a secondary teacher and I’d almost swear by the fact that teacher is not enjoying a nice lunch break but sorting some other situation out. I know very very few teachers who actually don’t eat their lunch on the run.

Bovrilla · 11/10/2023 20:13

Ah the daily joy of heartburn from the sandwich shovelled in over the photocopier or typing an email one handed.

I don't miss that!

jellybeanathome · 11/10/2023 21:26

A few things:
1- why did you only find out about this teacher's lateness now? Now that your daughter has the detention? If she's that outraged at the teacher's lateness, surely she could have reported it before she got her detention?
2- you recently said in a post 'it needs reporting to the school, I want to know why'... I'm afraid it's not really your right to know why a teacher is regularly late. You can report it, by all means, but the school has zero obligation to tell you the reason. They can tell you: 'thanks - we'll look into it', and they might even tell you that the teacher's lateness will stop or carry on, but they (hopefully) won't tell you why, because it would be unprofessional of them to gossip with you about the reason.

Just for fun, here are some other reasons why the teacher might be late for your daughter to investigate (instead of doing her schoolwork) tomorrow:

  • she has a medical condition that requires her to need to use the toilet for a lot of her lunch so the school have agreed that she can take a little extra time on the days she he's post-16 because we'd presume they can be independent.
  • she's pumping milk for her child.
  • she has to sort cover work for a colleague each Monday and the photocopier just doesn't ever play ball so she needs a tiny bit of extra time to eat her lunch and do a wee.
  • she's having a torrid affair with the head of French and he has a free period after lunch on a Monday.
  • there isn't a microwave in the 6th form building so she has to go to the other side of the school to warm her lunch up. The 5 minute walk each way leaves her little time to eat, go to the loo, photocopy for her last lesson of the day which she has to go straight to after her 6th form lesson...
  • she runs a club in lunchtime and often gets caught short after she dismisses the club. She doesn't mean to, but she just finds herself needing the loo and thinking her 6th formers are lovely and respect her so they won't mind.
  • there is a group of hooligan year 8s who always hide on the field after lunch and, as their tutor, she is usually helpful in cajoling them out of the bushes and back to their lessons.

Look. You're not wrong. A teacher shouldn't be 10 mins late every week. That is a lot of learning time lost. I would mention it to the school if it continues, but it's not a reason for your daughter to not do the detention I'm afraid. The reason is this:
If the teacher is late (valid reason or not), the class can get on with prior learning / revision / homework etc until they arrive, especially independent 6th form students who should be working independently for big chunks of lessons anyway.
If the student is late and the teacher has done a section of delivery to the class, that student will have missed the teaching, so the teacher will have to offer 1:1, which could be better spent with a student who is struggling. Lateness generates more admin for teachers too.

Lineofbestfit · 11/10/2023 21:44

You sound way too involved here. You seem not to have grasped that life is unfair, and your daughter cannot navigate life if Everytime something mildly annoying like this happens, her mum is outraged and wants to phone her school/university/workplace… where does this end.
She’s 18 or will be soon, 10 minute detention won’t kill her, I’d leave it at that. You are not in the right here.

Coldcaller · 11/10/2023 21:45

The thing that gets me with threads like this and other school detention threads is the over reactions from parents. From the reaction of some parents you would think their child had been falsely arrested in Thailand for drug smuggling !
For goods sake a school is asking a pupil to sit in a room and study for 1 hour in quiet sometime between 3.30-4.30. They are not about to go into 24 hours questioning by the Thai Police.

Mrsmozza123 · 11/10/2023 21:49

@beeonmybonnett you came here looking for opinions but are shooting down anyone who disagrees with you. I’m not sure why you asked if your mind was made up.

your child shouldn’t be late and should learn that it’s unacceptable so that they can be prepared for the world of work.

agreed, the teacher shouldn’t be late but that doesn’t mean it’s excusable for anyone else to be late, including your daughter.

PeloFan91 · 11/10/2023 22:03

It is more than possible that teacher has duty and has to supervise students getting inside. It’s definitely not ideal but if others have younger classes to supervise I can see how the teacher with an A level class could be the one left out until last. Or they could be duty lead and be last in for that reason.

Sometimes it’s unavoidable and the teacher may well have raised it as an issue but the duty rota can’t be changed. Unfortunately that’s the reality of understaffed schools.

Mumto2kids86 · 11/10/2023 22:27

“Do as I say not as I do”. Her teachers punctuality is a seperate issue you should take up with the school if you feel the need to.

Your daughter was late, twice. Well deserved detention and she should know better at 16/17.

TheCompactPussycat · 11/10/2023 22:36

"Do as I say, not as I do" is a phrase generally used by people to accept that their behaviour is somewhat lacking and less satisfactory than that they are expecting from someone else. That they are holding someone to higher standards than they hold themselves.

It really isn't a phrase teachers want to use to defend why they follow different rules.

00100001 · 11/10/2023 22:42

beeonmybonnett · 10/10/2023 20:01

Jeez, I thought I was being fair with that approach! I can’t win!

It needs to be mentioned to the school that this teacher is late all the time , I want to know why.

Show quote history

What the fuck has the reason for to do with you?

Highlight the issue that your daughter is reporting that Teacher is often late and you're concerned.

But the reasons are absolutely nothing to do with you.

friendlycat · 11/10/2023 22:54

Coldcaller · 11/10/2023 21:45

The thing that gets me with threads like this and other school detention threads is the over reactions from parents. From the reaction of some parents you would think their child had been falsely arrested in Thailand for drug smuggling !
For goods sake a school is asking a pupil to sit in a room and study for 1 hour in quiet sometime between 3.30-4.30. They are not about to go into 24 hours questioning by the Thai Police.

Great comment. Shame that everyone doesn’t think the same!

ProfSleepzz · 11/10/2023 23:05

LadybirdLover · 10/10/2023 18:46

Two wrongs don’t make a right. The teacher’s punctuality has absolutely nothing to do with your daughter’s. They’re two separate issues.

This. And, how do you actually know the teacher is late apart from your child says they are?! NRTFT but still.

Icantthinkofausername123 · 11/10/2023 23:18

I've not read all the messages so this might have been already answered but surely your daughter was later than the teacher in order to be 'caught' twice. If the teacher is regularly ten minutes late then she's really late. Regardless of what the teachers doing, being accostomed to bring on time is a really good life skill which will be valued in the future and something she should be aiming to practice... Regardless of whether the teacher is late

Mememe9898 · 11/10/2023 23:22

I hope this is private school. You sound incredibly entitled! Your daughter needs to follow the rules. If this teacher is always late then she might have other duties holding her up. I’d find that our first before throwing accusations.
I understand why teachers quit the profession in droves having to deal with annoying parents 😅

EliflurtleTripanInfinite · 11/10/2023 23:38

Given how serious you are saying this issue of teachers lateness is surely you have already raised this with the school? Or is it suddenly only important now DDs in trouble? They are separate issues. DD sits her detention and you speak to the school about the teacher being late and your concerns around this. I would also talk to my DD and tell her the teacher being late doesn't justify her not turning up to class on time. Two wrongs don't make a right and when she's out in the work force her boss isn't going to think it's okay for her to be late if they are.

There's a lot of hypocrisy in the world, she's going to encounter that soon if she hasn't already. None of that makes it okay to do the wrong thing or makes doing the right thing less important. DD only has control over her own behaviour, she needs to own her actions in life and take responsibility for them. You need to show her that you can respond to someone else doing the wrong thing in the right way. That's things like making a complaint, asking for change, asking for them to look into it and see if there's some way to fix the issue, asking to discuss the issue, escalating the complaint if no action is taken and so on. There's a right way to address this and it doesn't involve you letting your DD avoid the consequences of her actions.

caringcarer · 11/10/2023 23:55

Separate issues. Your DD would only have a reason to complain if the teacher of her previous class held her back for some reason making her late for the next lesson.

caringcarer · 11/10/2023 23:59

OP you sound so pretty. Just accept your DD was late twice in a week with no valid excuse.