Son ran out of money

[Whattodonowadays]

My son is 18 and lives away from home in accommodation provided by work. He’s terrible with budgeting, I’ve tried and tried with him. He has spent all his money with ages to go until payday. I am actually sick of bailing him out all the time but can’t see him starve obviously. Any ideas for cheap meals so I can drop off some shopping. Like ration type! He needs to lean to manage his money! Thanks.

He's 18. He's just child really

Stock him up with a few cheap pizzas , pasta and sauce , bread beans and cheese

It's every month and she's sick of bailing him out! Where's his kindness in not expecting another adult to feed him when he has a job? He needs to learn to budget and he won't bother doing that if he's selfish and has other options, like scrounging off someone else.

He's 18, an adult, he's chosen to move out of the family home (a good thing), he has a job with accommodation provided.

There's no reason he can't manage his finances so wages last a month, unless perhaps he has special needs and can't manage that aspect of life, but I'm sure OP would have said if that was the case and she probably wouldn't be quite so annoyed with him.

It's just easier for him not to bother budgeting, which by its very nature means denying yourself some of what you want, then bleat "starving" to his mum when he runs low to manipulate her into handing over more money. It's shitty behaviour and shows zero consideration for his mum's circumstances. Why should anyone have sympathy with that?

It doesn't really matter what's 'appealing' though. He can have whatever's cheapest so he doesn't starve. Some people in the world literally have nothing.

https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/banking/budget-planning/

Point him here and make it clear you can't keep doing it and set a date when you won't.

I'd get pasta, tinned veg/ frozen even better - rice noodles - sliced bread can be frozen - tinned baked beans - big bag of potatoes if possible.

There are budget meal suggestions in a lot of places.

https://realfood.tesco.com/budget-meals.html

https://www.asda.com/good-living/article/cheap-budget-meals-under-one-pound

https://www.jamieoliver.com/recipes/category/course/cheap-cheerful/

But second hand NOSH for One - Unique Meals, Just for You - book might be useful.

Don’t bail him out or buy him food. He needs to learn

You can get apps or books like : https://www.amazon.co.uk/Boxclever-Press-Planner-finances-Feature-Packed/dp/B081B56S66/ref=sr_1_4?crid=2EBBDUQDRDGFE&keywords=budgeting%2Bhelp&qid=1696933782&s=books&sprefix=bugeting%2Bhelp%2Cstripbooks%2C156&sr=1-4&th=1

But they require them to use them - and that does mean engaging with the whole processes of budgeting.

It's a difficult balance. No one wants to be a hard as nails parents but at the same time, always bailing your DC out (whatever their age) and always providing a back-up is not helpful for anyone.

OP needs to have a serious chat with her son about where his money is going, why he can't manage it. I would say to him - what is the problem? why are you over-spending? can I help you work within your budget? I'll buy you £50 worth of food this month but this is the last time I'm afraid. Unless you can explain to me why there's a shortfall.

My DS has just gone to Uni and it is a shock to him regarding how much food and everything costs. I don't think we've mollycoddled him, it's just not been necessary for him to budget before and he doesn't know how to do it. But I expect him to learn pretty quickly.

He's running out of money because he knows you'll bail him out. Stop bailing him out, and he'll learn. It's the only way he will.

Also- I don't get saying "I had I hard when I was 18- so my kids are going to have it hard too" Rather than "I had it hard when I was 18- thank fuck I can make life easier for my kids!"

I used to eat Weetabix for most meals towards the end of a term at uni when money was tight.

I don’t understand why fully grown adults have to be babied so much these days. ‘He’s only 18’ - like WTF, he can drive, vote, smoke, drink, marry, go to war… but budgeting is somehow beyond him?

Completely agree.

Making it easy doesn't help in the long run. Not saying make it hard but make them face facts.

Mine is pretty good budget and food wise - she can cook for a start - but she is struggling to balance things at Uni as her grant covers half her accom - we cover the other half and 200 a month. She needs to work. But she only got a job starting this week and she has been there a month. She did have a small pay check from her job at home, a small amount of savings and a lump from her child trust fund. But she knows she is going to need some of that longer term. So she is working 1.6 days a week for now we will see if that fits around college which is heavily attendance based not a 3hrs lectures and the rest self directed, she is buying her own food - but for e.g. week one spent 60 quid and was horrified, but she had some household things in there rather than just food. It takes time to learn what you will eat, how much effort you can put into cooking and so on. I would honestly suggest he gives you food money and you send it back (on a student/parent card is a good idea although Asda might be best). Teach him how to do a click and collect to stick to budget. Show him how to meal plan with limited ingredients so using things for two days - like mince for shep pie, add some herbs and tommies for bolognaise etc or Chili. How to sub lentils for meat or use chick peas.

She was horrified when she needed new glasses and sorted glasses direct, she also needs a new passport and has left it a bit late so is going to end up paying 155 but its all life lessons.

Its not that it is beyond him, its just they are still learning, same as accident rates in 18 yr olds are sky high compared to 30 yr olds

Isn't it the job of parents/caters to support DC through this learning curve? I left home at 19 and had no idea how to budget or what to expect. No support from DP at all ever and had to sell everything I owned. This is not the initiation into adult life I would want for my DC or the relationship I would want either.

When mine went to uni they learned that if you don't manage your money properly, you'll have to get used to living on cheap bread and value cornflakes.

I was an emphatic ear when they called, but nothing else. They're smart so learned pretty quickly, only a fool repeats their mistakes.

Because it accelerates the learning curve. If the OPs son continues to get bailed out, they'll never learn. It's partly why there are so many references to "man child" on MN!! Plenty of posters have suggesting "supporting" him to mean a small amount on a store/gift card or a small delivery of the basics. Hopefully all parents would do that when their child is in a desperate situation. Transferring over a couple of hundred quid (which they'd probably waste) isn't supporting them, it's facilitating their continued poor choices that does no good in the long run!

I have enjoyed a life of being in control of money, saving, budgeting, investing etc., BECAUSE I had no choice but to be careful and frugal with money. It's made me a better person. Money management is a basic life skill, but sadly one that far too many people never grasp, which only seems worse these days with the instant gratification generation.

@RB68

Making it easy doesn't help in the long run. Not saying make it hard but make them face facts.

Well said, nail on the head. I'd never see our DS in trouble, but I'm not going to constantly bail him out for silly mistakes, whether financial nor otherwise. Luckily, he's got a good head on his shoulders and is pretty well independent, and more importantly, he listens to us and takes our advice on board most of the time. When he got his first credit card a few weeks ago, it came with a stupidly high (for a first timer) credit limit of £3.5k - I suggested he go online and reduce it to a lot lower - I said so someone couldn't run up a big bill if they stole or cloned it, but really meant so he couldn't go mad with it. In my mind, I though maybe £1.5k to £2k, but he actually suggested £1k as he couldn't see why he'd need more than that - it's one of those where he can't change it online again for a year, so that's baked in now for his first year. I also "suggested" he set up a direct debit to pay it off in full every month so he can't build up debt and incur interest, which again, he agreed and did it! That's what "support" means - helping them make sensible decisions, NOT being bank of Mum and Dad to bail them out when they screw up!

Can you suggest to him that he gives you his food budget for the month when he gets paid and you feed it back to him? Or go shopping with him (using his money) as soon as he's paid for a big cupboard/freezer staple food shop so he doesn't run out of basics.

How much wiggle room is there in his budget? It's hard to know if he's going through vast amounts of cash or just struggling on a very tight (apprenticeship?) budget.

I'd give him (all budget range):
cereal
Milk
Packet of biscuits
A few tins of fruit
Loaf of bread
Packet of cheese
Pasta
Tinned tomatoes
Tin(s) of baked beans and spaghetti hoops
Tin(s) of tuna
Frozen peas
Frozen green beans
Peanut butter
eggs

Beans on toast, bags of pasta, weetabix for breakfast

done

Cheerupmaggi we're basically having value food for tea tonight, it'll be tasty and filling - pasta with homemade tomato sauce containing onions, kidney beans and chilli - oh, we do have some peppers which I will add. It's all made out of value/shops own products.

Because having it hard was great for my development, I’m still feeling the benefits now. You’re not doing young people any favours by separating actions from responsibility, and there is nothing attractive about an 18 year old infant.

A bag or two of frozen mixed veg, bag of dinner carbs (potatoes/rice/pasta), a protein (sausages/chicken/eggs), a loaf of bread and something to go on it for lunch (beans/soup) and maybe oats/uht milk for breakfast.

This isn't the first time but hopefully it will be the last. Read the OP again to all those saying bail him. He spends all of his money way before pay day. She has bailed him loads, he isn't learning because he knows she will bail him out.

Op needs to make it more difficult for him and tell him this is the last time and providing food rather than money. My friend had a son like this, tried to help him budget his money, showed him from his bank statements how many times he had bought a pizza after going to the pub. In the end she refused to give him money. She would feed him but that was it.

@CurlewKate he has a roof over his head, he is earning money. I used to look at people's income and expenditure forms as part of my job. I would love to know that this chap has spent his money on.

I suspect that wouldn’t be so appealing for an 18 year old.

The perfect selection then, for teaching him that food and bills come before fun when dealing with money.

I am assuming that he is earning enough / has access to a sufficient amount of money.
I am also assuming that he you did indeed repeatedly try to help him budget and that he should be capable of budgeting (doesn´t have a disability or MH struggles that are relevant in this context). IF these assumptions are correct:

Buy him the cheapest food available. Few sacks of rice. Potatoes. Cans of beans. Oats for porridge. nutritional deficiencies shouldn´t be an issue if this is temporary.

I would NOT get him eggs, meat, cheese, fish fingers, milk, cereal or fruit.