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Son ran out of money

106 replies

Whattodonowadays · 09/10/2023 20:58

My son is 18 and lives away from home in accommodation provided by work. He’s terrible with budgeting, I’ve tried and tried with him. He has spent all his money with ages to go until payday. I am actually sick of bailing him out all the time but can’t see him starve obviously. Any ideas for cheap meals so I can drop off some shopping. Like ration type! He needs to lean to manage his money! Thanks.

OP posts:
Acornsoup · 10/10/2023 08:20

I'm assuming he's new at this game and it can be difficult to get used too. I would get a shop delivered to him (so you know it's not blown on non food items) so that he has enough to get him through to next pay day. Then a discussion about how he will manage going forward. A loan is setting him up to fail next month. Make it clear you can't continue to do this for him.

junebirthdaygirl · 10/10/2023 08:22

If he was in college you would be supporting him much more. He is only starting out. Sending him food is a good plan .He will get there. I may be wrong but l think ..in the army..they get budgeting training alongside all the other training at some stage

Roselilly36 · 10/10/2023 08:24

Yes this sounds familiar 😂

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Alighttouchonthetiller · 10/10/2023 08:32

PyongyangKipperbang · 10/10/2023 00:23

And before anyone says it, no food in the army isnt free it is under the "pay as you dine" scheme.

I really did not know this! Every day is a school day.

gotomomo · 10/10/2023 08:38

I'd go to asda and buy yellow labelled own brand products eg rice, pasta, chopped tomatoes, onions, carrots, canned beans, pot of mixed herbs, some milk, cheap cereal, bread, spread, jam... he won't starve but teach him you can't have steak if you don't budget!

gotomomo · 10/10/2023 08:42

@PyongyangKipperbang

My dd has her mess bill deducted from her next pay though this includes her bar billGrin

She only pays £60 a month for her room so she is fine financially

MyCircumference · 10/10/2023 08:45

teach him how to budget
buy him a decent student cook book,NOSH
tell him to take his pay and divide it into 4
write down his expenditure.
buy him a tesco voucher - as a one off
money for food,
rather than take aways

FlatWhiteExtraHot · 10/10/2023 09:14

Minimum wage for an 18 year old is £7.50 an hour. I’d love to see all the 6-figure earners on here try and manage on that. If he’s got a job with accommodation, no doubt he will be being charged for that too. Also, no one knows what, if any cooking facilities he has or whether he has to eat in a canteen.

There are some seriously unpleasant people on here who seem to think that a young adult should be living a shit life. Why? He is working for his money so why shouldn’t he enjoy some of it? It’s ok for MC students to go out on the piss, but a WC lad has to live in austerity?

OP it’s difficult for kids when they first start bringing home a pay packet. The tendency to spend it all in the first week is a hard one to break. There’s plenty of adults do it too if the “omg I’m £1000s in debt” threads on here are anything to go by. Try showing him how to break down his wages in to weekly ‘pocket money'. After his direct debits have gone out he needs to divide what’s left by four and either draw it out in cash or mentally allow himself that much and no more.

MozzaSticksAndMarinara · 10/10/2023 09:26

I've always found it a bit shortsighted when people put so much emphasis on being independent at 18.

I lived rent-free at my mum's place until I was 27. My meals were provided and I received a living allowance all through uni and through my first 3 years of work. This enabled me to save as much as I can and purchase a house for myself aged 28. Now I'm in my early 30s. Many of my peers are still renting, and with the rent hikes, are struggling and see a future where they are able to own a place of their own. This has even influenced their career negatively as many err on the side of caution due to them having to live paycheque to paycheque.

I'm no less independent than them now and have in fact lived a year abroad at this stage. Was their parents cutting the apron strings so early worth it? Many of them have now vowed not to do the same to their children.

beatrix1234 · 10/10/2023 09:27

It all depends OP, if your 18 yr old gets paid 3000 a month (and accommodation is included) I can understand your anger, but if he’s paid 1000 then I totally understand why he runs out of money. Maybe instead of offering food shopping you should encourage him to get a better job. Poor lad is 18, c’mon!

nanodyne · 10/10/2023 09:30

Beat the Budget on Instagram (I think she also has a cook book and meal planning subscription thing) is great for planning a week of meals for about £20 by batch cooking. They're usually tasty and genuinely quite quick and easy, sort've like student food but less gross.

FOJN · 10/10/2023 09:39

Exactly! What a load of awful people. One day they will be vulnerable too and in need of support - let’s hope they receive a bit more kindness than they are suggesting OP doles out!

OP says she has tried very hard to help him with budgeting and is sick of bailing him out. It's not kind to continue enabling someone to be irresponsible with money.

If gentler methods have failed then perhaps some tough love will shorten the lesson and spare him pain in the longer term.

I left home at 17, there was no one to bail me out, you learn to prioritise food and housing pdq when there is no safety net.

MermaidMummy06 · 10/10/2023 09:42

As hard as it is, stop bailing him out. Make him pay it back. And no more help until it's paid back.

My friend's DH is 40 and a high earner but still wastes all their money frivolously because mummy will bail them out. They actually think this is normal. I've learned the voluntary dependence doesn't end unless they are forced to look after themselves.

1month · 10/10/2023 09:46

It is so difficult to budget when you’ve never really needed to before.

But he needs to learn asap!

I assume you’ve spoken to him about paying his bills on payday and then dividing the rest of the money by 4, so it can last him the month.

Pasta is such a cheap and filling meal and it doesn’t go off.
Potatoes are really good for you and filling too but these go off.

I’d probably buy him a big bag of pasta and a couple of jars of cheap pasta sauce.
A bag of potatoes, some cheap tins of beans and cheese.
Then a big box of cheap bran flakes or Cheerios and milk.

I would 100% help him out but he does need to learn to budget, as he could get in serious debt when he’s older (especially if he’s not used to paying rent) and if anything happens to you you don’t be able to bail him out.

CurlewKate · 10/10/2023 10:00

He's 18-presumably away from home for the first time! Mumsnet is really weird. Children are beyond cosseted until they're 18 then out of the nest expected to manage completely alone from their 18 birthday onwards.

Give the poor kid a break.

Nospecialcharactersplease · 10/10/2023 10:04

Twiglets1 · 09/10/2023 21:10

Aw he’s only 18.

Tbh I would still be giving mine a lot of support at that age.

Teaching him to budget when he’s persistently shit at it is support.

Besides, she’s not letting him starve.

Dibbydoos · 10/10/2023 10:09

Ramen noodles, rice, frozen veg - carrots, peas, diced onions, sweetcorn, egg, bread, potatoes, baked beans, cheese. Hoping he has staples like butter, salt and pepper.

Noodles is easy just throw in what he wants including an egg.
Cheesy beans on toast is yummy.
Baked potatoes and beans/cheese.
Cook more rice than needed, make one meal with veg and a sauce. Keep left over rice in fridge and fry some onions, add lightly whisked egg, add rice. Add frozen veg. When everything is steaming hot, serve. If he has soy, he can add that during frying. If not it'll be fine with salt and pepper in the egg.

I personally wouldn't buy any meat products. Keep his food basic, unless he is on a pittance. If he is I'd lighten up a bit...

Nospecialcharactersplease · 10/10/2023 10:23

I don’t understand why fully grown adults have to be babied so much these days. ‘He’s only 18’ - like WTF, he can drive, vote, smoke, drink, marry, go to war… but budgeting is somehow beyond him?

I left home at 16. I earned £3.25 a hour as a waitress working around my college hours. Paid rent, bills, food, bus fares. There was NO safety net, none. No parents to tap up for ‘whoopsie’ cash. No loans or overdrafts as I was too young. No universal credit to feather my nest. Just the tiny bit of money each Friday that I earned through my own graft. I budgeted just fine, because when the stakes are that high budgeting is actually really bloody easy.

My life as a young person was hard but it was still full of fun and personal development. I went to university and found it a piece of piss, academically and socially. It was like being in a giant boarding school with people throwing money I didn’t need at me. When I saw other freshers struggling to use a washing machine or pay a bill I cringed for them.

OP, let your son fall on his arse. He will get himself back up, and when he does he’ll have more self respect and be more careful not to fall over again.

MyCircumference · 10/10/2023 10:34

many students leave home for university and have to learn to be self sufficient, manage on a budget, not all are bailed out by their parents.

Glovesandscarf · 10/10/2023 10:36

Oaktree1233 · 09/10/2023 21:16

He can live very cheaply on a veg diet.

Oil, lentils, onions coconut milk cumin coriander and garam masala is a Dahl
onions, tomatoes, peas and cauliflower plus above spices is a curry
Tinned tomatoes and garlic, oil plus pasta is another meal
pepper, aubergine, courgette and oil plus breadcrumbs and cheddar cheese is a roasted veg bake with some chilli and Italian spices

Also the everywhere veg chilli - tinned tomatoes, onions cumin, chilli, chilli beans, one pepper and sweetcorn plus some rice.

Each meal could feed 3/4 people so he needs to bulk cook and freeze.

and so on

And this has the advantage that he won’t need to spend any money on heating! 💨

Quitelikeit · 10/10/2023 10:38

Drop him off some noodles/pack of bacon/butter/bread and tin of beans.

Then never bother replying to requests for money.

Could he be buying drugs?

user1497207191 · 10/10/2023 10:44

Tell him to get a modern online bank account, like Monzo, which will tell him where he's spending is money and how many days he can last on average spending until his money runs out.

Did the OPs son not have a prepaid card/fingerprint account at school for snacks and school dinners? That's how our son learned to budget. Right from the age of 11, he was planning how he could spend his weekly allowance so that some days he could eat frugally and others he could splash out, i.e. the most basic of budgeting. He knew he couldn't have a breakfast bun when he got there AND a mid morning snack/drink, AND a 2/3 course lunch, so he had to plan, or he'd end up hungry on Friday!

It's not rocket science.

Constantly bailing them out doesn't help them in the long run. Next thing, the OPs son will be applying for a credit card and starting to run up debt, etc. Young people need to learn to live within their means and that means making hard choices and planning, and leaving behind the childish "instant gratification" of wanting everything now!

user1497207191 · 10/10/2023 10:52

@Nospecialcharactersplease

I left home at 16. I earned £3.25 a hour as a waitress working around my college hours. Paid rent, bills, food, bus fares. There was NO safety net, none. No parents to tap up for ‘whoopsie’ cash. No loans or overdrafts as I was too young. No universal credit to feather my nest. Just the tiny bit of money each Friday that I earned through my own graft. I budgeted just fine, because when the stakes are that high budgeting is actually really bloody easy.

Similar here. Except it must have been further back because my weekly pay was a whopping £32 per week (the NIC threshold at that time), so less than a pound per hour (1983).

At first I lived at home and gave half my wage to my Mum for board and lodgings, but I had to find money for bus fares, lunches, clothes, going out, records, etc. Each Friday, I had £16 in my pocket to last me until the following Friday. Every penny counted! If I went out socialising, I knew I'd have no money for a record or clothes that weekend, and before I'd go out, I'd put aside the cash for bus fares and lunches for the week, so I knew what I had to spend and I had to ration what kinds of drinks I'd buy!

I was also doing part time studying for professional qualifications which I had to pay for myself (as was the norm in those days). That was always the killer, trying to save to buy study books and exam fees, but I managed to borrow most books from the library (I think you could order them in for a small charge). There were no student loans etc back then! I also had to factor in the train fares for travelling to the exam hall in a nearby city.

When you don't have someone bailing you out, you very quickly learn the true value of money and how to budget! It's not cruelty how some previous posters seem to think, it's a lesson in real life. I'll always be there to support our son, but he's standing on his own two feet - he started his first job after graduation a few weeks ago, different city, 2/3 hours away, but he's coping remarkably well, not needed any help so far (other than facetime calls), managing his money very well, even telling us how much he saved in Tesco at the weekend by using his newly applied for Tesco Clubcard and bragging at how many Nectar points he's build up by buying most things for his flat from Argos!! He's done his budget, and even a cash flow forecast, showing all his flat bills going out, i.e. rent, rates, power, insurance, road tax, TV, etc., and he even downloaded a free payroll program to see what his monthly wages will be for the first few months after deductions for tax, nic, pension, etc., so he knows what's coming in, and what's going out, so the difference is his "spending" money for food, clothes, going out, petrol, etc - it's hard as his rent is soooo high (half his wage), but it's doable and he's keeping on top of it all. Not bad really, but then again, we've talked to him throughout his teenage years about money management, planning, etc., so it's really what we expected, and he sailed through Uni without regular handouts from us, just his student loan and a part time job!

Lottie4 · 10/10/2023 10:59

Obviously depends what he needs, but I'd get him cereal, milk, bread, eggs or cheese if you can afford, baked beans, rice, pasta, a couple of cans of cheap tomatoes, couple of onions, (you don't need to buy) but a small pot of herbs or chilli from home so he can add to a homemade tomato sauce to go with the rice and pasta, a can of kidney beans and chickpeas. That will cover breakfast, sandwiches or beans on toast at lunch and something for tea. Obviously just buy shops own brands. If you have more in your budget, then a pack of fruit on offer.

If ever he's in this situation and you can't travel, then a minimal amount on a gift card for a supermarket close by.

nozbottheblue · 10/10/2023 11:14

Big bag of pasta and jars of pesto.

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