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Original poster

I’m a grown woman but scared of being home alone!!

91 replies

Rach224 · 09/10/2023 18:05

This may (or may not) sound absolutely pathetic. I completely appreciate the inevitable ‘get a grip’ comments that will most likely arise on this thread!!

DP is going away tomorrow so it’s just me and the kids (both under 3yo). He has only travelled once without me but didn’t affect me as that was years ago when we both still lived with parents.

This is the first time that he is leaving me on my own in the flat (of course I have the kids but they are only little!).

For some reason I’ve been feeling terribly nervous and anxious all day. I have suddenly thought about all the people (my lovely elderly grandma included) that live alone and wonder if they ever get scared. I will most likely be fine during the day time, it’s the evenings when the kids are asleep and I have to switch everything off and go to bed that scares me! I literally feel like I won’t sleep all week?!

Yeah I do need to get a grip, even typing this out makes me cringe at myself. Why am I such an anxious disaster at times?!

OP posts:
Beezknees · 09/10/2023 18:24

You'll be fine. I've lived alone with a baby since I was 18. It wouldn't really occur to me to be scared! Just make sure everything is locked, I never leave my door unlocked.

Nonplusultra · 09/10/2023 18:26

I felt the same the first time. I think it’s very natural. You’ll be fine - pretending that you are will help keep the nerves at bay, and will be better for your little ones.

MartyFunkhouser · 09/10/2023 18:33

The fact you know it’s irrational and that you know to get a grip is a good thing.

Now you need to focus on that and not let anxiety take a foothold. It’s particularly important that you don’t let the kids see your fears.

Fwiw, my husband’s working overseas this week, and I’ll be really alone as the youngest is at uni and the eldest has moved out. I have a dog, but he’s deaf so wouldn’t hear an axe murderer break in. Not that they’d need to break in as I have all of the upstairs windows wide open and rarely remember to lock the patio doors.

I’m being flippant because it will be fine, and you know it will.

RaininSummer · 09/10/2023 18:33

If you have a burglar alarm, set it at night for peace of mind.

Nattalie18 · 09/10/2023 18:43

I am the same OP. If my husband is away I have to repeatedly check locked doors sleep with the lights on etc. I know it’s pathetic but I can’t help it, it’s exhausting!

Tighginn · 09/10/2023 18:44

Get a grip.

truptantripping · 09/10/2023 18:45

Tighginn · 09/10/2023 18:44

Get a grip.

Kindly, this !

Honestly it's ok and you will be fine.

When he comes back you probably will find him in the way !

HamBone · 09/10/2023 18:46

Think of something that you’d like to watch or read that you enjoy, but your DH doesn’t. I love being left in peace to enjoy a good mystery, for example (DH doesn’t like them much), it feels like a treat.

Thebigblueballoon · 09/10/2023 18:49

I also don’t like sleeping alone when my partner has to go away. Not to the extent you’re describing, but I feel slightly uneasy.
I find it useful to fill the silence by listening to podcasts or relaxing YouTube videos when I go to sleep. Put them on low in the background and see if they help you relax.

Thechocolateshop · 09/10/2023 18:52

I’m the same OP. I live in a flat so can hear noise when neighbours come and go, it panics me a bit inside. I also can’t sleep properly if my husband is out at night. I never ever used to be like this. It’s so strange but you aren’t alone.

MartyFunkhouser · 09/10/2023 18:55

Would your husband be frightened if you went away? No.

I’ll admit I find it daft that some women get like this (and I have a friend that has to have her dad stay when her husband’s away 😂). I imagine they’re all married to big burly cave man types who would immediately bravely accost any intruder. In reality, most would cower upstairs and phone the police!

HamBone · 09/10/2023 18:58

Thechocolateshop · 09/10/2023 18:52

I’m the same OP. I live in a flat so can hear noise when neighbours come and go, it panics me a bit inside. I also can’t sleep properly if my husband is out at night. I never ever used to be like this. It’s so strange but you aren’t alone.

@Thechocolateshop We live in a terrace so I can also hear my neighbors. I feel the opposite to you though, I find it comforting knowing that other people are just a wall away!

We’re all friendly so that makes a difference as I know they’re nice.

MidnightOnceMore · 09/10/2023 18:59

It's a natural human instinct/feeling, we evolved in tribes.

But you'll be fine.

The secret I think is to accept the feeling as natural but not to accept that it actually means you're in danger. A bit like when you're at the top of a high tower - it is scary for good instinctive reasons, but you are safe because the building is sound.

"Get a grip" is a twatty response.

Hatty65 · 09/10/2023 19:08

I love being alone and always have done. When the DC were young DH worked away from home all week and I treasured my peaceful evenings.

DH went away (to inlaws) for a few days the other week whilst I stayed home because I was working and couldn't get the time off. We've only one young adult at home now and he was on his way out one night and intending on staying with GF for the night when he suddenly stuck his head round the living room door and asked 'Will you be alright on your own?'

It made me laugh, and I reassured him that I would be fine. It wouldn't occur to me to be scared.

Lock the door and enjoy the peace!

Hmmmbetterchangethis · 09/10/2023 19:11

How do you think that people who actually live alone cope?
what are you scared of, exactly?

diamondgreen · 09/10/2023 19:12

You’ll be ok! I understand the feeling but promise you’ll be fine. X

MrsDanversChickenSandwich · 09/10/2023 19:15

Look on this as a good thing. Nothing will go wrong, you'll gain some confidence, and next time you'll be less apprehensive.

Have you never spent a night alone? You've always either been with your parents or with your husband? I know life often works out like that for people, that they go straight from living with mum and dad to living with their boyfriend who they go on to marry.

I shared flats with friends, and had my own flat for a decade so I can't quite imagine being nervous of being left alone overnight. We're all different!

Celibacyinthesticks · 09/10/2023 19:17

Thechocolateshop · 09/10/2023 18:52

I’m the same OP. I live in a flat so can hear noise when neighbours come and go, it panics me a bit inside. I also can’t sleep properly if my husband is out at night. I never ever used to be like this. It’s so strange but you aren’t alone.

This would make me feel safer, hearing people going about their lives, when I’m home alone I’m properly alone and my house backs onto the woods just to add to the Blair Witch effect.

elm26 · 09/10/2023 19:28

I used to be like this, then DH had to do a whole week away for business. I decided to change my anxious thoughts to "I'll have a whole week to binge watch "kardashians, love island and all the other trashy shows I secretly love and he hates". I booked the week off of work, only left the house to walk the dog for a couple of hours and spent the rest of the time in my pjs, eating chocolate, couple glasses of wine in the evening then went to bed and read on my kindle. This was before DD came along so appreciate that you are on Mum duty now! If your little ones sleep well or go down early in the evening, use this as an opportunity for some time for you. I loved it and that whole week changed my perspective. He's done three nights away since DD was born and we've been fine, she goes to bed at 7 and gets up at 7 so I had a lot of time in between to have a bubble bath and watch tv.

I just lock the doors and I can hear my neighbours around me which makes me feel safer anyway! You've got this! X

elm26 · 09/10/2023 19:28

Oh no @Celibacyinthesticks I wouldn't like that 😂 the scaredy cat in me would go feral.

MintJulia · 09/10/2023 19:29

It isn't unreasonable. It's a new experience.

My df died when my dm was 69. She owned up that she had never spent a night alone in a house. She gone from her parents house to a woman's hostel during the war, to her married home. She was nervous too.

She soon got over it, and even started to revel in being able to slob about in her pjs with a face pack on. 😁

Growuppeople · 09/10/2023 19:31

What you scared of? I can’t wait till the kids go to bed and I turn all the lights off but then again it’s always just been me

LondonLovie · 09/10/2023 19:31

It sounds like you have anxiety around this. It's good you have noticed it. Might be worth getting some support, I had anxiety around leaving the house after a road traffic accident, and although I did have to get on with my life, the feeling and implications for my family ultimately made me get some counselling. It's been transformative,

Desecratedcoconut · 09/10/2023 19:31

It's just unfamiliar, you'd get use to it if you needed to.

SleepingStandingUp · 09/10/2023 19:33

I'd try and break down WHAT scares you?

Not locking up properly?
Not turning something off properly?
The scene of every ghost movie you've ever seen?

Lock up as soon as you're in so it isn't a big thing to do at bedtime. Double check anything that has to be off. Be mindful what you watch after the kids are settled. Maybe sort it so you can listen to music quietly in your room all night so you'll hear the kids but won't have silence?

Something happening with the kids?

Work out who you'd call in an emergency. You won't need it but knowing X knows you'll call if you need help and they'll come will help