I’m a grown woman but scared of being home alone!!

[Rach224]

This may (or may not) sound absolutely pathetic. I completely appreciate the inevitable ‘get a grip’ comments that will most likely arise on this thread!!

DP is going away tomorrow so it’s just me and the kids (both under 3yo). He has only travelled once without me but didn’t affect me as that was years ago when we both still lived with parents.

This is the first time that he is leaving me on my own in the flat (of course I have the kids but they are only little!).

For some reason I’ve been feeling terribly nervous and anxious all day. I have suddenly thought about all the people (my lovely elderly grandma included) that live alone and wonder if they ever get scared. I will most likely be fine during the day time, it’s the evenings when the kids are asleep and I have to switch everything off and go to bed that scares me! I literally feel like I won’t sleep all week?!

Yeah I do need to get a grip, even typing this out makes me cringe at myself. Why am I such an anxious disaster at times?!

Natural to feel apprehensive, when it’s something new. You will be safe, you are in your home.

My first thought was, don't switch everything off. Leave a light on somewhere if it helps. DH has always worked nights. I like being alone. It's just what you're used to.

I used to feel like this, I lived alone with my baby before I met DH and after I split up with partner and I used to get really scared.

Things that helped -

Try to find something bingeworthy and not scary to watch, something really wholesome like BBC Celebrity race across the world.

Don’t make the mistake of going to bed early just to get the night over with faster because you’ll likely end up waking up again at midnight and lie awake and scared.

Do you like reading? Line up a non scary page turner to read that you can pick up if you wake scared in the night.

And post on here for support if you’re scared while he’s away, there’s always someone around even at 3am!

What used to help me when I was scared and it was dark and quiet outside and feeling like I was the only one awake was thinking about all the other people in my town and everywhere who actually were also awake, millions of them, doctors and nurses in hospitals, train drivers, people working at airports, mums feeding their babies, so many people. It makes you feel less alone!

Good luck and ignore the predictable bores posting unhelpful comments.

Quoting @Fionaoffeltrinelli “And post on here for support if you’re scared while he’s away, there’s always someone around even at 3am!”

This will help. Good luck.

You will be fine. I find it harder to get to sleep when DH isn’t here, it’s got worse the longer we have been together. He used to travel for work all the time and it was much easier. I find it’s just I am so used to him being there it’s not a fear thing for me.

Studies show that being around your loved one when it’s a mutually loving relationship a hormone called oxytocin can be released when close, it can be released very much from cuddling up. Sometimes called the cuddle or love hormone. I found out about it because I have often dropped off to sleep when cuddling up watching tv on the sofa and we wondered why.

You can't berate the fear out of someone. Reassuring OP that all will be OK is not infantilizing her, it's encouraging confidence.

Men are not only bigger and stronger than women they are targeted by predatory men less often than women so they have less reason to feel vulnerable.

Lived in the middle of nowhere in a converted church with gravestones in the cellar and surrounded by graveyard with young baby, husband often away. You’ll be fine 😁

You'll be fine. Lock the doors, close the curtains, and leave a lamp on if you're really anxious.

I can’t even imagine feeling like this, but I do think you need to rationalise what is worrying you. Break ins are very rare, especially whilst you’re in the house. Can you ask a friend round for dinner the first evening so you’re distracted?

@FOJN, that really isn’t accurate. Men, particularly younger men, and particularly in deprived areas, are far more likely to be victims of violent crime, especially violent crime committed by a stranger. Women are most at risk inside their homes, not from strangers breaking and entering, but from a male spouse or partner.

Encouraging someone to stoke their own irrational fears is really counter-productive.

It's prime day. Get yourself a ring camera or two.

We have all sides of the house covered so I can be completely confident that anything I hear/worry about it completely in my imagination as I can check the cameras without leaving my bed.

DH is away a lot and I mostly love it 😏Peace and quiet, no bloody sport on the TV at the weekends, girl dinner every night, and I sleep like the dead. Living alone is fab.

But I do get the heebie-jeebies alone in our kitchen at night sometimes, as we have one fully glass wall looking out onto a courtyard garden with a public footpath running down the side. I hate the expanse of darkness, and looking out from the kitchen into the shadowy garden when I know anyone looking in can see everything. Yes, it's daft but I still don't like it!

I lived in a flat as a single parent though and never felt scared. Loved having the sounds of other people around me, very comforting.

My post is accurate. You are quoting violent crime statistics I am aware of, for that reason I was consciously very specific in my post.

The low likelihood of someone breaking in does not make the fear irrational, it's why we all take home security measures. You could describe the fear as disproportionate but berating someone does not make it go away and neither does gaslighting them that the thing they are afraid of never happens.

Wow all the get a grip posts! If just saying to yourself "get a grip" fixed the way our minds work, that would be so helpful, but it isn't. A good mindset towards the whole thing will go a long way and you can put things in place which make it much easier. Once you have experienced this and got through it ok, the next time it is easier. You can do it.

There's loads of great tips in this thread OP. Consider leaving lights on with timers to help reduce the impression your building is empty if that's an option. Eat food you enjoy, watch a film you love, plan a lovely bedtime for your children. Fill your evening with positive things. Don't watch the news. Enjoy having all the bed, plan to speak to your other half or chat to an old friend for a catch up. I never thought I could live alone and was scared to do it but when I did, I realised I relished the simplicity it brings. You know what's done and not done and you can prepare so you are not mega busy. Have a gentle evening and you will be just great. Good luck!

Use the opportunity to watch what you like on Netflix, read a book, eat your favourite foods and snacks. Just remember to lock up and set your alarm for the morning.

Be kind to yourself OP. The 'get a grip' MNs clearly have never been afraid, had anxiety and clearly never watched crime watch back in the day Definitely light up the house like a Christmas tree if you want and anything that makes your feel safer.

It's okay to not be okay all the time. X