I’m a grown woman but scared of being home alone!!

[Rach224]

This may (or may not) sound absolutely pathetic. I completely appreciate the inevitable ‘get a grip’ comments that will most likely arise on this thread!!

DP is going away tomorrow so it’s just me and the kids (both under 3yo). He has only travelled once without me but didn’t affect me as that was years ago when we both still lived with parents.

This is the first time that he is leaving me on my own in the flat (of course I have the kids but they are only little!).

For some reason I’ve been feeling terribly nervous and anxious all day. I have suddenly thought about all the people (my lovely elderly grandma included) that live alone and wonder if they ever get scared. I will most likely be fine during the day time, it’s the evenings when the kids are asleep and I have to switch everything off and go to bed that scares me! I literally feel like I won’t sleep all week?!

Yeah I do need to get a grip, even typing this out makes me cringe at myself. Why am I such an anxious disaster at times?!

The scene of every ghost movie you've ever seen?

Cue op thinking of every ghost movie she's ever seen 😂

Plan some nice things, like watching TV/film your DH doesn’t like, or eating a dinner you wouldn’t make with him around.

I listen to audiobooks to fill the silence.

Not alone as I am exactly like this. I hate being on my own at night and have only done it a handful of times in my life. For me I am convinced that someone will break in or, like other people have mentioned, I think of every horror movie I've ever seen. I convince myself I can hear things in the night and the darkness makes it worse. I'm absolutely aware I need to get a grip but it's difficult to get those thoughts out of my head. I'm not quite sure how to allow myself to feel safe!

I get like this. I don’t think it’s daft. I mean there’s plenty of stories of women being killed in their homes by intruders, especially if they’re alone. It’s not a completely irrational thought - if unlikely. No doubt you’ll be fine op, but I think people are being a bit harsh by saying you’re being silly because these things do happen, albeit sporadically (sorry).

So it'll be fine, you'll cope and then you'll wonder why you worried about it!

@Rach224 let's just start to rationalise this. Do you think you mean scared? or do you think you mean lonely?

I've had to spend a lot of time on my own with the kids as DH worked abroad a lot. I got very focussed and into a routine so I knew everything was ticked and checked off. We were in a detached house, so security was a bit more of an issue than in an apartment.

You can do this. Work out what your specific routine should be and follow it and you'll be absolutely fine.

I wouldn't say 'plenty' of women are killed by intruders. Yes, far too many women are killed in their home by men, but we know their killer is rarely a stranger.

I do sympathise with this.
For no rational reason I feel like this.
I just don't sleep well and I dread night time.
Things I do: phone by bed, burglar alarm on, text to friends to chat, water upstairs so I don't need to go down for a drink.

My husband spends a lot of time abroad and I felt exactly like you - I was fine when I was on a semi but in a detached now semi rural so I have an alarm and a panic button. You do get used to it. I was broken into a lot as a child and came in to burglars twice which I think is why I am nervous.

I’m the same. I’m actually a lot better now we live rurally. People are what I fear, no people around here!
You aren’t pathetic at all and you don’t need a grip. New things can quite often cause anxiety. This is new. It’s ok to be anxious.

Just make sure everything is locked up properly and then enjoy having the bed all to yourself before he comes back with his dirty washing.

Maybe plenty was the wrong choice of word, yes. But there are lots of stories - Robert Napper, BTK killer, Ted Bundy, and so on and so on. (My dd is studying criminology so I possibly know too much for my own good to be fair…)!

Thanks everyone - shocked by the response to be honest and it’s made me feel so much better to hear that it’s actually a common feeling!

Definitely scared over lonely and my fear is 100% that somebody will break in! We live in a very old converted house but the flats downstairs have a separate entrance to me (their front door is round the back of the building and mine at the front). There is only one other flat on my side who accesses through the same door as me but it’s currently empty so my side of the building feels really quiet and isolated. Also the building is undergoing works and with the skip outside, temporary metal construction type gate etc, when all the lights are off it just looks like an empty, derelict building site!

But yes to the binge watching crappy tv!

I totally get this. My DH travels a couple of times a year for work and I absolutely hate it. It’s not even that I’m alone, I have the DC with me, but I struggle to sleep alone, even in a hotel room for work or something, every little noise makes me jolt awake.

i do imagine every ghost / monster film I’ve ever watched and then feel stupid in the morning 😅

Lone parent so this is my life all the time though I was told I don’t live alone if I have kids 🤣 yeah they will really be of use if anyone broke in!

Just to make you all laugh, i’m actually alone tonight as DP is still at work and just turned on the tv, corrie came on and straight away somebody just got murdered! Had to laugh. Trying to calm my nerves before he goes away and even corrie is trying to get me going!

@Hatty65 Tee hee, I’m the same. DH is taking his parents on a short holiday soon and DS (15) and I are looking forward to being home alone. I love it even more when everyone’s away (except for the dog). 😂

On a more practical note, can you make sure you have a system whereby you message at x time twice a day, so that DH or someone knows something is wrong if you’re not in touch at those times. I do that if DH is away

@HamBone That's me! I'm not sure why I had a large family, when I secretly crave peace and quiet!

It's bliss when there's no one else to bother you! (We also have a dog 😁)

How exactly is this helpful to the OP? 🤨 She's needing reassurance and you're talking about serial killers 🤣.

OP, for what it's worth I'm home alone this week (well, young DDs here but DH is away with work.) I frame it as me-time and absolutely love it. Once DDs are in bed I make myself a dinner that I love but DH wouldn't like and watch trashy TV with a glass of wine. Bubble baths, early nights with a book, PJs and face masks, listening to music in bed etc etc. Try to enjoy it and use it to please yourself and do the things you want to do.

Simply to say you are not alone. I went through a spell of working away and staying in an air bnb in a busy town centre. I thought it would be great to have peace (had two kids). It was awful, I was bricking it every time the old-fashioned lift doors opened in the communal hallway. I was thirty-five. It’s clearly not rational if you’re all snug and safely locked in but then neither is fear of spiders or clowns or the dark. I have been told I am strong in ‘real life,’ not been a coward in some genuinely frightening situations but get the breeze up me when I’m alone, I revert back to childhood. So in my case it’s oh no there might be a demon on the middle landing, it’s juvenile I suppose but what can you do🤣

I lived on my own for years and years and never felt like this. I remember a friend asking me if I got scared and I was like 'no way (you sissy)'. Since I've had a big burly man in my life, I do feel like this a bit when he's away! Coupled with the fact I've got small children and am very prone to anxiety about them too.
So annoying!!

I live alone. Sometimes at night I think I hear things and get frightened. But other than that it's fine.

Feel the fear but do it anyway. You need to do this and be able to do this without worrying. We all may end up living alone at some point in our lives and we aren’t doing ourselves any favours if we are completely unprepared for it .

it’ll be absolutely fine and much better than you expect.

You're just not used to it.

I lived alone for years and was rarely scared. I loved it. I now live with people and when they are away I feel a bit nervy, just because I am no longer used to being home alone.