Ds gas lighting Dd

[271726a]

So ds who's 16 has caused alot of problems in the family. This includes DV and aggression.

Things are better compared to what they were. But things are still hard and I kind of fucked up but I don't know how to manage it. Incase he kicks off. which is why I fucked up.

So basically he seems to be gas lighting. ( I think that's the right word) he sends me messages telling me DD is banging on the floor to annoy him and she's doing it on purpose. He does this often. He's on the 1st floor she's on the 2nd floor. A few days back I heard heavy banging . It sounded like parm of his hands slapping on his desk. As if pretending to play drums on the desk. I know it came from his room as I was in the hall way . He then send me a message demanding I tell her to stop. She had not done anything. I ignored him. But also I done fuck all about it. I'm really angry with myself.

He will do things like mute his tv to see if he can hear dd TV then he will get onto me again about sounds from her room.

Ds slept at his friends for 2 nights everything was so relaxed . Everyone chilling out doing their own thing . No hes back within 10 mins he was demanding.

Also whilst he's demanding no noise he's making more noise than anyone .

Please don't tell me to remove a a privilege we are way beyond that.

He does have emotional disregulation

I know I need to sort this I just don't know how.

I do have other threads regarding difficulties we have had.

Just an idea - if he's behaving this way in order to get attention and out of boredom, giving him a little unexpected positive attention (before he starts acting out) might throw him off course in a good way . By "treat" I just something small, like something he enjoys eating?

How does he spend his time?

Ah ok.

Well he's started a construction course now which he's doing . Sees a friend or 2 here abd there . Then he's playing music on x-box phone etc typical teenage stuff really

Do you all eat meals together or have any engagement other than him complaining and making trouble?

Does he do any physical activities?

(no judgement!)

Very rarely eat together.

Sometimes he will come in the living room and have a bit of a general chat have a little joke /laugh if he has his friends here he will sometimes pop in the living room for a short while.

No physical activities

Trust me I understand the difficulty of getting a boy that age to do anything normal.

But exercise and a little more positive family interaction would really help. Do you like his friends? Would you ever want to have one over for dinner if he agreed to it?

It's really not the solution for us. I wish it was. Thank you for trying though