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Original poster

Its beginning to look a lot like... the most stressful time of the year...

96 replies

toadasoda · 05/10/2023 17:26

This is a thread for people who do not like Christmas. I saw the f*ing elf on the shelf in a shop yesterday and quite physically reacted, my tummy flipped and I know its begun.... that creeping stressy feeling that begins when I know its approaching and disappears around January 6th.

There are aspects that I potentially could enjoy, like annual get togethers with particular groups, or a good staff party, if I were to wake up on December 10th and the season began. Of course this never gets to happen, and I lose the month of November every year and by December 1st I'm over it and really stressed. No one seems to understand, and some family members ridicule me for it. I'm not negative, in fact I'm quite happy in January and February when I have to listen to everyone else moan about the darkness.

For family reasons that I cannot get out of, I have to host every year. I know its only one meal one day but I get so anxious about it. People bring sides and starters and very generous bottles of wine, but I still have loads to do. Santa will be visiting us for whats likely to be the last time this year and I hate that every year while setting up presents I'm stressing about the state of the house, I'm trying to watch my little ones faces light up while worrying about the mess they are making or what my timings are like for the food. It depresses me to think that its never going to change, except we will lose Santa (the only good part) and everyone is very caught up in 'this is our christmas tradition' so that nothing can ever change. The music, the traffic, the planning, all of it - its just too much. I wish I could just go somewhere on 1 November and return on 10 January and I swear I would be a happier person.

Anyone else feel like this?? Please come here and have a moan about it.

OP posts:
StarlightLime · 05/10/2023 17:28

How on earth do you "lose the month of November" to planning Christmas lunch?

Nothingbuttheglory · 05/10/2023 17:30

Santa is definitely not the only good part.

Who else is in your house? Is there anything else you can delegate?

tuvamoodyson · 05/10/2023 17:46

How/why do you ‘lose the month of November?’

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Christmas Events & celebrations
Original poster
toadasoda · 05/10/2023 17:51

Not literally obviously but the stress / anxiety takes over.

OP posts:
BarbaraofSeville · 05/10/2023 18:15

Anyone else feel like this?? Please come here and have a moan about it

So to be clear, you're looking to indulge in some pointless moaning about how hard it is to stick a turkey in the oven and peel a few spuds as you have no intention of making some constructive changes so it's less of a big deal?

Stomacharmeleon · 05/10/2023 18:21

@toadasoda no one 'has to' do anything....

00100001 · 05/10/2023 18:21

It's only stressful because you make it stressful....

It's half a roast dinner...not sure what needs planning? Work back from the time you want to dish up. It's easier if others are involved. You can delegate tasks quite easily....

So what if the kids make a mess? Let them. Tidy up after/ in the evening - get everyone to help.

So what if the house isn't Instagram perfect? Noone is visiting you because a cushion is flumped and a blanket artfully draped across the back of a chair...

People who matter don't mind, and people who mind, don't matter.

00100001 · 05/10/2023 18:22

toadasoda · 05/10/2023 17:51

Not literally obviously but the stress / anxiety takes over.

So ... don't let it.

Get your kids some presents and wrap them up.

Get everyone to help with lunch and tidying up.

What else?

ZeroFucksGivenToday · 05/10/2023 18:25

Gosh, some of you are mean! I love Christmas, but I fully appreciate there are other times of the year I don't like. And I like a good thread of people feeling the same as me. It helps. So if Op wants her thread then don't pour water all over it.

Op, ironically you might be better setting a thread up in Christmas topic. They definitely have ones in there for people on their own/not enjoying it etc.

Wellexactly · 05/10/2023 18:29

Well I’m with you OP. I don’t even properly host half the time but I find the endless buying of presents, booking stuff to do, remembering all the traditions, and generally bringing the magic very stressful. Obviously partly bring it on myself through over complicating things (why did I ever think Christmas Eve boxes and matching Christmas PJs were necessary?!). And do love it all when it comes together and the little faces etc. But the stress of getting is ridiculous. Am already weeks behind inn sorting stuff out agh!!

BettyfromBristol · 05/10/2023 18:32

Once the DC grew up, our parents had died, and we realised no one was actually very interested in Christmas my winters became much better.

My work goes fairly quiet at that time so it is ideal for a holiday, some DIY or getting on with a craft project. At some point between November and February we will attempt to gather all the DC and partners for a meal. Someone might put up some fairy lights. A few bank transfers will be done.

I will probably WhatsApp my brother on the 25th, or he might remember to contact me.

I will politely respond to anyone who wishes me a happy Christmas and I will put a card through the door of a couple of elderly neighbours.

Job done.

StarlightLime · 05/10/2023 18:33

toadasoda · 05/10/2023 17:51

Not literally obviously but the stress / anxiety takes over.

But why? It's baffling that you start getting stressed and anxious about Christmas on November 1st? Genuinely baffling.
Why do you host for your wider family if it makes you like this?

SummerHouse · 05/10/2023 18:34

My Christmas day is just like yours. We host always and years alternate. It's either 14-18 people or 6-9 people. I absolutely love the run up Christmas. It's my favourite. Christmas day, even though I love the run up, is honestly dreadful. I am peeling from about 7am and I can hear the mess being made in the living room. I have one regular sized oven. Guests are always late and bring loads of stuff that they just dump on the sides. And it all culminates in the serving up which is hands down the most stressful thing I do. However well prepared you are, this is a test. Yet still, I love it. I love the tree. I love the lights. I love the bastard elf. We once bought a tree when DS was nearly two and got it in the car and DP said "we are a very lucky little family" and that's what I think now at every nice Christmas related moment. Yes it's fucking stressful. And the day itself is really not great. Just enjoy the bits you can and put zero pressure on yourself. It's a state of mind and you may as well aim for a positive one.

Love you OP. Please watch Elf.

RaisinsOfMildAnnoyance · 05/10/2023 18:36

I do as little as possible but I still find the forced jollity difficult to get through. The pressure to buy the perfect presents, making everything just so. Bah humbug.

Farmageddon · 05/10/2023 18:43

I'm sorry OP, people can be harsh on here. I tell you what, on Christmas day you will find load of threads from stressed out people wondering why the fuck they bothered, you have just come to this conclusion much earlier than most.

Is there any way you could delegate - or just have a mini breakdown around early December time and tell your family you will be out of action for the festive period?
How old are your kids? Is your husband useful?

I used to love Christmas, but the last few years have been stressful and sad because my dad has dementia and is now in a nursing home, so it won't really be the same again. This year I'm struggling to get excited to be honest, but I will try and enjoy the food and twinkly lights.

gillywee · 05/10/2023 18:44

Of course Christmas is stressful. Not sure why the perfect brigade are claiming "it's just a Sunday lunch" Shock honestly, I'd have expected that from some of the misogynistic pricks you lot write about on here. Do fucking better!!

Op, I hosted for many years and found it very stressful. Most of the time if you ask an adult what the best thing about Christmas is, they say dinner. It's a lot of pressure! Loads of times I've heard people allude to a ruined Christmas because of a sub standard lunch.
And if you're the one cooking, you absolutely do miss out on some of the good stuff because you're too busy stirring fucking gravy.
I've managed to offload a few people in recent years and it's a lot less stressful, but that partly because my kids are also older now.
I hope you can think of some good reasons to have a quiet one, if you feel like you've missed the boat this year maybe tell them that this is your last one and they're on their own next year. Flowers

Dontcallmescarface · 05/10/2023 18:50

I agree OP. As for cooking the dinner, I would rather just have had egg and chips ....it's a lot better than a roast any time of the year.

StarlightLime · 05/10/2023 18:51

honestly, I'd have expected that from some of the misogynistic pricks you lot write about on here. Do fucking better!!
Don't be such a muppet. Op is stressing about it for a full seven weeks before the event, and you're telling those who suggest this is not normal to "do fucking better"?!

SummerHouse · 05/10/2023 18:54

Oh yes, just to add this cruel twist of fate... if you cook Christmas dinner, it can be perfect, but to you as the main cook it all tastes bland and wrong. It's so weird. I know my Christmas dinners are good because I eat them again the next day and it's my most epic meal of the year. Yet on the day I have been mortified at the bland shite I have plated up. This is a mean trick!

gillywee · 05/10/2023 18:54

I've got more kids than the average and not a massive budget. If one thing utterly boils my piss it's people all in your business telling you it's too early to think about Christmas and the snide derision that comes with it. Off you pop love Biscuit

00100001 · 05/10/2023 18:54

gillywee · 05/10/2023 18:44

Of course Christmas is stressful. Not sure why the perfect brigade are claiming "it's just a Sunday lunch" Shock honestly, I'd have expected that from some of the misogynistic pricks you lot write about on here. Do fucking better!!

Op, I hosted for many years and found it very stressful. Most of the time if you ask an adult what the best thing about Christmas is, they say dinner. It's a lot of pressure! Loads of times I've heard people allude to a ruined Christmas because of a sub standard lunch.
And if you're the one cooking, you absolutely do miss out on some of the good stuff because you're too busy stirring fucking gravy.
I've managed to offload a few people in recent years and it's a lot less stressful, but that partly because my kids are also older now.
I hope you can think of some good reasons to have a quiet one, if you feel like you've missed the boat this year maybe tell them that this is your last one and they're on their own next year. Flowers

It is just a Sunday lunch and you can easily delegate stuff. If you're making gravy, whilst others are enjoying themselves, then they need to be doing stuff like laying the table, not doing fun stuff. All hands on deck.

One adult to mind any wee kids, all the others follow instructions and tidy/take things to where they need to be etc

BarbaraofSeville · 05/10/2023 18:58

If it's too much, don't do it. Everyone else gets to opt out, so you do the same. You might find if you don't do it, someone else will.

Or go out or buy ready made. If you don't want to pay Christmas Day prices, have the gathering on another day that costs the normal amount.

There's ways around weeks of stress and worry if you do want things to change.

fearfuloffluff · 05/10/2023 18:59

Just do it your way. Avoid the shops, go for nice walks and do a pagan type of Christmas that's all about thinking about the seasons rather than Santa and presents. A nice dinner has never done anyone any harm.

Personally I hate the shopping element but love seeing Christmas trees in windows.

cardibach · 05/10/2023 19:00

Wellexactly · 05/10/2023 18:29

Well I’m with you OP. I don’t even properly host half the time but I find the endless buying of presents, booking stuff to do, remembering all the traditions, and generally bringing the magic very stressful. Obviously partly bring it on myself through over complicating things (why did I ever think Christmas Eve boxes and matching Christmas PJs were necessary?!). And do love it all when it comes together and the little faces etc. But the stress of getting is ridiculous. Am already weeks behind inn sorting stuff out agh!!

How can you be weeks behind on prepping Christmas in the first week of October? Genuinely don’t get it.
My sister’s birthday is November 27th. We don’t think about/do anything for Christmas before that (except perhaps order a free range turkey). We have often had high numbers (up to 15) for lunch. Those about to say ‘what about starting buying early to spread the cost?’ - have you ever heard of this thing called saving?

00100001 · 05/10/2023 19:01

SummerHouse · 05/10/2023 18:34

My Christmas day is just like yours. We host always and years alternate. It's either 14-18 people or 6-9 people. I absolutely love the run up Christmas. It's my favourite. Christmas day, even though I love the run up, is honestly dreadful. I am peeling from about 7am and I can hear the mess being made in the living room. I have one regular sized oven. Guests are always late and bring loads of stuff that they just dump on the sides. And it all culminates in the serving up which is hands down the most stressful thing I do. However well prepared you are, this is a test. Yet still, I love it. I love the tree. I love the lights. I love the bastard elf. We once bought a tree when DS was nearly two and got it in the car and DP said "we are a very lucky little family" and that's what I think now at every nice Christmas related moment. Yes it's fucking stressful. And the day itself is really not great. Just enjoy the bits you can and put zero pressure on yourself. It's a state of mind and you may as well aim for a positive one.

Love you OP. Please watch Elf.

So why are you doing everything?

Why aren't guests helping peel veg and chopping veg and tidying up the mess?

Just DELEGATE!

I am the captain of my ship. People are summoned to chop veggies or whatever I need. t serving time,. people know to come to me and do exactly as they're told. And they take away their allocated dish of whatever and take it to sideboard.

DH organises the others to get table laid and crap tidied away before the ferrying commences. DS is in charge of condiments.