Its beginning to look a lot like... the most stressful time of the year...

[toadasoda]

This is a thread for people who do not like Christmas. I saw the f*ing elf on the shelf in a shop yesterday and quite physically reacted, my tummy flipped and I know its begun.... that creeping stressy feeling that begins when I know its approaching and disappears around January 6th.

There are aspects that I potentially could enjoy, like annual get togethers with particular groups, or a good staff party, if I were to wake up on December 10th and the season began. Of course this never gets to happen, and I lose the month of November every year and by December 1st I'm over it and really stressed. No one seems to understand, and some family members ridicule me for it. I'm not negative, in fact I'm quite happy in January and February when I have to listen to everyone else moan about the darkness.

For family reasons that I cannot get out of, I have to host every year. I know its only one meal one day but I get so anxious about it. People bring sides and starters and very generous bottles of wine, but I still have loads to do. Santa will be visiting us for whats likely to be the last time this year and I hate that every year while setting up presents I'm stressing about the state of the house, I'm trying to watch my little ones faces light up while worrying about the mess they are making or what my timings are like for the food. It depresses me to think that its never going to change, except we will lose Santa (the only good part) and everyone is very caught up in 'this is our christmas tradition' so that nothing can ever change. The music, the traffic, the planning, all of it - its just too much. I wish I could just go somewhere on 1 November and return on 10 January and I swear I would be a happier person.

Anyone else feel like this?? Please come here and have a moan about it.

Any chance you can find a pub/restaurant/hotel that offers a takeaway turkey service. We have one (don’t live in the UK) and it’s wonderful. I order it way in advance, on the day I do all the sides which takes about an hour. DH takes everyone out to collect the turkey giving me a good half hour of peace and quiet to get the other stuff finished. Then I just have to carve. Honestly it’s changed Christmas and I never intend to cook a turkey ever again.

@toadasoda if you post in the Christmas topic, you don't get quite so many cnuts

I moved from a full bird to a boned & rolled joint and that made it a little easier and less messy.
I'm not normally one for disposables but I allow myself a Turkey tin that just gets left to cool, rolled up and binned.

I felt the same OP for the first few years of hosting. I decided I needed a plan to limit the stress. Things like: massively reduce who you buy for (can you do secret Santa between friends etc), be happy to find a good present, not necessarily perfect, a spreadsheet which comes out every year with shopping lists, who to send cards to etc (again massively reduced over the years), meal plan for the Christmas break, online food shopping delivery for 23rd Dec, same day as I go out to buy fresh stuff/turkey and prep most of Christmas dinner the day/week before. All veg can be prepped on Christmas Eve, gravy can be made in advance, I make sausage rolls early Dec and freeze, same with cauliflower cheese etc. There will be stressful moments, but I'm much calmer these days!

Do you have a Kenji store in your town? They are fab and really cheap for stocking fillers.

Christmas dinner can be as easy or as complicated as you want to make it. We’ve carefully curated a menu, made everything from scratch. We’ve also just bought a 3 bird roast from the supermarket and let Aunt Bessie and Bisto do the rest of the rest. It doesn’t need to be a spectacular affair. If you have some spare cash and fancy something a bit fancier than aunt Bessie, look at M&S, Waitrose or cook - all have numerous mains and sides that you just put in the oven. Even if you can’t afford to do the whole meal that way, you can buy a couple of key things and do it that way.

If you are putting more effort in do it because you want to, not because you feel you have to. To sort out the timings, write it in your phone or type it up. You can then easily move things about as you remember something. You also then have the timings for next year. Then you print it out or hand write it out, put it next to the oven and leave the pen by it. Tick off when you’ve done something, use Alexa to name your timers (Alexa set potato timer and this is when you put the potatoes in). Whoever is in the kitchen at that time can do the task required and mark it off. Then delegate to others, get them tidying up, setting the table, putting the sides out, sorting drinks.

If it's any consolation, I MUCH prefer Christmas now that my DC (13 and nearly 11) don't belive in Santa! They are more measured in their requests and so much more grateful for what they receive. And there is no stress about a strange man being in the house when they're trying to sleep (one of my DC has ASD!) Embrace the change OP!

I agree and sympathise with you OP, and we don’t even host for Xmas! I have a bday to sort at Xmas too which doubles the stress. I suffer from anxiety which hugely increases at Christmas time, and I feel SO much pressure for it to meet the high standards I set myself. There is so much I enjoy but I also just want it over with and I can enjoy the rest of the year. I know that sounds ridiculous to some. Some harsh responses on here. A bit like asking people ‘do you find going on holiday with small children stressful’. You are always going to get some that say it’s a piece of cake. many don't though

I don't know why people make it so stressful, l buy the Xmas dinner on Xmas eve and a few treats, usually just me and two sons, it's very calm and relaxed. I much prefer it this way. I see people before and after, but not on the day itself.
Years ago when boys were younger it was different, a lot of hard work and running round. The three of us very much prefer a nice quiet day. We go out for a walk, have a nice dinner and relax with our pets.

Totally agree, christmas is like an extra part time job in the last 3 months of the year.

I could have written your post 10 years ago, OP.

This is just a guess, but is one of the people who ridicules you for getting stressed your DP? How much does he contribute?

I left mine. And funnily enough, Christmas ever since has been much more relaxed. It was the frustration and resentment that making me stressed. My top tips are:

• Ignore what’s in the shops and don’t start even thinking about it until December
• Cook a few veg dishes like red cabbage in advance and put them in the freezer
• Don’t do any kind of starter (or pudding for that matter)
• Don’t make a list of all your timings for Christmas Day. Seriously - just wing it. I used to make massive lists of when to baste the turkey, what time the potatoes should go in, when the pigs in blankets should come out etc, then one year I just stopped. It generally works out fine.
• Have a little drink while you’re cooking
• Tell everyone you won’t be cooking any other meals other than Christmas dinner. Someone else has to do it.
• Do NOT overspend and do not buy for anyone other than your DC. Gradually reduce the number of presents your DC get each year until it’s more manageable. This will quickly become the new normal.
• Don’t be afraid to cancel traditions. Often no one even cares about them.

I don't like the expectations around Christmas. I don't like the forced jollity. Or my elderly mother's obvious disappointment if I don't tie myself in knots like she used to.
Now...I write my small handful of cards in October and send them beginning of December. Totally minimise present giving. As few as possible. I didn't mind 'just a roast dinner' when it was close family but now my adult children have plus ones and their inlaws to consider. So I feel the stress if I'm feeding people who I didn't give birth to and I worry about widowed mother and when to see people who have other people in their mix.
I quite like putting decorations and a tree up. Literally one present each to family member - meaning my parents, DH, kids and their partners. No siblings/ aunts/cousins/ nephews and nieces. If I have grandchildren they will get one nice thing which I will discuss with their parents.
I try to keep it stupidly simple, and then take a very long walk on Boxing Day. Much tougher when kids are small and they have high ideals. People saying it's just one Christmas dinner probably don't have large families with everyone having different ideas about what to do.
I'd cancel the whole thing if I had my way.
Merry Christmas you filthy animals 😂
Bah humbug!!

(Team @toadasoda as you can see)

amzn.eu/d/dkCtcu4

I bought this planner a few years back, it's been great. It has space for lists etc. lasts 5 Christmases I think. It definitely gets used.

I also have a list in my Notes on my phone. iPhone have a function to lock it and you need finger/Face ID to open, if you didn't already know, so the kids can't stumble upon it by accident.
I list each person I buy for and underneath are present ideas with a light bulb emoji, which I change to a green tick emoji if I buy it. Just so I can see at a glance what I might already have bought and hidden! I add ideas to it all year round so I'm not stumped when it comes to start buying.

Everyone who has small kids has a lounge that looks like a bomb has gone off on Christmas Day surely! Is it even Christmas if someone hasn’t trodden on a brand new Lego brick?!
Maybe try and think of the things you find most stressful and work back from there? You don’t have to spend time prepping veg for example, Mr Marks and Mr Spencer can do that for you.

Perhaps you could manage expectations and if you really have to host, do it to suit you not them.

We don't or no longer do red cabbage as neither of us are keen, or Yorkshire puds or mash as the plate is already heaving. My SIL does an array of desserts which is lovely but I'll do Christmas pudding (bought and microwaved obvs) and a very easy lighter dessert, if I'm not sure everyone likes Christmas pudding.

Delegate table-laying, drinks-serving, WASHING UP etc and make it easier on yourself. Don't be a control freak martyr 😊

I don't do Christmas. Just say no!!

Yeah Bah Humbug to Christmas. I find it really fucking stressful. We’re always ill with some horrid cold/flu, and like you OP I start getting a bit stressed well, from now onwards really. The supermarkets stress me out, that bloody loop of Christmas anthems ringing out over the store as people frantically pile their trolleys high with a load of shit they don’t need or don’t like eating, the thinking about food and seeing effing relatives who I don’t particularly like but who also inconveniently live a long long way away so doubly irritating. And all the people who immediately say “Well just say no, don’t visit them,” it’s really not that easy; although last year I refused to drive to Kent to do one such visit with the kids - I just didn’t have it in me and I do feel guilty but I just want peace and to be left alone with my family.

I am NOT hosting this year, I’m not going to drive anywhere ridiculous and eat a horrid meal with people I don’t like and who don’t like me. I’m also not going to work’s Christmas party because I just can’t be arsed and it’ll mean another long drive, lots of expense (work don’t pay) and an evening of trying to be nice to people whilst I’m actually just wanting to go home and chill.

In fact, I feel so strongly about all of these things that I may barricade myself inside the house, probably starting tomorrow and only open the front door in late Feb ( at the very very earliest.)

I do wish people wouldn’t send me cards either, I feel guilty about not returning the gesture.

So Christmas can positively do one - or to be more precise, I’ll enjoy it here, with my cats and the kids, at home in front of my log fire and listening to classic FM and the outside world can feck off!!

Another thing to say:

Ironically, I started stressing less about Christmas when I stopped planning it so much. I think the lists and planning makes it worse as it raises the expectations, forces you to think about it more (and earlier) and creates a job in itself.

I now don’t really think about it until December 1st.

I'm totally with you OP. I can take or leave Christmas Day itself. But I totally detest the fact that Christmas is forced down everyone's throats from September onwards, and it gets earlier every year. I don't want to be trying to think of lists of gifts that I don't want, just to try and make everyone else feel good about themselves while I quietly seethe inside. Bag humbug!

Why do you have to do it every year? It seems unfair given it’s causing you so much anxiety. If it were me I would either order the food in as others have suggested or tell everyone you’re having a quiet family christmas with just you and the kids. Sod ‘tradition’!

We host and it’s not just the Christmas meal, though with a coeliac and a vegetarian that’s complicated enough. It’s also Christmas Eve dinner and Boxing Day lunch plus smaller meals. With three extra adults staying for at least three nights and others popping by.

it’s a lot of planning. More and more I’ve given up
and just use M and S or Cook or Forman and Field because a lot the Christmas food isn’t my favourite anyway and cooking it doesn’t interest me. So I cook the bits I do like and outsource the rest and it makes it a bit easier.

You can reduce some of the hassle and mess;
Order Christmas dinner to be delivered from a catering company and have your guests chip in for their share.
Do all your shopping online.
Get someone else to decorate the house.
Don't wrap gifts just get gift bags=less mess.

I love Christmas but I do really feel for those who don't as it is SO in your face from early November onwards.

It is just a roast dinner, scaled up granted, but if it's causing that much anxiety you're doing it wrong. Who the fuck is stirring gravy? Buy three tubs and sling it in the microwave.

Sling the pud and the custard in the microwave.

I'm the worlds most disorganised crowd pleaser, but that's what Harvey's Bristol Cream while your dishing up is for. Two glasses and you give far fewer shits.

Nobody HAS to do anything. If you won’t say no and stop doing things you don’t like you’re bringing this entirely on yourself. If you don’t want to host, don’t. If you don’t want to cook, plenty of supermarkets do pre-prepped Christmas dinner ingredients. If other people have a problem with you saying no tell them they’re welcome to take over and do it themselves. I don’t want to “do” Christmas so I simply…don’t. It’s really very simple.

You buy some presents .

Go to a few events.

Warp presents and eat food...

Exactly. Three months of stressing about Christmas 🤯
Anyone who thinks this is normal really needs some sort of intervention.