Would you be happy if your partner told you this?

namechanged12312 · 2023-10-01T20:02:43+00:00

"You have improved so much as a parent. I know I can be hard on you sometimes (as in telling you what to do/what not to do with parenting.)" Would you be find this sweet? Or how would you feel about it?

itsmylife7 · 01/10/2023 21:05

Totally depends if they want you to do parenting 'their way' or the 'safe way '

Lizzieregina · 01/10/2023 21:07

Condescending. If DH said that to me it wouldn’t end well!

Original poster

namechanged12312 · 01/10/2023 21:08

itsmylife7 · 01/10/2023 21:05

Totally depends if they want you to do parenting 'their way' or the 'safe way '

Sorry I'm not sure what you mean by safe way, but the instructions would be along the way of how the partner thinks teaching time/play time/communication, etc... should be done in the best way.

OP posts:

Gilead · 01/10/2023 21:08

Totally patronising. Having said that, I spent 23 years in an abusive marriage so I may be jumping a little fast!

Hermittrismegistus · 01/10/2023 21:09

Sounds like a message from someone wanting a slap tbh.

Octobermeterreadtime · 01/10/2023 21:09

I would be right in thinking he was a twat.

Doggymummar · 01/10/2023 21:09

I would think it patronising, like I had come around to there way of thinking

sprigatito · 01/10/2023 21:09

I would ask him who the hell he thought he was talking to.

SnapdragonToadflax · 01/10/2023 21:09

I would tell them to fuck right off.

Bonbon21 · 01/10/2023 21:10

....well, after he picked his teeth up off the floor......

Original poster

namechanged12312 · 01/10/2023 21:10

Thank you for all your replies. My husband said that to me and I got a bit hurt. Was wondering if I was overreacting or not.

I constantly feel like a shit parent because my 16 month old toddler has a developmental delay (speech delay mainly) and this just made me feel worse instead of better because I feel he agrees I am at fault kind of... (I am a sahm so I'm the main caretaker)

OP posts:

CountessKathleen · 01/10/2023 21:11

‘Who died and made you Mary Poppins?’

LifesShortTalkFast · 01/10/2023 21:11

That sounds condescending, more like a parent talking to a child than two adults talking as "equals".

BethDuttonsTwin · 01/10/2023 21:12

What a patronising prick. Sounds like he's trying to establish some kind of seniority and authority around parenting in your household. Only you know how your relationship is but would laughing right in his face at his pomposity work at all?

PenhillDarkMonarch · 01/10/2023 21:12

If it came from someone who was otherwise sweet and caring and who I felt fully respected me as an equal, I'd brush it off as an awkward delivery if a well meant compliment.

If it came from someone who had previously belittled, patronised it made me feel a bit shit - I'd be pissed off and just about ready to tell them so.

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 01/10/2023 21:14

Red flag. The 'I know I can be hard on you sometimes' line especially. It sounds worryingly superior and authoritative. It would give me the creeps.

Original poster

namechanged12312 · 01/10/2023 21:14

PenhillDarkMonarch · 01/10/2023 21:12

If it came from someone who was otherwise sweet and caring and who I felt fully respected me as an equal, I'd brush it off as an awkward delivery if a well meant compliment.

If it came from someone who had previously belittled, patronised it made me feel a bit shit - I'd be pissed off and just about ready to tell them so.

That's the thing. He's sweet and supportive. But at the same time, I feel he criticises EVERYTHING I do or don't do as a parent everyday. He always gives me so many instructions and "advice", a set schedule, etc...

So I'm on the fence.

OP posts:

Original poster

namechanged12312 · 01/10/2023 21:15

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 01/10/2023 21:14

Red flag. The 'I know I can be hard on you sometimes' line especially. It sounds worryingly superior and authoritative. It would give me the creeps.

Yeah that made me raise an eyebrow

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Octobermeterreadtime · 01/10/2023 21:16

So you aren't allowed it parent your own dc without his instructions? Fuck that

DreamItDoIt · 01/10/2023 21:16

My response, with look of incredulity:

Are you having a f*ing laugh!

Original poster

namechanged12312 · 01/10/2023 21:16

BethDuttonsTwin · 01/10/2023 21:12

What a patronising prick. Sounds like he's trying to establish some kind of seniority and authority around parenting in your household. Only you know how your relationship is but would laughing right in his face at his pomposity work at all?

That's how I interpreted it as well. As in he's better versed in parenting than I am. Except it's both our first child. And he made decisions in the past that quite literally almost broke our family, but I have never questioned his parenting.

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justthecat · 01/10/2023 21:18

I've had 2 with speech delay due to ear problems, didn't make me a crap parent and certainly not you and his comment says more about him

Original poster

namechanged12312 · 01/10/2023 21:19

BethDuttonsTwin · 01/10/2023 21:12

What a patronising prick. Sounds like he's trying to establish some kind of seniority and authority around parenting in your household. Only you know how your relationship is but would laughing right in his face at his pomposity work at all?

Also, I wish I had just laughed at him. But I am feeling super hormonal right now (pregnant) and I just feel sad. So I just left the room.

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StarDolphins · 01/10/2023 21:19

I mean, if my boss said it I’d suck it up but if a partner told me my parenting has improved (so it was shit before then?) it would not go down well with me.

Cowlover89 · 01/10/2023 21:20

My hackles would rise..