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Original poster

Would you be happy if your partner told you this?

98 replies

namechanged12312 · 01/10/2023 21:02

"You have improved so much as a parent. I know I can be hard on you sometimes (as in telling you what to do/what not to do with parenting.)"

Would you be find this sweet? Or how would you feel about it?

OP posts:
Original poster
namechanged12312 · 01/10/2023 21:21

justthecat · 01/10/2023 21:18

I've had 2 with speech delay due to ear problems, didn't make me a crap parent and certainly not you and his comment says more about him

Thank you.

He says it's because I don't communicate with him properly and let him watch Ms Rachel.

He had his hearing tested shortly after birth and he hears just fine.
I got an appointment with the health visitor to potentially get him tested early for autism.

OP posts:
Thesearmsofmine · 01/10/2023 21:22

Who says your 16 month old is delayed? It’s quite young for a professional to have said that.

Anyway I would be considering leaving someone like that tbh, he is controlling.

PenhillDarkMonarch · 01/10/2023 21:23

In that case a simple 'that sounded very patronising...' might flush out intention a bit.

Original poster
namechanged12312 · 01/10/2023 21:25

Thesearmsofmine · 01/10/2023 21:22

Who says your 16 month old is delayed? It’s quite young for a professional to have said that.

Anyway I would be considering leaving someone like that tbh, he is controlling.

He wasn't meeting his milestones at the last visit with the health visitor and she said he might need further help, he still isn't his milestones.

He's very behind compared to his pairs.

But the word delay specifically wasn't used. It was just my interpretation.

I take him to the playground and to the children centre for activities as advised but he still isn't catching up.

OP posts:
Mountaineer0009 · 01/10/2023 21:25

so its almost that he takes charge and knows best ?

Original poster
namechanged12312 · 01/10/2023 21:26

PenhillDarkMonarch · 01/10/2023 21:23

In that case a simple 'that sounded very patronising...' might flush out intention a bit.

Thank you. I'll tell him that

OP posts:
Devilsmommy · 01/10/2023 21:28

namechanged12312 · 01/10/2023 21:14

That's the thing. He's sweet and supportive. But at the same time, I feel he criticises EVERYTHING I do or don't do as a parent everyday. He always gives me so many instructions and "advice", a set schedule, etc...

So I'm on the fence.

Show quote history

Tell the knob that you'll go back to work and he can be the sahp. See if his poxy lists and instructions work with an actual toddler

Original poster
namechanged12312 · 01/10/2023 21:28

Mountaineer0009 · 01/10/2023 21:25

so its almost that he takes charge and knows best ?

That's what he implied I think. Not sure if he is right or not frankly. I like to believe I do my research on different parental techniques and try to be knowledgeable on the basics

OP posts:
YukoandHiro · 01/10/2023 21:28

Depends on other dynamics. If it's being said by relatively absent dad to primary parent stressed mum then it deserves a flame thrower

Mylovelygreendress · 01/10/2023 21:29

What sort of a schedule are you given ?

Original poster
namechanged12312 · 01/10/2023 21:30

YukoandHiro · 01/10/2023 21:28

Depends on other dynamics. If it's being said by relatively absent dad to primary parent stressed mum then it deserves a flame thrower

He's not absent, he does take care of him on his time off.
But since I'm a sahm I do 90% of the childcare.
I did tell him I felt like a crap mum recently so his comment today hurt me a little bit.

OP posts:
Mountaineer0009 · 01/10/2023 21:31

namechanged12312 · 01/10/2023 21:28

That's what he implied I think. Not sure if he is right or not frankly. I like to believe I do my research on different parental techniques and try to be knowledgeable on the basics

Show quote history

from my perspective there are various different methods when it comes to parenting eg helicopter parents, tiger parents, etc seems likes its i know best this should be etc rather than working with you , to parent

Original poster
namechanged12312 · 01/10/2023 21:32

Mylovelygreendress · 01/10/2023 21:29

What sort of a schedule are you given ?

What time to feed, what time to read him a story, what time to play, what to play, how long to play for, when to do teaching time, what to do during teaching time and how long for, his bath and bedtime routine (for instance I'll say I want to bath him at night before bed and he'd say he adamantly wants me to bath him during the day, and if I don't do it, he will bath him in the day, and it makes me feel so lazy), etc...

OP posts:
DisforDarkChocolate · 01/10/2023 21:33

I'd want to stab them with a fork. Condescending bollocks.

Pugfin · 01/10/2023 21:33

Tha last part especially is condescending AF, sounds like his comments have made you feel guilty for something that isn't your fault at all!

whattttttodo · 01/10/2023 21:34

I'd say "that strange, you are the secondary parent yet you view yourself as superior. How amusing "

siegfriedchild · 01/10/2023 21:34

😳

Original poster
namechanged12312 · 01/10/2023 21:35

whattttttodo · 01/10/2023 21:34

I'd say "that strange, you are the secondary parent yet you view yourself as superior. How amusing "

That's the thing. He genuinely thinks our son would be developing a lot better if he were the main carer. And that's he's got a delay because I'm the SAHP.

OP posts:
Lizzieregina · 01/10/2023 21:36

I was a SAHM. If my DH had given me a schedule, he’d have been given his marching orders! You’re the one at home all day with a toddler. You can figure out how best to meet your child’s needs without micro manager who isn’t even there.

I’m livid on your behalf!

And regarding speech, it really is one of the slower things to develop for kids. I’m also a child care provider for infants and toddlers, and several of them have done speech therapy and in all cases, they were yapping before the ST even got fully started.

Thesearmsofmine · 01/10/2023 21:38

OP he sounds like a controlling man. Is he like this is other parts of life too?

16 months is really young for speech delay. What other milestones is he not hitting?

whattttttodo · 01/10/2023 21:39

@namechanged12312 and I like to think I can hold my own on strictly but until I've had a go I'm not placing any bets.

Seriously tho he doesn't see you as an equal. I would find that offensive. Speech delay is very common and you definitely shouldn't blame yourself. It happens and it will improve

Octobermeterreadtime · 01/10/2023 21:39

Op do you fancy a new patio? He is a class 1 twat.

Dolly567 · 01/10/2023 21:42

Such a strange and patronising comment.

Also, don't beat yourself up about your sons speech. My first sons was a little behind and I worried so much and lost so much sleep about it.
My second born son has come along and his speech is what some would call 'advanced' and they were parented exactly the same.
My eldest is now in primary and his speech is amazing.

Mylovelygreendress · 01/10/2023 21:44

namechanged12312 · 01/10/2023 21:32

What time to feed, what time to read him a story, what time to play, what to play, how long to play for, when to do teaching time, what to do during teaching time and how long for, his bath and bedtime routine (for instance I'll say I want to bath him at night before bed and he'd say he adamantly wants me to bath him during the day, and if I don't do it, he will bath him in the day, and it makes me feel so lazy), etc...

Edited
Show quote history

I suspected as much . One of my DSDs is married to a man like this . Before he goes to work he hands her her Daily Schedule !
She is finally realising how controlling he is .

Echobelly · 01/10/2023 21:45

Unless he's doing anything like an equal amount of parenting to you, it's probably bullshit.