Don't want my daughter making First Communion, ex partner does.

[Upcyclerookie]

Literally this, what do we do , flip a coin?

Depends, is he actually religious or does he think its just the "done thing".

I had an ex that I discussed children with but it didn't end up happening. He was Catholic but only ever went to church for weddings and funerals and he didn't "follow" the religion (lived in sin with me for one thing) and I am staunchly atheist so I would feel in our situation I felt more strongly about it all so should carry more weight in the argument. His reasons were more family pressure which I had an issue with in other areas. If he actually believed in God I would have been more inclined to go along with it, so to speak

I'm not RC, so not sure how it works with ages , but the general idea in Protestant/ Anglican church is that children wait until they're old enough ( in theory) to make their own decision, then follows confirmation and taking communion. Is it possible to wait for that?

What does your daughter want?

How old is your DD? What does she want?

@Bootskates it's because it's the done thing and he doesn't want daughter to be odd one out in her class. He only goes to Mass at Xmas, funerals etc. I'm not remotely religious and don't agree with these sacraments

The missing information is what does your daughter want surely

She's 6 and has Autism so she doesn't really understand

I think FHC age is old enough for the child to have a bit of input themselves into whether they want to do it.

Cross posted sorry. Would she be doing it with school or would it be something you had to facilitate yourselves?

If you're not religious, it doesn't make the slightest bit of difference to you whether she does it or not. He still attends Mass and funerals, so has his beliefs even if you think they aren't good enough ones.

If she was a neurotypical child I would ask her but she is emotionally delayed and honestly doesn't understand the whole thing or what it means

Did you have her baptised as RC? If so, I’d say you probably signed up this at the time! 6 seems rather young though, particularly for a ND child.

@BelindaBears it would be with her school, ex wanted her to go to a Catholic school which I begrudgingly agreed to

Do you think she would get some enjoyment out of it ?

I think if she is already baptised, at a Catholic school etc I would probably let her do it as she is already pretty much on that path.

If your child has autism and the rest of her class are doing it, I would be inclined to let her too.
You daughter will have a hard enough time being different in years to come than having to miss out on wearing a lovely dress or having a nice day out.

People overthink it a bit IMHO. She can opt out as an adult. We make heaps of choices for our kids, their name for one thing. I suppose I view Christianity as more like cultural background knowledge, so I'm perfectly happy for them to have that knowledge and participate until they probably drift away as adults. I think if you have 1st communion you can still formally renounce the faith and exit the church as an adult, which is a while lot easier than trying to learn about it for the first time as an adult

Sorry for the drip feed, I should have put more info in my original post. Yes she is baptized and I let her go to a Catholic school but I don't want her doing anything else, I don't think she would enjoy it especially not the First Confession

If she is in a Catholic school, I should think she would be the only one not making her Communion.

I wonder how you think she would feel about that? If she wouldnt be bothered then that's fine.

Then personally no. I don't think kids should partake in religious ceremonies they don't understand

Have you actually spoken to the school about your concerns and asked to look at the course materials they use to prepare the children for their Confession and Communion?

@Dacadactyl she honestly wouldn't notice the rest of them doing it, and she much prefers her own company

Mine all took fhc and I’m ambivalent as I do think it’s something you should choose.
But are they doing the preparation at school? If so I’d say go with it- the time to make a stand was before she was baptised or started school- it seems mean to deny her the big event.
My DCs, now 20s and at various levels of belief and observance still reminisce about it. Not just the clothes, but also the family meal, the preparation, the friends taking it at the same time, the priest and the catechists.

Is it this year or next? It seems to vary by area. My friends child was 8 and loved it

At 6yo, she miles too young for the first communion though.
Is your ex talking about doing it now, preparing fir it for the next two years (never heard about it being that long though)?

And more importantly, is it done through the school?

I did the preparation for the First Communion because it was done with my (Catholic) school. I really really insisted in it because everyone else was doing it and felt left out.
We agreed that I would prepare for it but wouldn’t be doing it (My mum is an atheist…..)

Fwiw, the two weeks (or whatever length it was) we spent preparing made a real atheist. I had no idea what it was about (as in adopting a religion and how important it was supposed to be). For me, it was a ceremony like others with no proper meaning. But what I was taught by the catholics nuns was such that it put me off for life (think creationists Plus the hypocrisy of so many of the ‘work’ they were making us do)