Don't want my daughter making First Communion, ex partner does.

[Upcyclerookie]

Literally this, what do we do , flip a coin?

My DS father wanted this and kicked up a right fuss. I decided it wasn't the hill I wanted to die on with my ex so I allowed it.
Now 43 my DS hasn't been inside a church since he was 9 and is a devout atheist.

Of course she should! The rest of her class will be. The mistake you made was agreeing to a RC school if you didn't want that.

If it helps... I had a first holy communion and the dress and the shoes and the little bag and prayer book. Me and all my school mates. It was a huge event and we all loved it. As an adult I've not graced a church in years.

lt won't make any difference when she grows up.

You lost my sympathy when you admitted to having her baptised Catholic and attend a Catholic school (I’m an atheist) … communion is kind of inevitable surely?

It's also the fact that she has to make her first Confession as well soon and she can't do her FHC without it. A 6 year old confessing to sins, it's absolutely ridiculously imo.

I feel like just because I had her baptized in a Catholic church doesn't mean I necessarily want her to do the rest of the sacraments especially as I don't believe in them . It's not black and white

OP, it's hard decision but what your child wants??
My daughter just went through the FHC program and she had hers last June.

These days the first confession process was made extremely children friendly, minimal stress for children and in nice atmosphere (completely opposite to my experience when I was a child).

But it's a commitment is your ex is going to take her to monthly meetings, parents meetings? and able explain the whole process to her? plus weekly masses??

My DD goes to Catholic school but from her class there were only 9kids going through FHC.

I doubt the whole class will do it so if she wont go she wont be the odd one out.

She will feel left out if she doesn't get to surely?

Everyone will be talking about their presents and parties.

My school has a communion party the week after and they all wear their dresses to school again.

To be honest, I'm the Catholic partner and the one who wanted my children baptised, mainly for cultural reasons its part of who they are, and part of my cultural heritage. DH and his family are very militant atheists and refused to attend any of their grandchildrens baptisms ( SIL baptised her children into the C of E despite being Jewish atheist- her DH is C of E) However, I am very uncomfortable with FHC and didn't force them to have it, and both mine decided not to. I don't know why I was uncomfortable. Partly it was the age thing, partly it was the whole creepy ' bride/ groom' vibes for 8 year olds and mainly the confession. I
HOWEVER they go to Catholic High school. When they have a school mass, they cannot take Communion. There are lots of kids who don't either, but they aren't Catholic. They have said sometimes they go up for communion just because everyone else does, so I just taught them what to do. No one knows who's had FHC or not. I know they shouldn't do it, but on the rare occasions I go to Mass, I go up, but I haven't been to confession for 30 years, so shouldn't do it either! Just maybe something to consider, that if she is going to have a Catholic education, it's not one day, it's every church service in school, she'll be sitting down or going up for a blessing while everyone else us going up for Communion.

Are you in Ireland or England ?

I'm in Ireland and basically everyone in Catholic schools does it,little Input needed from the parents to facilitate it.

I'd let your child do it regardless or at least prepare if done in school so as not to have them left out

Weren't you asked to make a commitment to raising her in the faith when you had her Baptised?

I think it can all wait till your daughter is old enough to understand the reasons, process etc. Involvement with religion should be an informed choice.

All they need to be able to do is understand that the Sacrament is not normal food.

Well she didn't understand her Baptism so why change the rules?

What does your daughter want to do?

And I decided at 8 not to take it. I had never really thought about God in any real depth before. It was being pushed by the church and lessons that made me decide against.

If not religious then why worry if she does it? It isn't like getting circumcised, it's just a ritual that won't physically hurt her. Can only see a problem if you were a different religion but as none, why care? Means as much as if you gave her a Mars bar and said here, this is symbolically the body of (insert historical figure here).

Don't both parents need to agree for them to go ahead?

It 100% does mean that. When you had her baptised in the Catholic church, you would have promised to help bring her up in the Catholic faith, as did her godparents.
If she is baptised, she is Catholic. It can't be taken away. It's obviously important to your ex, so since you both promised to do this, you should carry it out.

I wouldn't worry about the confessions. (DS did his FHC in Y3. DH is a practising catholic and I'm CofE.)
Children have to do confession in full view of another adult. For DS the priest sat on one side of a table and the child on the other. There was a plastic screen but I think that was Covid. The priest was one side of the church and the children waited on the other. The priest is a lovely very patient man and I really enjoyed watching his face as he listened to the small children confess their sins. I suspect they were all similar to DS's....saying the f word, arguing with his brother and some minor misdemeanor. So definitely not scary or intimidating.
Because of our family background DS won't do confirmation until later teens so that he can decide which church (or none)

Six seems very young. I think I had mine around 10. Then you choose whether to be confirmed or not around 16.

6 is too young. I would agree, but ask to wait until she is 8

Really? She wouldn’t notice something every other child was doing and which is a big deal for them and not wonder why she’s being left out? Way to “other” her.

Will she really be the only one? Two of my nieces went to a Catholic primary school. They weren’t catholic. They weren’t even Christened until the eldest was in the last year and that was done in a CofE church. And they weren’t the only non catholics.

Btw first confession in our school was just the child sitting and thinking about what they were grateful for and what they could improve on as opposed to a dark confession box and one on one with a priest.