Thread 10 - TalkLair: “The candle flame gutters. Its little pool of light trembles.”

[Kucinghitam]

Continuation of previous threads (thread 9).

Although the nights are gradually drawing in, the new lair of JTT escapees is all cosy and homey inside. The hearth is glowing, the walls covered in dubious artwork, books by non-approved authors line the shelves, rugs are down on the floors (and assorted pets curled up on them).

We just won’t mention the gnawed bones of our prey over there in the corner of the cave…

Seconded, duc, he's being an idiot.

Well, like I said, I don't want WW3. I'll keep a close eye out. I shan't shove any notes through the letter-box now, but that will be the next stage if it happens again. It was so weird, I couldn't understand why my row of wheelie bins (we have four) were all covered in breadcrumbs this morning!

@duc748 When you do want WW3, you need to get one of those leaf-sucker/blower contraptions, suck up all the crumbs on your side and blow them over the fence into his garden.

Why doesn't he just get himself a bird table?

I'm too old for a Last Crusade, @Gonners, I just want the quiet life! 😀

The Germans must have a word for that feeling of enormous but not quite complete relief at having just sorted out one largeish bill but still have an even larger bill that will have to wait 2 more days to pay. Whatever the word, that’s what I’m feeling. Joint account statement has mysteriously disappeared - normally it’s me who hides it because I use the account when mine has no money, so I can only assume macman done the same as me, the absolute bastard. Of course I may just have hidden it too well this time.

@duc748 assuming you haven’t already, I would probably put him on the spot and actually ask, politely, ‘Why are you putting crumbs on my shed roof?’ and see what he says. I find asking people why they are doing or saying something unpleasant can often disarm them, and then hopefully you can have a reasonable discussion.

If that doesn’t work I would burn his house down.

CyanCrystalViolet, that sounds like a good plan. Just ask and he what he says.

I had a conversation with him when he put them on my shed roof ages ago, and persuaded him to stop doing it. Now he's started again, putting them on the wood-store roof now. Presumably he thought I wouldn't notice.

Arson in a terrace might not be the smartest idea.

In things-coming-over-the-wall news, we heard three mysterious heavy thuds about 15 minutes ago - thought it might be seagulls on the flat roof, until I went outside and found three heavy, smooth stones on our side path, by the 5' wall that separates us from the tiny school next door. Their front playground was full of 3-to-5-year-olds, mostly innocently playing. I asked one of the older boys "Where did these stones come from?" and he replied "They're not stones, they're GOLD!!! And it wasn't me." So that's a mystery, eh?

It’s very odd. Is he losing his marbles?

A bit. He is a bit odd. My mate who lives round the corner has known him all his life; he has some stories to tell. Last year he had women (or a woman) banging and hollering at his front door late at night at regular intervals, which was a bit strange, to say the least. He must be 70+, I'd imagine. Fortunately, all that's quietened down. The breadcrumbs are a picnic by comparison.

I have a conundrum but don't want to start a thread.

I have/had a friend, let's call him A. I've known A for over 40 years and initially we got on very well indeed, though the friendship was always platonic. He was part of shared houses and flats and we spent a lot of time together. In the last ten years or so he's started to annoy me and I did my best to brush aside the annoyances, but they've reached a point where I can't do that any more. Now, sadly, he's married a woman who is Super Woke and he's gone woke too. We haven't seen much of each other since they've been together, but he visited last summer and made me so cross that after he left, we both scrubbed the kitchen from top to bottom and then completely redecorated. It was a sort of purging of the space we'd spent most time sitting in.

It seems best to not end things formally, as that would upset everyone, but just quietly let the relationship go. Thing is, I dread him getting in touch and really hope he doesn't.

Has anyone here experience of this? How did you handle it?

I don't know where to ask, but has anyone here ever sold their art (digital scans)?

Last week I sent some of my watercolours (of buildings in my hometown) to be embiggened and printed at a local printshop, and the staff member said that they were so nice that if I did some of the local area, they would probably sell! I wasn't sure if she was just being polite to a customer and got all embarrassed and scuttled off. So now, being all British, I feel like I can never go back and ask.

Go back and ask!

Oh, cross-posted with @Tricyrtis2022. Sympathies on your situation!

If it was me, I'd weigh up whether quietly dropping him would affect any other relationships in your friendship circle. If not, then I'd go with just subtly being unavailable every time he makes contact, until he gets the message.

@Tricyrtis2022 ... It seems best to not end things formally, as that would upset everyone, but just quietly let the relationship go. Thing is, I dread him getting in touch and really hope he doesn't.

By "last summer", do you mean 2022? If you haven't heard from him in a year or more, maybe you won't?

Thanks both.

No, it wouldn't make any difference as, since he's re-married, he's dropped nearly everyone in his friendship circle. Yeah, being unavailable was what someone else said and it's good advice, I'll go with that. His wife is very pushy and has sent me a couple of 'I want to see you!' messages but they've been ignored.

Gonners, yes, last year. There have been long gaps in communications before but I'm hoping this is for real this time.

I can't! I feel mortified just thinking about it - "Hello, did you really mean that people might buy my lovely art or were you just being polite?" Nopity-nopity-nope.

Could you take another piece in for enlarging and see if anything's said this time?

No, it wouldn't make any difference as, since he's re-married, he's dropped nearly everyone in his friendship circle.

Sounds like a perfect situation for the quiet subtle backing away, then!

Could you take another piece in for enlarging and see if anything's said this time?

I don't need any more pieces printed for the foreseeable - just did two for hanging on the living room wall, having been saying (since we moved in 7 years ago) "We need to put some art on that wall" and then DH said we can't afford to buy art.

Sounds like a perfect situation for the quiet subtle backing away, then!

Yes, I think I needed reassurance as I've never ended a friendship this long, though I'm not sure it's been a friendship for a while now. It's been winding me up something horrible.

Any chance of a glimpse of one of the paintings? I'm sure they're lovely.

Pulling up a pew very quietly. I've been lurking for a while, very Halloweenily...

I think it is really tough accepting that such a long-standing friendship has run its course. But realistically, people change, or life gets in the way, or things like that. I have a few friends in that drifting-away category; when I think that I've "lost" them it does feel sort of desolate, but at the same time I recognise that we wouldn't have drifted apart in the first place if the friendship had been significant enough to either of us.

My paintings are as follows.

Those are gorgeous, I love them. I agree with whoever at the print shop said they could sell copies.

But realistically, people change, or life gets in the way, or things like that.

You're right. Me and him have moved so far apart compared to how we were back in the old days and he's pretty much a different person. He used to be fun to be around and we could have all sorts of fascinating, out-there discussions. That all stopped when he started going on corporate management courses and he started taking on the veneer of the those he worked around in the corporate world. Then he went Woke and turned horribly condescending. Plus, he was on his phone all the damned time when he was here last year, even at breakfast, which seriously pissed me off. He's no loss, is he.