Partners home smells musty

[Leoliving]

Hi,

I’ve moved in with my partner and he’s not the most domesticated. This has been a struggle as I was taught to clean from a young age and I’m generally very house proud. He’s never been shown how to properly clean things so I’ve shown him how to do certain things. He’s been very receptive and is a lot better now. He’s not a slob per se but has slobbish tendencies which are thankfully improving after living alone for some years. His home tends to get dusty which aggravates my allergies. He also wasn’t properly ventilating by opening windows as he didn’t want his pet to escape. Pet is no longer with us so the animal smell has gone but there’s a musty odour that persists. We’re going to do a deep clean this week so I was wondering if there’s anything in particular we can do to get rid of it once and for all and quickly? I really don’t like the smell and it clings to my clothes and hair. We’ve cleaned the carpet and the sofa and I’ve bought a steamer in the hope that will help. Also going to get a second dehumidifier for downstairs as we dry clothes indoors due to no garden. I’ve checked and there’s no mould. Any tips would be greatly appreciated

Have the carpets and furniture professionally cleaned. Wash the curtains. Take clothes to the launderette to dry. Dont have damp washing in the house.

He’s never been shown how to properly clean things
im sure an adult could have worked this out for himself.

He’s never been shown how to properly clean things

WTF. I have never been shown how to clean things properly. Surely unless he has some additional needs, he can work these things out?!

Keep windows open daily and allow air to circulate. Damp dust regularly, move furniture and vacuum and declutter behind furniture. Get rid of and replace existing cushion pads, pillows and quilts with new ones.

If you deep clean now, you will be the cleaning during this relationship.

He will deny being able to see or smell anything wrong.

Wash carpets professionally
wash sofa coverings in the wash or get done professionally
get oven cleaned professionally
clean washing machine (high temperature empty cycle) & wipe down inside drum / plastic bit tray etc
wash curtains
wash coats etc
wash bed linen/ cushion covers (basically anything that is fabric
wash duvet / pillows
dust entire house
Clean bathroom / kitchen - put bleach down sink/ toilets
wash bins
Keep all windows open
buy a diffuser/ candles

Thanks for all the tips. I know I shouldn’t have to show him and to be honest I really resented it at the time but it’s just not one of his strengths. He’s good at plenty of other things and there are things I’m not great at. He’s a fantastic partner other than this and to his credit he has been very receptive and has shown willingness to learn as he was embarrassed he didn’t know certain things. It’s because of this I decided to push through. If he was stroppy/refused to see it as an issue then I wouldn’t have bothered. We also share the cleaning so it’s not all left to me.

He won't change. You have now become his house maid. Good luck.

If the musty smell persists, it could be a problem with damp somewhere.

Get a cleaner. Get a deep clean and then regular cleaning. Between you there should be some financial savings now you are living on one home.

Could it be coming from under the floorboards? Sometimes the vents get blocked and it becomes horrible and damp under the ground floor. Try lifting a floorboard in each room and see if the smell is coming from there.

It’ll probably be damp which isn’t necessarily a cleaning issue - it could be structural.

Btw being a ‘house proud’ female is not a power dynamic to brag about when you’ve been left sorting out the cleanliness of the home of your male partner.

Have you had one of those industrial carpet cleaners from HSS or similar?

Other than that, windows need to be open every single day. I like the German approach of aggressive airing (stoßlüften).

I think pet smells might be quite persistent though.

If it is damp, it is more than likely caused by drying clothes inside and not ventilating the house.

Get a condenser tumble dryer if you can.

Where exactly did I brag? I simply stated I’m house proud. And did you miss the part where I said he’s keen to learn and we share the cleaning? I guess that doesn’t suit the narrative you’ve built in your head. A lot of women and men aren’t good at cleaning. He wasn’t initially and he has gotten a lot better.

I think the pet smell is part of the issue. It was very strong when the pet was here so I guess it’ll take time for it to fully disappear

Did you also miss the part where I said he’s changed as he was embarrassed he didn’t know how to properly clean? Some people aren’t good at certain things. Yes he should know how to do it but he didn’t. He does now though which is the main thing. I asked for changed behaviour and I got it but thanks for your unhelpful comment

I suppose the ‘proud’ word. You’re right it’s a narrative in my head. I hate this idea that young girls are taught to be ‘house proud’ good little housewives so that they can good little domestic slaves to lazy men. It’s good that he’s sharing the cleaning but in a joint household that’s exactly as it should be.

I wasn't taught a damned thing at home but my house is still neat and tidy and smells nice.
Quite honestly I couldn't move in with anyone who couldn't keep house properly.

I agree with you OP that your partner is being unfairly criticised.

I find it a little contradictory that he is a slob for not knowing much about cleaning, but a woman who has taken an interest in cleaning well is a domestic slave.

I've learned loads about cleaning over the years. I don't have time to do it as much as I probably would ideally like, but I understand more about what kind of cleaners are needed to deal with different jobs. I definitely know more about ventilation now. It doesn't mean that my younger self was a slob.

Again, the narrative in your head simply doesn’t align with reality. I wasn’t taught to clean to be a domesticated housewife. I was taught because my mother (high flyer in the legal profession if it matters) is and always has been house proud. My brother was taught the same as me. cleaning wasn’t a gendered task in our home. I have a career in finance, i’m not spending my days cleaning after my partner.

Thank you. I’ll admit it was frustrating that he had to be shown what to do, but so often on here women complain about their partners flaws and how they won’t change. I’ve clearly stated he has changed but it still isn’t good enough for some it seems? This is a man who is kind, hard working, patient and so loving. Him not knowing how to deep clean wasn’t worth not being with him especially since he admitted he was lacking in this area and was keen to learn.

Good for you I guess? I started this thread so I could figure out how to get rid of a musty smell. How on earth is this comment helpful?

Some people don’t understand that keeping clean and having a nice house can be tied up with self esteem and how well a child was nurtured or not. It’s great if people have overcome neglect or lack of nurture all by themselves but not everyone can. What matters surely is that he’s trying and learning now and doing his fair share.

I recommend cleaning all the woodwork and doors and cupboard fronts too as it’s surprising how much grease smells can cling to paint. Also paint the walls maybe.

Some men do also have a musky smell (sometimes health related) so hot washing all the cushions and headboard etc. Replace things if necessary.

If it’s musty from damp then some things will never lose their bad smell so be ruthless now rather than put up with it.

Thank you. We’ve ordered sugar soap and will clean all the woodwork. We’ve discussed it and will repaint next week as the house could do with it.