Op, folks are just going on what you wrote. Honestly a home so smelly it actually lingers in your hair and clothes as you said, is really quite extreme. Hence the reactions.
we bought our home from some elderly people who had lived here over 4 decades. It had that musty smell. Not so much it was in our clothes and hair, but I could smell it really strongly, when I came in, or walked into different rooms. I was also paranoid by it and had diffusers, candles etc to try to disguise it as we dealt with it. No amount of airing out would have got rid of it, but airing was also important. I kept saying god my house smells 😂
it took not just replacing the soft furnishings like curtains and blinds, which were old and smelly, having the carpets cleaned professionally,and our clean furniture like sofas being brought in etc, but also redecorating, the walls had not been painted in decades, and walls do get dirty. Take a wet cloth over one and see. We also had to replace the kitchen and bathroom, not just because of the smell, but due to age and lack of function.
I guess now it just smells of us, but I’m still very sensitive to it, and usually have essential oil diffusers on , pumping out vanilla, ylang ylang, amber, bergamot etc. whatever mix I fancy that day, and then light scented candles in the evening. I also have the carpets cleaned professionally annually, same as blinds and curtains, and regularly launder the cushion covers, throws etc.
so I do get why it’s an issue for you, where I part ways though is I’d struggle to be with someone whose house left a bad smell on my hair and clothes, without ensuring that was dealt with before I moved in or was going to spend any time there.
you will get there, but it will take time, money and effort.