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Do I message my mother asking about my nans stamps , been NC 25 years

79 replies

fabmaccawhackythumbsaloft · 14/09/2023 20:04

I posted a few days ago about my nans stamp collection.

It was a large rare and valuable collection and the day after she died my mother and her brother went into the house and took the lot . My Nan had 3 other children , when one of them turned up and tried to stop them she was hit in the face by my mother who said she was getting them valued and selling them.

Following this my mothers brother contacted the other siblings saying take no notice and that he had them for "safe keeping "

Well he died a couple of months ago , his dd told me she would return the stamps using me as a go between

Long story short - they weren't there . It looks like they did exactly as my mother said and sold them but only split the processes between themselves.

My mother is a hateful human being . A truly evil piece of work . I cannot begin to explain how awful a human she is here . But she really the cruelest, meanest , most vindictive and bitter person I've ever met. She's poison.

I've tried desperately to let it go . My Nan raised me and it hurt that her beloved collection was sold in this way and didn't go to the people she wanted it to go to. It really should have stayed in the family, it was her life's work and her fathers before her .

I've found my mother on fb. I'm so tempted to send a message asking how much she got for the stamps . She tried about 10 years ago to engage me on fb but I said I wished her no harm but didn't want a relationship with her. She has zero concept of her actions toward me as a child but dismissed it all as water under the bridge. I had ptsd from things she did to me as a child and had to have rewind therapy to even talk about it .

Should I do it? Should I ask where the stamps went ? Deep down I know but she is never ever held to account . She is in her mid 70s now and hopefully something will befall her soon if there is a god .

It's playing on my mind . I want her to know I know what she did. I want her to tell me . I've no intention of further contact.

What would you do if you were me .

OP posts:
PlantDoctor · 14/09/2023 20:08

I honestly wouldn't. You're better off now that you aren't in touch. Maybe you could discuss with your therapist if you still see one?

FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse · 14/09/2023 20:08

Your nan’s pride and joy wasn’t the stamp collection, it was raising you to be the person that you are. Your mother is awful, the stamps are gone, it’s a horrible loss that you will need to grieve, but your Nan lives on in you. Keep your distance. Hold your head high. Be all you can be.

I’m so sorry your mother wasn’t better. It’s not fair. It’s not right. I wish I could make it easier for you.

flapjackfairy · 14/09/2023 20:10

Stay NC . No good can possibly come of it.

fabmaccawhackythumbsaloft · 14/09/2023 20:13

I've been out of therapy for years now. The rewind is specifically for PTSD and it did take the emotional response out of the memories. Now when I remember things it's like watching it from someone else's perspective and doesn't trigger the reaction it used to do.

She should have been prosecuted and so,should the disgusting vile creature she married but he's dead now.

I've been fine all these years but this is the cruelest blow and has stirred up feelings within me , it the injustice that someone so foul got to profit from something so pure.

OP posts:
Ascendant15 · 14/09/2023 20:15

Leave it alone. If your nan wanted specific things to go to people after her death she should have left a will stipulating that. If she didn't, then it may not be what she wanted, but her things went to her children. And then they can do what they want with them. But no matter how much she loved them, they are just things. Your happy memories are worth more. Hang on to them.

fabmaccawhackythumbsaloft · 14/09/2023 20:20

She left written instructions but not a will.. we all knew what she wanted . It didn't happen .

The son also had unbeknown to all , her ashes. His dd found them clearing his house and without saying anything she scattered her ashes with his .

Not with her husband . I'm trying to maintain dignity and I refuse to fall out with his dd . We've spent a day together and when she told me about the ashes I swallowed my feelings and said good that she has been scattered somewhere beautiful. I mean it was her ashes , not her .

But those stamps meant so much to her . She was poor her whole life and sitting on a gold mine but would never have sold them .

Those utter bastards, it feels like they've pissed on her grave that's how much it's got to me .

OP posts:
Uptheredontcare · 14/09/2023 20:21

I understand exactly how you feel. If it was me I'd probably have to say something. Get it off my chest then never speak to her again.

CinnamonBear · 14/09/2023 20:23

You need to let this go. There is a reason you don't have a relationship with these people. I don't know what response you are expecting, but you aren't going to get it.

wayyour · 14/09/2023 20:44

Completely understand why you're angry, and I'd be tempted to say something too, but it might be better to let it go now.

Flowers
AliceMcK · 14/09/2023 20:46

Don’t engage, she’s not worth it and it will give her pleasure knowing how upset you are. As already said above, your Nans joy was you not the stamps xx

Theblacksheepandme · 14/09/2023 20:54

I would do nothing OP. I would advise you to start up therapy again. Therapy doesn't have to be final. You may need to go again. I completely understand why you are so upset by this but contacting your Mother will not help.

Thatsmorethanhalf · 14/09/2023 20:54

I think you are right and that you already know the answer to your question, so I’m not sure that hearing her admit the truth is going to improve anything for you really. It is very sad when people do not make a will because it can lead to situations like yours.

fabmaccawhackythumbsaloft · 14/09/2023 20:55

Ok I hear you all. Thanks .

OP posts:
fabmaccawhackythumbsaloft · 14/09/2023 20:56

I'll re block ,

OP posts:
FictionalCharacter · 14/09/2023 20:57

Don’t contact her. She’ll only hurt you again. It’s very unlikely she’d tell you the truth.

fabmaccawhackythumbsaloft · 14/09/2023 21:10

So weird I've just gone on fb and up pops a pic of me with my Nan on my wedding day - she never ever let anyone take photos of her but this was an exception.

I guess she's popped up at the right time to remind me of her love and what matters . I loved her beyond words. I feel like she's telling me what to do. And what matters .

OP posts:
WeeOrcadian · 14/09/2023 21:23

I'm NC with my own egg donor (that's all she is to me) and my life has been SO much better since

I was in a similar situation (death, thefts) and I've managed to rise above it, somehow, and just put my faith in karma.

Contacting her won't make any positive changes to your life - she's a cunt and she likely always will be

justthecat · 14/09/2023 21:37

No don't , my mother was as yours ,best left alone . Don't bring her back into your life

fiddlesticksandotherwords · 14/09/2023 21:46

The best person to ask her would be your cousin, your mother's brother's dd who looked for the stamps after his death and couldn't find them. She wants to know who's got them.

There's no point in you doing it, your mother will just take the opportunity to abuse you yet again, and it is unlikely she would tell you the truth anyway.

fabmaccawhackythumbsaloft · 14/09/2023 22:01

Thing is my cousin benefited financially so doubt she'll ask or want to know
The process were split between my mother and her father and now she's the beneficiary of his estate so she's in effect got that money

Said he had 100k cash in the house . I bet he did. 🤔

OP posts:
fabmaccawhackythumbsaloft · 14/09/2023 22:07

*proceeds

OP posts:
justthecat · 14/09/2023 22:17

No money equals your peace and sanity

Chunkyspunkymunkey · 15/09/2023 00:38

Let it go forever. Your Nan popped up in that picture for a reason- to remind you about what is important in life, love and family.

fabmaccawhackythumbsaloft · 15/09/2023 00:50

My cousin messaged me saying she hopes I don't think her father had anything to do with it

The fact is he took the albums with my mother and they went into his car .

He then lied saying he was keeping them safe .

I didn't know what to say . I said I didn't want to fall out.

OP posts:
Jobsharenightmare · 15/09/2023 00:57

I just wanted to say I'm sorry for your loss. I have posted about losing my Nan recently who raised me too. It's shit. Made even worse by people like that.