Do I message my mother asking about my nans stamps , been NC 25 years

[fabmaccawhackythumbsaloft]

I posted a few days ago about my nans stamp collection.

It was a large rare and valuable collection and the day after she died my mother and her brother went into the house and took the lot . My Nan had 3 other children , when one of them turned up and tried to stop them she was hit in the face by my mother who said she was getting them valued and selling them.

Following this my mothers brother contacted the other siblings saying take no notice and that he had them for "safe keeping "

Well he died a couple of months ago , his dd told me she would return the stamps using me as a go between

Long story short - they weren't there . It looks like they did exactly as my mother said and sold them but only split the processes between themselves.

My mother is a hateful human being . A truly evil piece of work . I cannot begin to explain how awful a human she is here . But she really the cruelest, meanest , most vindictive and bitter person I've ever met. She's poison.

I've tried desperately to let it go . My Nan raised me and it hurt that her beloved collection was sold in this way and didn't go to the people she wanted it to go to. It really should have stayed in the family, it was her life's work and her fathers before her .

I've found my mother on fb. I'm so tempted to send a message asking how much she got for the stamps . She tried about 10 years ago to engage me on fb but I said I wished her no harm but didn't want a relationship with her. She has zero concept of her actions toward me as a child but dismissed it all as water under the bridge. I had ptsd from things she did to me as a child and had to have rewind therapy to even talk about it .

Should I do it? Should I ask where the stamps went ? Deep down I know but she is never ever held to account . She is in her mid 70s now and hopefully something will befall her soon if there is a god .

It's playing on my mind . I want her to know I know what she did. I want her to tell me . I've no intention of further contact.

What would you do if you were me .

I think you need to go NC for a while. I seriously do think you should go to counselling again. Do you have genuine, good people in you life you can talk to?

It's difficult, I don't have much contact with cousin but she seems to believe her dad couldn't have done it , the facts are that he went with my mother and took her stamps . They were loaded into HIS car then he lied saying he had them when he clearly didn't . If he was complicit in the theft then I can only assume he benefited financially and perhaps his dd didn't know anything about it. So must seem to her like I'm being accusatory towards her father . Which I am I suppose.

We haven't had contact in person for years . Weekend was first time I'd seen her in over 10 years. I'd like to be friends but if not I'll live .
I don't hold her in any way responsible but I can't pretend it hasn't happened either . She might think the sun shines it if her late dads arse but I nans other children don't hold that same view .

I think I'll get past it without counselling, the only people who really understand are the two living kids of my Nan who I was brought up with , I thought I was over it but his has just raked it all up again . I thought they'd gone then we got this message saying they were there and were being brought to me and I wanted to believe it and then when I realised it was a lie it brought it all back .

There is nothing worse than something or someone triggering all those feelings you thought you had dealt with. It can take a while for those feelings to settle again. The most important thing is to allow yourself those feelings but to try nit to wallow in them. I feel like I could drown in those feelings sometimes.

Did you post on the wrong thread?

Block, do not re engage. Tell the cousin you no longer have any interest in talking about the stamps and are moving on from it all. And then do that. Consider going back to counselling for a few reset sessions.

The least your cousin could do is give you some of the 100k she found in the house.

I'm sorry, it sounds awful, but you really do have to let it go. Unfortunately a list of who your Nan wanted things to go to holds no weight, it should have been in her will. There is nothing you can do, and contacting your mother is not going to fix things.

Why do people do this ?

I'm on "the internet " more at the moment due to chronic illness. Lost of people post on mn .

I aren't combative

I assume you're doing a wee bit of stalking/ reviewing every post / jumping to conclusions/ enjoy being self righteous/

Ironic that your post is extremely combative in a passive aggressive way.

That will never happen.

What are you on ?

People are free to post on here . I am free to post on here

I'd like people to look at my previous activity now you brought it up because I've answered threads about would your dog defend you on a walk saying I have a terrier that tries to fight the tv and a another dog that has defended me

The lady with the dd with cancer , I said why do people post cunty replies

The woman asking about a teacher hitting her child I've said I have investigated allegations which turned out to be untrue and also got wff on my face when I went into school once about something my so said which turned out not to be true

My other post about the stamps

A bbq in an afternoon (my only thread on aibu)

A thread about the govt consolidation of a dog ban

Stitch fix closing ( my combative post on their was about a hideous jump
Suit which makes me look like Jimmy cranky)

Podcasts threads (x2)

A joke reply on the woman that wa insulted by the bloke on OLD she dated

Spider threads

Whewe was I on 9/11

First aid advice for a
Woman burned after grabbing a hot
Pan

I could go on - but how exactly have you formed that opinion from the mundane stuff I mostly post ?

Like let it go. For your own sanity the collection is gone and why would you contact your mother or someone whom you are not in contact with.

the whole lot of them sound toxic. Why are you contacting your cousin

concentrate on you and your family/friends who are real and good to you. Don’t waste time with toxic people.

your Nan would not want you to hold on to this anger, live your best life for her and move forward

Oh aren't you clever !

You think you're some detective running around with absolutely nothing better to do that use those amazing skills you have to
Try and out previous user names .

Very good .

And you called me combative and with nothing better to do than waste time in the internet?

I've posted here for advice about some very painful personal issues.

I'm sure what you just did there is probably against talk guidelines . So I won't be the one Getting deleted .

Don’t post while you are drinking. It’s never a good idea.

Since I'm on 3 months worth of antibiotics for tb I am drinking nothing stronger than smoothies. And its 9am .

What's wrong with people ?

Are you not able to see the value of an online thread as a place to offload some of your worries, without the awkwardness of having to confide in friends or family? Some people don’t have anyone to talk to in real life and need to vent somewhere to stop it all from whirling around in their heads. Stop being a cunt.

The fact that people are using my name is making me feel very uncomfortable and vulnerable.

Or are you abbrev what you think is a former user name ?

What are you trying to do please?

Are you someone who has recognised me in RL ? In which case you'll know I am not in the least combative
Or
Someone being clever and trying to out what they think are previous names ?

Either way it's not exactly in the spirit of either this post or the forum wider in principle.

I don't understand the aim .

@fabmaccawhackythumbsaloft
Sadly, you’ll get nothing positive out of contacting your mother. Ok, you’ll get to say your piece, but her response (whatever that is) won’t bring you any satisfaction. She is unlikely to be remorseful - judging from how you’ve described her. She’ll either ignore you, which will frustrate you. Or she’ll argue with you, which draws you back into her world. Or she’ll say something hurtful, which will stir up more negativity for you.
The best thing you can do is to work on accepting this, however disgusting and unfair it is. Your Nan would not want you to be living with anger and resentment.

No. No good can come of this. I take it you aren't after a split of any proceedings raised by selling the collection - so just let it go. Don't think on any of it again .