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Original poster

If someone told you they had bipolar

94 replies

LemonDifficultLemon · 13/09/2023 23:42

If an acquaintance, for example a parent at school, told you they had bipolar, how would it affect how you view them? Would you be happy for your children to go to their house as normal? Would you feel less comfortable around them? Looking for honest answers (even if blunt), rather than trying to spare feelings!

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Physiologicalmalfunction · 13/09/2023 23:43

My brother has bipolar. he is the loveliest person I know.

Hermittrismegistus · 13/09/2023 23:58

It wouldn't bother me but that's because I have bipolar.

Why would you want to tell an acquaintance about it though?

Fudgeandcaramel · 14/09/2023 00:01

No problem from my perspective.

KermitTheSecond · 14/09/2023 00:02

I have bipolar, a senior level job and two young children so no, wouldn't bother me.

Gilead · 14/09/2023 00:05

Wouldn’t bother me. I’m autistic.

Barleysugar86 · 14/09/2023 00:14

i know people with bipolar disorder and it would be a consideration for me and I would want to know, not to avoid them but to maybe mentally check their moods, particularly if I feel like they might struggle with the kids in a down phase.

But then I am likely skewed by my experiences with someone who has attempted suicide multiple times when in their deep depressive stage.

I think the key would be to be upfront about what it means for you, and reassure that it doesn't impact on your parenting if it doesn't. Your confidence and straight talking would be reassuring to me. I fully expect bipolar disorder is probably on a spectrum like autism with some people probably widely more affected with it than others.

Original poster
LemonDifficultLemon · 14/09/2023 00:23

@Hermittrismegistus it’s not really that I want to tell them, it’s just when things come up and I have to lie rather than say the really reason is having bipolar. I guess I don’t want to feel like it’s something I have to hide. I wouldn’t go out of my way to tell someone but just want to feel comfortable saying it if the situation arose. An example could be if someone asked if I planned to go back to full time work, the real answer is no because I can’t manage my condition and work full time, but I would generally make up some other reason.

I guess I’d like to normalise it because hiding and making excuses doesn’t make me feel great. However, I’ve had bad experiences of telling people (friends, family) in the past, so that puts me off, but I feel like there’s a big part of my life that’s kept ‘secret’ like it’s something to be ashamed of.

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Scienceadvisory · 14/09/2023 00:23

I would be wondering why they had told me and hoping they weren't trying to turn me into their therapist. I don't understand why people overshare. I have depression but don't feel the need to broadcast it.

Scienceadvisory · 14/09/2023 00:25

Sorry, crosspost. In your situation I wouldn't have a problem with you mentioning it as it relates to the conversation.

Original poster
LemonDifficultLemon · 14/09/2023 00:25

@Scienceadvisory I don’t feel the need to broadcast it.

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Fantina · 14/09/2023 00:30

The one person I know who has announced that she has bipolar came as no surprise to me as she is very erratic. Unrelated go the bipolar, she is not a nice person and because of that I don’t like her based on her behaviour towards others in our community. However her DD is the most loveliest of children and my DD and her are very close and I have no qualms about her going to her house for tea as I do not feel that she is at any risk of harm in any way.

I arrive about what a previous poster said. I’d be cautious about over sharing your condition as there’s a lot of stereotypes around it, probably including in my post and I’m not sure what you have to gain.

Fantina · 14/09/2023 00:30

Unrelated to bipolar

Original poster
LemonDifficultLemon · 14/09/2023 00:31

Another example could be if someone asks ‘what are you up to this evening’, if I’m going to my bipolar support group, I would lie and say I’m meeting friends or something, this always makes me uneasy but maybe it’s better to keep doing this. I’d love things like bipolar and other stigmatised conditions to be more accepted but I don’t feel like I’m doing my bit for this! I don’t want to mention it if it makes people uncomfortable or damages relationships (even if they’re only surface level ones), or it impacts my child by people not wanting their children to come over for example.

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Original poster
LemonDifficultLemon · 14/09/2023 00:34

@Fantina thats my concern - the stereotypes, but I’m also feeding into them in a way by not being open and helping to change the stereotypes

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Fantina · 14/09/2023 00:37

I think you are putting too much presume on yourself - it’s not your job to destigmatise the condition. If I was you, my very close and trusted friends would know but I probably wouldn’t say anything to anyone else. But I am personally very private, despite appearing to be an extrovert.

TheBeesKnee · 14/09/2023 00:38

I think it depends tbh. I do think some people overshare and I'd feel weary as to why they were disclosing this. I have a colleague who overshares his issues and calls in sick a lot. You can bet as soon as he mentions one of his many conditions you'll be picking up his work the following day/week.

I would just wonder why they told me - attention?

Very different if a friend told me, I must stress this.

MaMisled · 14/09/2023 00:40

I have bipolar disorder and am the absolute go to for my family and friends for childcare, emotional support, secrets and a good night out. If I'm sliding into an episode everyone but me can see it and they dodge me for a while.

Sinead4ever · 14/09/2023 00:41

Someone i know well is bipolar - their partner told me - doesnt change how i think of them at all -but does explain a few difficulties they have had - but its a personal think - i think mental health problem is a good way to talk about it - its a pretty personal thong

Original poster
LemonDifficultLemon · 14/09/2023 00:46

I can see where people are coming from with the idea of over sharing and it being personal. Not sure about it not being my job to de-stigmatise - I feel like I’m part of the whole ‘brush mental health issues under the carpet’ mentality that should be outdated!

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WandaWonder · 14/09/2023 00:46

No offense but I don't see why people need to know as in if I had dandruff I don't see why people need to know that unless the topic of 'has anyone had dranduff?'comes up so would being bipolar be any different?

change dandruff to anything, it is not for me hiding it it is just why do people actually need to know?

OrderOfTheKookaburra · 14/09/2023 00:46

I wouldn't tell people who are just casual acquaintances. If you told me as a casual acquaintance I'd wonder if you were telling me because it's actually a big deal and I NEED to be aware. If it wasn't a big deal and being managed just fine, why would I, as an acquaintance, need to know?!

Calling your support group a "group of friends" is not really a lie? They ARE friendly supportive people?

Re going back to work full time, it's just something to keep a conversation going. Just reply with "I'm not sure, working part time really suits me right now. Who knows?!" And leave it there.

100% honesty is overrated. Everyone is entitled to privacy and if the truth is marginally stretched in order to give that privacy then that is fine. Just keep your answers vague.

OrderOfTheKookaburra · 14/09/2023 00:49

I'd feel the same about any medical condition, btw, not just mental health ones.

I don't NEED to know if someone is taking blood pressure medication, or had cancer 3 years ago and still has scans, or had a tooth removed at the dentist, had a miscarriage, had a hysterectomy, etc, etc either!

Original poster
LemonDifficultLemon · 14/09/2023 00:50

@WandaWonder to me it’s not that people need to know, more that I feel uneasy about hiding it. But again, don’t want to shift that unease to other people!

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Original poster
LemonDifficultLemon · 14/09/2023 00:51

@MaMisled that’s really nice to hear

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Original poster
LemonDifficultLemon · 14/09/2023 00:54

@OrderOfTheKookaburra can definitely see what you mean, I think the difference for me is the stigma - no one needs to know about my dental issues but if I did tell someone I got a filling it wouldn’t be a big deal. I guess with things like cancer though it would be quite a heavy topic for the school pick up and maybe bipolar is in the same boat in terms of being a bit much for those situations!

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