If someone told you they had bipolar

[LemonDifficultLemon]

If an acquaintance, for example a parent at school, told you they had bipolar, how would it affect how you view them? Would you be happy for your children to go to their house as normal? Would you feel less comfortable around them? Looking for honest answers (even if blunt), rather than trying to spare feelings!

That's really sad to read. I have bipolar 2 and I absolutely adore everyone in my circle and their children, I love and protect them like they were my own.

@RenegadeMasterx and while I’m sure you’re an amazing person it’s not a chance I can take with my children. ExP has a brother with bipolar, he ‘kidnapped’ our eldest while off his medication. I’d never ever take that risk again.

Sad that you say this when you have unipolar depression yourself. My bipolar is 99.9% depression. I would never ever put anyone in harms way & infact I'm the person everyone comes to for help and support whether it's a chat or childcare.

I have experience in my family of bipolar. I would judge every situation on my experience with that particular person. If l knew they had bipolar and were erratic with their meds l would be cautious around having my children there . I would be very wary of a manic high as l have very traumatic experiences of this. But if the person was obviously stable and trustworthy l wouldn't give it a thought. As a friend it wouldn't worry me one bit but leaving children in their care would depend on how l experienced them. But that would be the same with every person l met.
However due to my own personal experience l struggle big time with people with bipolar who don't take their prescribed medication.

You’ve just broadcasted it though..

Would you ever leave your children with someone who drinks alcohol sometimes? Because my mum has a problem with alcohol and once “kidnapped” my eldest while drunk. I still leave her with people who drink sometimes, just not people who are drunk or currently struggling with alcoholism. The risk is similar. People with bipolar disorder are not always ill. They don’t usually become Ill overnight when they’ve previously been taking their medication and stable.

In all honesty as a friend I wouldn’t judge and I’d be supportive but would draw a line re my children unless you were very stable. I have grown up with a parent with serious mental health issues and wouldn’t expose my own children to that voluntarily. Sadly, I’ve seen too often that many people with bipolar do struggle with control going from fairly extreme highs to lows. But, there are equally lots of people who are very stable on meds and you wouldn’t have a clue there was something else going on.

Thinking more are people wanting to be treated differently? If people say no they want to normalise it then how is telling people you have it normalising it?

If everyone who had it told everyone they had it then what? What is the overall plan?

@Dotcomma i think if you asked 100 people with bipolar what it is like they would each give different answers. I also have type 2 so the depression is the main problem. Mine goes in 3 year cycles. I will be well and completely normal for two years then extremely depressed for one year. Before I get depressed I have a couple of weeks of mild mania where I am like a Duracell bunny, the house is spotless I barely sit down but don’t do anything dangerous.
I am on heavy doses of medication which mean I have gained lots of weight and it makes it very difficult to lose any.
I have also had very difficult periods where doctors persuaded me to try this that and the other drugs none of which worked. I now have one drug which helps a bit but doesn’t stop the cycle.
Only those closest to me know so that is my DH and group of old school friends. My mother doesn’t know though I guess she suspects, but she was abusive so possibly the reason I have it. The only other people I will eventually tell are my children, partly in case they ever get ill. At the moment as young teens we just tell them I am feeling depressed when I am.

If someone told me they had bipolar I would be pleased that they had felt able to tell me. People with mental health problems continue to face discrimination and misunderstanding from others.
A person with bi polar does not become a walking condition, they continue to be uniquely themselves with a condition that they manage. It would occur to me to distance myself or feel fear unless there were other reasons for that. People are whole and can not be reduced to to just an illness that they have. As others have said people with a diagnosis of bi polar often experience depression as a primary problem. Even when someone does experience periods of mania the risk is most often to themselves, not others.

My mum has it. I would be fine with someone with bipolar supervising my DC.

I’ve got bipolar but I manage it really well, hold down a full time managerial/teaching job, hobbies etc.

The people closest to me and work know, but that’s it. I don’t feel like I’m lying when I don’t talk about it to everyone. Every person has something going on. I just don’t feel like it’s anyone else’s business.

OP, I'm sorry I didn't mean to be insensitive, it's just I suppose I'm fairly well versed in mental health issues. Bipolar, like most conditions, presents across a scale as you know and it shouldn't cause alarm.

I suppose I'm subconsciously cross as some peoples ignorance and lack of understanding and ability to educate themselves.

Sending love.

It’s not about everyone telling everyone, it’s about not feeling shame and hiding it and not feeling scared to tell people because of what their reaction might be. It’s normalising it by it not being this big whole thing that you only divulge in certain circumstances because it’s something that should be ‘hush hush’. That leads to shame on the person with the condition which isn’t that helpful for coming to terms with who they are.

It’s up to the individual if they want to share, just like anything. But those that want to share feel like they can’t for fear of reactions - that’s the issue I guess.

"isn’t that helpful for coming to terms with who they are."

I have bipolar II and it's not 'who I am'.

It's not a big deal to some people, if well managed. It's part of my life but just an illness. I have PCOS and it's got nothing to do with my identity either.

You're making it a bigger deal than it needs to be.

@Cola2023 I understand where you’re coming from, but for me it is part of who I am; it massively shapes what I can and can’t do, it’s changed my career, my decision to not to have more children, even smaller things like meeting friends are impacted as I try and avoid things that might make me unstable so I stick to a routine. Who I was, was a spontaneous, fun person, I can’t be like that now if I want to stay stable unfortunately (I’ve tried!). I find hiding such a big part of who am I really difficult so I wanted to gauge people’s opinions to see what it might be like not to hide it. I appreciate for you that’s not a big deal but it’s something I struggle with a lot.

Several people close to me have bipolar including family members.

If I was going to send my child to their house, I would want to know how they were feeling and whether they were/ had recently been unwell. I'd want to know that they had good self awareness and would do the right thing with the children if they started to feel unwell (i.e. find someone else to care for them).

Through experience, I think it is naive to say it doesn't have any bearing on anything. When the people I know with bipolar are unwell, they are not safe to look after children.

@Cola2023 Also I agree I am probably overthinking it! I had a few years where bipolar impacted me so little, I even forgot I had it sometimes! It’s not been like that for the last year and a half though, it’s been a huge thing in my life, which I guess is why I feel like this about ‘hiding’ it.

I could have written that but probably not as well as you have, I just wondered how others feel and how they cope 😉