If someone told you they had bipolar

[LemonDifficultLemon]

If an acquaintance, for example a parent at school, told you they had bipolar, how would it affect how you view them? Would you be happy for your children to go to their house as normal? Would you feel less comfortable around them? Looking for honest answers (even if blunt), rather than trying to spare feelings!

No, it wouldn't matter. But I'd find it a bit weird as a first-meeting conversation. I'd probably be a bit taken aback.

@OrderOfTheKookaburra I do stick with things similar to the truth like you outlined above. There’s still that reminder to me every time I do it though. Every time in my head I'm reminded ‘I have a condition I have to hide in case people will avoid me’ etc. It’s not a nice feeling to feel ashamed of who you are, but also equally not nice to be avoided or thought of as a danger (as per the stereotypes!)

@BertieBotts agree probably a bit much for a first meeting!

It would depend on the prior relationship I think. If you were a mum of a kid in my kid’s class, and we’re meeting for the first time: I would think you’re over sharing your private medical info and I don’t need to know. Nothing to do with mental health versus physical health. Just you don’t know me from Adam and vice versa, we may never talk again, why tell me.

If our kids had known each other for a bit and we stopped and chatted every now and then, I knew you to be a decent, nice, regular person etc and you randomly answered “any plans for tonight?” with “I’ve got my bipolar disorder support group tonight, always a stress doing dinner etc and getting out on time” I’d think WOW. In my mind you’re basically doing all the things I do PLUS with a disorder that might make it that much harder for you PLUS you’re open about it PLUS you’re nice. You’d go well up in my estimations!!

I can say this with confidence as almost this exact situation happened to me at the end of last term :). Totally agree with you OP, the more open people are the less of a stigma there will be.

You could always try just saying you have mental health issues. If people steer clear of you over saying something as vague as that, then you are better off without them. If people are interested + supportive, as you know them better, you may want to share more. You are still helping to break the stigma + there are no lies. Its a brief summary of the truth for strangers who don't need to know more. You could also say support group without biopolar at the begining if you wish to.
I find most strangers/acquantance are often just being polite + even if they ask, they don't really want to know about your medical history.
I have a condition called Functional Neurological Disorder (FND). People have rarely heard of it. I usually say I have a neurological disorder. Thats as much as most people want or need to know. FND takes some explaining + people don't have the time. It also faces a lot of prejudice from many medical professionals with outdated views that FND is made up or put on. I don't feel the need to put myself at risk of facing that prejudice. Those who are truely interested in you will ask more.

I just take it case by case OP. I got over the shame a long time ago and have zero problem saying I have bipolar if it's part of a relevant conversation. I don't walk around with a badge or announce it apropos nothing. Why would I?
But if I have refuse something because I'm going through a tough phase with it I'll tell the truth. I don't feel the need to volunteer my symptoms however. I don't care what anyone else thinks about bipolar nowadays.
It took me a good while to make peace with the diagnosis. Is this fairly new to you?

This. You sound lovely OP. I've had anxiety and depression for years - and I've worried a lot about things like this in the past. Ended up thinking it helps sort the wheat from the chaff - who needs judgey types in their life!

@Raincloudsonasunnyday I wish everyone would respond like this! It definitely wouldn’t be something that I would mention straightaway- I’m thinking more the parents I’ve known a couple of years because our children are friends and spend a lot of time together in/out of school. I just worry about rocking the boat as don’t want my children to miss out.

I would think nothing of it. My best friend is bipolar and I love her to bits.

@Weatherwax13 that’s exactly how I want to be. It’s not that new - about seven years since my diagnosis but I’ve struggled with accepting it and after an awful time last year I’m trying to work on that. I feel like having to hide it is holding me back from making peace with things

@Vallencia thank you, that means a lot. It stings when you realise people you like/love are the chaff though! (Also works the other way at least when someone pleasantly surprises you with their reaction.)

@LemonDifficultLemon I'm ten years from diagnosis. And it should have have happened eons before then. The psychiatrist who diagnosed me was actually horrified it hadn't been picked up and I remember she said it would've saved me so much heartache.
And if I think about it honestly it's been the last three years roughly that I've been able to accept it without some unfounded guilt and shame.
So that means I was actually at the same point time wise that you are now.
Maybe that gives you a little hope that it took me around 7 years to wrap my head around it so perhaps it'll be the same for you.

I completely understand where you are coming from. It isn't that you have a particulalry active desire to'share' but just that you feel uncomfortable with sometimes being cornered into colluding with the stigmatisation and secrecy that surrounds some conditions.

I would feel the same. In fact, I have two other stigmatised conditions - not ones that suffer the same degree of ignorant prejudice that is associated with bipolar, but still conditions that I don't always feel confident in broadcasting. One is alopecia (I wear a wig and never know when tl be upfrony about this) and the other is depression.

I have a halfway approach, in that if someone asks a question for which the truthful answer would involve revealing one of these conditions (like someone asking you what you are doing tonight when in fact you are off to your support group), I am truthful. But in other contexts I tend to be buttoned up.

To answer your question in your OP, if you told me you had bipolar it would not affect my view of you and I would still be very happy for my children to go to your house as normal. I would assume that you were wise and effective in managing your condition and avoiding anything that wasn't right for you.

I do think, though, that some people are dicks and don't deserve the truth.

It wouldn't bother me but I would probably want to know how I can help if I am close to them IE 'if you see me doing x I need you to y'

It wouldn’t bother me at all, I have a few family members with bi polar and I’d be happy to leave my DC with them so as long as I knew the person and was already happy to let my children be with them then it wouldn’t change my opinion in the slightest

I have bipolar II - I don't take medication (very allergic to all) but go to therapy. No history of hospitalisations, self harm or suicide.

I work full time in a professional job and have a mortgage. Never been on any benefits.

Some things are just stereotypes.

I don't really tell anyone nowadays. It's none of their business.

I think it’s being judicious in what you share and who you share it with…I’ve both worked in mental health and had mental health issues myself, as have my family. I probably fall into the oversharing camp as it is, being of the opinion that we are all likely to either know someone or experience mental health difficulties ourselves at some point in our life. However I also know that there are certain diagnoses that bring up certain prejudices or stereotypes for me . I would be more interested than anything but you may come across people who don’t react well or perhaps share it elsewhere without considering your feelings.

No
my husband was diagnosed this year.
it has helped my friends understand him better

My best friend has bipolar. You would know there was something because she has effects from the medication but she is the loveliest person ever.

I feel that I have a similar situation in that I experienced extensive childhood sexual abuse. I didn’t ever tell anyone at all.
now, I’ve made a deal with myself that, if I’m close enough to someone that they would know something important about me, I tell them,when relevant.
if I’m not, then I don’t, unless it arises in conversation. No more denying, also no more hearing CSA or survivors being as discussed as ‘other’.
it’s a rock and a hard place (my phone wants to say rock and a goat 🐐 lol 😂)
either collude and reinforce stereotypes or speak up and feel vulnerable.

Do you have a therapist to talk with about this sort of feeling?

The person I know who has bipolar controls it with lithium and does therapy every two weeks. She does not share her diagnosis with anyone except new HCPs/ anyone who needs to know what medications she currently takes. It's nobody's business but her own. Same goes for her endometriosis. We are close friends since we were teens and that's the only reason I know all this about her.

As a parent I would not need to know that a parent of a friend of my child's has a diagnosis of bipolar any more than I would need to know they had PMS or IBS or Crohns or any other chronic condition even if it affected mood or energy levels. I don't take it personally if someone can't join me on a night out. I don't need to know exactly why they can't.

I have to be honest, as someone with bipolar myself, I would be hesitant. My former best friend has bipolar and could be really abusive when manic (I'd go to bed to "you're the most wonderful supportive friend I've ever had I love you" texts then wake up to "you evil c-" texts, and wasn't allowed to be upset or complain because she was the victim and ill), and she wrote terrible letters to my boss during her last manic episode which nearly ended my entire career. It wasn't her normal personality at all, it was all the illness, but I had to end the friendship because otherwise the abuse would have killed me. I know the illness wasn't her fault but she chose to not take medication, knowing how frequently she had manic episodes severe enough to be Sectioned without them.

I have two friends with schizophrenia and one with psychosis, and they're all lovely, but only one is receiving proper treatment (the other two refuse to engage with MH services at all). The other two do put a huge burden on me. I know I'm not supposed to say that but it's true. I've had to hare across London at midnight to rescue friends and then had no way to get home (in a situational where I genuinely thought they'd be dead within hours if I didn't, and had previously had them crying on the floor begging and threatening suicide if I told anyone else), had them turning up at my house in the middle of the night not making sense asking to use my laptop as their own laptop was being monitored by "them." It's just living in fear 24/7.

And I know my own mental illness has been a huge burden to my other best friend, he once had a breakdown from stress and had to be hospitalised after I vanished and was declared a missing person and suicide risk and he believed I was dead.

I wouldn't have any issue working with someone with bipolar, or letting kids play with someone whose mother had bipolar, because I would assume someone who can hold down a job and raise kids is in treatment. But at this point I would be leery of a close friendship because I just can't cope with going through all that again.

Having said that, there's a huge difference between people like my friends, and someone who is in treatment and committed to managing their illness.

OP, you sound like a very open and honest person and while that is commendable there is no reason why your life must be an open book. It is your perfect right to have boundaries about your mental health without feeling dishonest or withholding. Everyone has a private life and that includes you. Only share with people you trust.

I have Schizoaffective disorder bipolar type... which is basically a combination of bipolar & schizophrenia kind of thing.
Only those who really need to know, know.
Basically that's my parents, sister, gp, mental health team, line manager at my part time job in case I'm too unwell to go to work.
Even my best friends (some have small children) don't know my true diagnosis although they know I suffer with depression & can be paranoid. What they know about my mental health doesn't bother them.

The reason I don't share my diagnosis is that there is a massive stigma around some kinds of mental illness still.. I think less around bipolar than schizophrenia & Schizoaffective.

I have epilepsy too & I've found that some people unbelievably are still odd about that!

@lookingforMolly id be more worried about epilepsy tbh, I’m case you had a fit whilst caring for my child. Though I guess it’s the same as the mental health conditions being discussed in that it might be well controlled by medication.