How do I say no to this ?

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Life long people pleaser

Friend has asked me to look after her dog in the day. I don't want to do it. End of. I know she is desperate though. But at the end of the day, she chose to have the dog. I don't have a dog because I don't want to look after one, simple as. I cannot say no without any reasoning. This is a really close friend.
What the hell do I say ?

No way - that will change your day to day life as you’d have to factor the dog in. Personally I would just laugh at her request and say umm no!

remember she’s being the cf so don’t feel you have to walk on eggshells.

Otherwise say what you’ve said here, I don’t want to that’s why I don’t have a dog if my own I like my own time.

It's one day not a lifetime and it's for your friend, what happened to compassion

Tell her there are plenty of dog walkers, pet sitters and doggy day cares that she can use.

Nowhere does it say it’s only for one day. “In the day” sounds like a regular thing to me.

Never mind compassion - whatever happened to punctuation?

My automatic reaction would be "No, sorry that's too big a commitment for me. I hope you manage to sort this out elsewhere but you'll need to count me out." Deep breath OP - this is an incredibly cheeky request from someone who's trying to pass their responsibilities onto you. 🌹

You say what you have said here.

You don't want to do it. You don't have a dog because you don't want to look after one - and you don't want to look after hers.

Dress it up with a bit of social fluff, if you want - but those are perfectly valid reasons.

Why are so many people suggesting "I'm sorry but"?

Don't apologise. It gives people room to manipulate or cajole.

Simply "That's not a commitment / responsibility I can undertake. I suggest that a dog sitter / day care would be more suitable".

Op, stop being a people pleaser, FFS. Just stop. You really can learn to say no, and you absolutely must say no to your cheeky fucking "friend." My opinion is that no real friend would ask this of you. She's only doing so because she knows you're a pushover and she can take advantage of that. Her dog, her fucking problem. Say no, mean it, and refuse to continue the discussion.

She's taking the p*ss imo.

Tell her you have allergies from childhood?!

I'd be honest and say no you just don't want to- no need to be providing evidence for proof, if she's such a good friend she'd understand.

I have a friend who needs her cat looking after morning and evening whilst she goes on holidays and ends up having about 4 people sharing duties as she pulls on their heart strings to do it. None are offered petrol money or anything in return (which is fair enough but some kind of gesture would be kind as one has to travel about 7 miles and all have jobs/ families).
She once tested the water with me saying 'I nearly asked you to come evenings' I said I'd help if I didn't have packed evenings already with work, kids clubs etc.

Even our best friends can be CF but disguise it as asking a favour!

You respond with, your dog is lovely but I am not prepared to walk, clean up after or have it in the house. Maybe look at doggy daycare, I’m sure your dog will really enjoy the company/ other dogs etc.

Hopefully that will be the end of it.

It is beyond cheeky to ask this of someone.

OP - why do you care so much about upsetting her by saying no to such a ridiculous request, but it hasn’t occurred to her to give a shiny one about you and your feelings?

No, I can’t do that sorry, hope you get something sorted.

Change subject.

There must be some backstory to this, such as this "friend" already knowing you don't work, and don't have any firm commitments, for them to even consider lumbering their pet onto you. If you do work, then surely it's just a straight "I can't look after Fido, I have to work".

They don't seem to be conscious of what it means to your day to day life and putting you in such an awkward position that you feel unable to say no, doesn't sound like a good friend to me, it sounds like someone who is dominant and won't take no for an answer.

of course you'd do it as a one off but you're saying this is not a one off, it's (M-F? 9-5?) a regular obligation. Can't they find a local kennels?

A mitigating factor could be if your friend is starting a series of medical treatments for a few weeks/months, where they want peace of mind that their pet is well cared for and you don't work or have any commitments. In that case, yes you'd try to support your friend, that's what friends are for. But you haven't said that.

That’s bonkers. Tell her you’d do it for 3x whatever the local dog walker charges.

Surely it as simple as:

"Can you look after my dog?"

"No."

"Why?"

"Because I don't want to. Find some else."

The very first line of the OP is that she’s a ‘lifelong people pleaser, so no, it’s not a simple as that.

If it were as simple as that, she’d hardly be on here posting for advice, would she?

"I'm just not a dog person."

I think she's being a cf.....I would say you cannot commit to anything long term - as lots have said, you don't have a dog because you don't want one......(presumably)....be honest otherwise you will only end up resenting her as time goes on........

You friend is trying to make their problem your problem.

"I'm sorry you're struggling with care for your dog. However, this isn't something that I can commit to in my life at the moment."

Don't give an inch. No looking after for a day, a week, nothing. It'll be taken as a green flag and you won't be able to row back.

If she keeps persisting you need to emphasise that it's her responsibility to find proper care for her pet & if she insist direct her to Dogs Trust, Battersea etc saying it's not fair on the dog if she's unable to find them the care they need

Their responsibility, not yours.

I am not a people pleaser

So I would just say 'Mmmm no'

I might expand and say

'Mmm no I don't want to sorry I hope you find someone'

The problem is that if you give a reason they may try to counter it. So the short "No" is best. If you feel you need a reason for turning down an unreasonable request keep it brief and as close to the truth as you can.

Yeah don't go into detail else you'll get sucked in.

No that doesn't work for me, hope you can sort something.

If quizzed I'd push back on that firm boundary line, it's not something to convince you to do.

Be honest but firm.

I can't commit to this. I don't have pets of my own as I value flexibility. Good luck.

Life long people pleaser

Take this excellent opportunity to change, then! Some great advice here.

'No, I can't.'
'No, that doesn't work for me.'
'No, it won't be possible.'
'No, I won't be able to.'

If you really can't face that level of directness, try:
'That sounds really tricky but I can't help.'
'Oh no, what a nightmare. Unfortunately I won't be able to.'

Then repeat the direct phrases in answer to any nagging/pleading/questioning. Don't get into excuses or piddly details. Do NOT apologise.