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Original poster

Do children's birthdays need a 'main' present?

91 replies

bapplebanana · 08/09/2023 06:01

My DS turns 6 soon, and we've bought him a few books, at atlas game, some new Lego, uno extreme, a board game, slime ingredients, a new night light and cuddly, some hot wheels cars - my dh asked me, 'but what's his main present?'. A friend also asked me 'what's his big present, though?'

Have I been stingey, do you do a main, more expensive, bigger present as well? Thanks

OP posts:
PurBal · 08/09/2023 06:05

No, I don’t think so. Genuine question as my children are younger: do you and DH not discuss presents?

WhyHasAllTheRumGone · 08/09/2023 06:07

No I think he has lots of lovely things. Well, apart from the slime!

Bumblebee112 · 08/09/2023 06:08

I wouldn’t say so. I think a “main present” is fine as they get older and they maybe start asking for specifics. But if there’s no “main” thing that they want/need then I don’t see the point of buying one just for the sake of it.

same question as PP though…do you and DH not discuss presents? 🤔

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MidnightOnceMore · 08/09/2023 06:13

No, it's fine. What children need is a nice birthday.

To the friend just answer 'He'll like getting lots of bits I think'.

Why is your DH asking you this question??

PuttingDownRoots · 08/09/2023 06:14

Sometimes there's not a big thing they want.

Also depending on what you've got, a Lego set or board game could be described as a Main present!

Mummy08m · 08/09/2023 06:18

You definitely haven't been stingy - that sounds like an awful lot. Is he having a birthday party? Because some of those things sound like stuff he could receive from classmates too.

Definitely no need for a main present imo. Sometimes those can end up being big ticket items your dc never uses (urgh, my dd's scooter)

Footprintsinthesand · 08/09/2023 06:58

My DS turns 4 soon and isn't getting a main present. We have done in the past but there's nothing big that he needs/wants. He's having a party which is his main present in my opinion!

Nightsku · 08/09/2023 07:01

I don’t always do a main present. It just depends on what the kids ask for.

WellDuh · 08/09/2023 07:05

My kids only ever get one or 2 presents for their birthday (cash for the older adult kids now) a big bar of chocolate and a bag of haribo! 'Main presents' are for Christmas in our house!

Batatahara · 08/09/2023 07:13

Usually I aim to do at least one present that makes them go "wow!" when they open it, which isn't for mine about the cost.

And then some of the others are more "slow burn" presents - mine both really enjoy board games and I do tend to get them some for birthday/Christmas but they take a while for young children to love (well mine anyway).

My kids would probably be wowed by the slime TBH

SallyWD · 08/09/2023 07:18

No. Why would it be needed?

Counciltelly · 08/09/2023 07:20

I buy my children one present for birthday. They get a pile at Xmas.

Bookish88 · 08/09/2023 07:22

I don't think there's any right or wrong way to do birthdays TBH.

Growing up, I was only ever given a single present from my DParents for my birthday, which would be whatever "big" thing I'd been asking for that year. DH was the same. Then family and friends would be the ones to buy all the smaller presents like books, board games, clothes, etc. We've stuck to doing the same for DS.

Icannotthinkofaname · 08/09/2023 07:22

My children only every get 1 present for their birthday. So yes mine get a main present usually costing around £30 when they were small and has crept up to £150 or so as they have got older and wanted things like smart phones and air pods.
My son was 17 this year, he had 6hrs of driving lessons so didn't have anything to open.

olivehaters · 08/09/2023 07:23

I tend to go for a big present and little else for a birthday because he will get that sort of stuff from friends and family. But each to their own and it depends what they need at the time. If he doesn’t need a new bike or whatever no point spending for the sake of it.

Original poster
bapplebanana · 08/09/2023 07:24

Yes we have discussed pressies and bought some of those bits when we were out and about together. He's having a soft play party, and so DH paid for that and I said I'd cover the presents and buy the last few I'd been thinking of getting - that's why he wasn't aware what every gift was!

OP posts:
Beachywave · 08/09/2023 07:26

For us, birthday is one or two presents and a pile (like you've described) for Christmas. We all do things differently, you know what your own child likes!

Also ignore the digs about your dh not knowing... this is normal 😂

Whinge · 08/09/2023 07:29

He's having a soft play party

A party can be bloody expensive so surely that's his main present.

CuntRYMusicStar · 08/09/2023 07:30

I think those presents sound great! He's likely to get loads of little bits from his friends at his party too.

If anyone asks and you want to answer then saying 'he's having the soft play party' as his main present is perfectly acceptable.

Monkeybutt1 · 08/09/2023 07:31

My DH can be there for each purchase but still not remember what we've bought 😂
It sounds fine, I'm a huge stickler for not buying for the sake of it. Sometimes DS gets a few like you've described and sometimes he gets one thing. This year he's 11 and asked for a smartphone so that's all he's getting, although I may get him some chocolate too.

redskytonights · 08/09/2023 07:39

We get what they want. That might be one bigger thing or a collection of smaller things.
Mind you, I'd consider a lego set, unless it's one of the small ones, to be a main present.

FTB2023 · 08/09/2023 07:43

You certainly haven't been stingey!
We've usually done a "main" present on the basis that others will buy smaller things. And its great for dc to that sort of 'wow' moment.
So I might have bought fewer presents than on your list and focused on either the hot wheels or lego (which I presume he likes) and got a bigger set of one of these.
I'm not saying that's what you should do, just giving examples of different approaches

gogomoto · 08/09/2023 07:44

There's not always a "big" present they want/need so it will vary. I wouldn't buy a big thing just for the sake of it, in fact I varied the value overall too based on need eg if a bike needed replacing, then tech as they got older they would get that but it didn't set a value precedent

Baneofmyexistence · 08/09/2023 07:45

No it’s fine. One DS this year wanted a bike for his birthday so we got him the bike and helmet and that was all the presents as it was expensive. The other DS has asked for smaller things for his birthday so he’ll have a collection of smaller bits. It’s just what they want, either way is fine.

TheBarbieEffect · 08/09/2023 07:45

Of course they do. We always do a big main present and then lots of smaller presents in the present pile underneath, both for Christmas and birthday.

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