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Original poster

Monstrosity of a meal

131 replies

Jumping2feet · 05/09/2023 19:19

I was going to eat prawn salad for dinner. Delicious and easy.

Then I saw the purple sprouting broccoli and mushrooms I bought last week. So I decided to cook pasta and use up the veg. In my head this would all go with pesto and a bit of chilli. It doesn't. I haven't eaten it. It's vile. Never mind the waste which I can't even think about. So now dinner is a bottle of beer. Thankfully only myself to please.

What monstrosities have others created that should never have seen the light of day?

OP posts:
KohlaParasaurus · 05/09/2023 22:09

I suppose cooked medium egg noodles mixed with grapefruit segments canned in syrup (drained) and green pesto could be considered a monstrosity, but it was one of my cravings during my first pregnancy. I've never been tempted to try it since, including during several subsequent pregnancies.

EnthENd · 05/09/2023 22:09

I produced inedible disasters in most of my school cooking lessons - and still got good grades because the marking didn't involve tasting the food!

As an adult, worst was an enormous portion of way-too-spicy chilli, that I had to eat because I was utterly penniless.

Otherwise, mostly OK. I am my own harshest critic and my family are usually more positive.

OP yours would probably have been fine with a tomato-based sauce. You can put almost anything in a tomato pasta dish. But pesto, yeah, that's a more "choosy" flavour in terms of what it goes well with.

eurochick · 05/09/2023 22:09

Greensleeves · 05/09/2023 20:03

My darling dad once made an experimental casserole which he served with a great flourish of excitement. It was a sort of brown gravy thing with lamb, lentils, porridge oats and...black treacle. I was furiously fighting my gag reflex because I didn't want to see his face fall (my dad is odd, but a total sweetheart)

That sounds like the thing they make in friends where they turn over two pages in the recipe book and end up with beef trifle or something. 🤮

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General food
threecupsofteaminimum · 05/09/2023 22:11

Lesina · 05/09/2023 20:25

Not me but my dad who once served us a minced beef and scrambled egg medley with a blue cheese sauce. I’m still traumatised by it.

😂😂😂🤣 amazing!!

Sidge · 05/09/2023 22:13

I was feeling adventurous so thought I’d try tofu.

It should have been lovely, the recipe called for lime, ginger and soy. Yum!

It was absolutely disgusting. I’ve never chewed on a condom but I imagine it to offer the same experience and flavour.

To add injury to insult the fucking stuff burnt me as I put it in the pan, even though I’d squeezed all the water out. I’ve now got a scar on my arm. From fucking tofu.

TheInterceptor · 05/09/2023 22:18

MIL has a habit of throwing leftovers into the freezer unlabelled. One visit she served a delicious potato crumble with custard.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 05/09/2023 22:26

This 'creamy salmon pasta' from one of Jack Monroe's books. I was trying to pinch the pennies any which way, but trust me, trying to make a pasta sauce from fish paste is not the way to do it! It tasted the way I imagine the bottom of the bin to taste after a few days.

And I love fish paste normally!

Budget Creamy Salmon Pasta Recipe

Budget food blogger Jack Monroe shows how to turn a jar of fish paste into a creamy salmon mousse as a topping for pasta for a speedy fish supper.

https://www.greatbritishchefs.com/recipes/budget-creamy-salmon-pasta-chilli-lemon-recipe

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 05/09/2023 22:27

TheInterceptor · 05/09/2023 22:18

MIL has a habit of throwing leftovers into the freezer unlabelled. One visit she served a delicious potato crumble with custard.

I'll never forget the day DH got sausages out to defrost for tea and then found they were brown bananas Grin.

We had chips instead I think!

Twinklewonderkins · 05/09/2023 22:28

My ex MIL made me and exDH a sharwoods jar mixed with diced chicken breast sort of curry. At the last minute she worried it wouldn’t be enough food so quickly sliced up and stirred in two overripe bananas.
it was one of the only things I actually couldn’t eat.

LunaNorth · 05/09/2023 22:28

I once came in from work to be faced with Prawn Surprise - steamed cauliflower and broccoli, prawns and a thick layer of melted cheese.

The smell of fishy cheesy farts that drifted up when DH whipped the lid off the casserole dish was…memorable.

It was instantly renamed Prawn Shock. Disgusting.

RicherThanYews · 05/09/2023 22:35

My first house with DH, we saved up enough cash to buy a George Foreman grill and with our last £2.50 we bought 'steaks' in the supermarket. Took them home and cooked them on the new George Foreman and the kitchen filled with the smell of death and melted plastic.

Monstrosity of a meal
MisdemeanorOnTheFloor · 05/09/2023 22:36

My very sweet husband made me broccoli, pea and mint soups when I was pregnant to up my folic acid.
Except he would add so much mint it was like eating toothpaste. He thought this a triumph and ate it regularly looking very proud. He just wouldn't twig that I was always 'not that hungry' on soup night, so in the end I had to just plead with him to stop.
My BIL baked chicken with banana once. I almost barfed.

YouAreBeingUnbearable · 05/09/2023 22:40

Physiologicalmalfunction · 05/09/2023 21:58

A roasted chilli stuffed marrow. But I realised too late I didn't have any chilli so it was just boiled mince and onion in a hollowed out marrow. It all kind of boiled together in marrow juices instead of roasting. It was like eating something from a medieval village.

‘something from a medieval village’ and ‘mashed autumn leaves’ has really tickled me 😂

Beseen22 · 05/09/2023 23:00

DH bought smoked basa instead of haddock by accident so we decided to try it. My MIL cooks smoked fish in milk so I did that. It went to mulsh and tasted like regurgitated fishy milk. I served it with unseasoned white rice. When I sat down at the dinner table we all just laughed at how disgusting it looked and ordered a takeaway.

Another time I bought a stir fry mix which went out of date before its use by date and I didn't notice until I poured it in the wok. The bottom half of the bag had turned completely to brown liquid. I cooked it and ate it to not be wasteful but after a few bites with a decidedly sour earthy sauce like coating on my chicken I decided to admit defeat.

Tilllly · 05/09/2023 23:04

AdaColeman · 05/09/2023 19:40

My Ex MIL once served a meal consisting of mince in a sludgy sauce with rice, but when she dished it up, she decided it needed something extra, so she quickly made up a packet mix of parsley sauce, and poured that over the by now lukewarm mince.
She was very impressed with it, and I believe it became her Signature Dish!

That is quite possibly the most revolting thing I've ever heard!

allthehops · 05/09/2023 23:05

SlightlyJaded · 05/09/2023 21:26

I feel sick writing this as even the memory of it triggers my gag reflex...

DH thought he'd reignite memories of Mexico by doing 'his version' of Chicken Mole. He had forgotten that even the authentic version in Mexico had been pretty repulsive, but managed to outdo even that. Proper recipe involves chicken, onions, celery, spices, fresh chillies and dark chocolate. DH thought he could recreate something 'similar' by slathering chicken wings with powdery cooking chocolate and chilli powder. He then decided that it lacked substance so added kidney beans. But then there wasn't enough chocolateyness so he compensated by melting cooking chocolate all over it and adding half a tub of fucking Cocoa, but then was worried it was too sweet to added salt and more chilli powder.

He hadn't browned the chicken so the skin was white and rubbery and it was just sort of nestled in this brown gooey chocolate gunk with overcooked powdery kidney beans and far too much salt. It had the heat of chili but no flavour. It was so vile that after the second mouthful I genuinely started gagging at which point he just stood up silently and tipped the whole lot into a bin bag, sealed the bag and quietly walked it outside to the bins.

We have since cried with laughter over the Chocolate Chicken, but fuck me, I feel sick remembering it.

Edited

Ok you win.

whynotwhatknot · 05/09/2023 23:11

chocolate chiken even i nearly barfed

Agii · 05/09/2023 23:46

Rice and salmon and some kind of Chinese cuisine sauce. Every single time it ends up in the bin after one portion. It sits in the fridge until I conclude I'm not going to eat it 😄
Some things just not in my skillset.

Agii · 05/09/2023 23:48

CalmaLlamaDown · 05/09/2023 20:14

My DH made tuna lasagna. Is that even a thing?

Slimy mushrooms and tinned tuna as the meat layer.

I felt terrible not to eat a meal he made, but I was seriously gagging.

Tuna lasagna is very delicious if you make it right. All fresh ingredients and double cream and cheese. ☺️

Agii · 05/09/2023 23:50

WeWillLookBack · 05/09/2023 20:53

My husband cannot cook. One evening, I was ill - so he stepped up. He said he would make pasta.

He made up a recipe - 'Hawaiian Pasta'. Hot pasta. Chopped Ham. Pineapple chunks. He used Pizza Express salad dressing as there was no mayo in the fridge.

It was bloody awful. Our youngest cried.

We still talk about the day Dad made 'Hawaiian Pasta"

That really sounds awful. Salad cream part especially 😄

orangegato · 06/09/2023 06:46

I once used a can of mushroom soup as a pasta sauce. Ladies, don’t.

Also mustard in corned beef hash. There are a great many things mustard doesn’t go with, this being one of them. Straight in the bin.

NotSoBright · 06/09/2023 08:52

MiL's blackcurrant jelly ... with lumps of beetroot. I still get chills whenever I think of it. Pure evil in a dish.

Borka · 06/09/2023 09:15

When DS was little he asked me to make a 'frinana' - a banana frittata. I thought it might be ok, a bit like a banana pancake or something. It was disgusting, and covering it with maple syrup didn't make it edible.

Haveyoubrushedyourteeth · 06/09/2023 09:46

Raspberry and white chocolate cheesecake lovingly made by dd (8) with help from daddy for mothers day. Unfortunately daddy thought dairylea and cream cheese were the same thing. Obviously I ate every scrap, but 🤢 🤮

BogRollBOGOF · 06/09/2023 11:19

DH is of the "sling it in the pan" school of cooking.

He once rustled up a pasta meal involving baked beans amongst half the cupboard contents... one bite was interupted by an abrupt hard, shock... the plonker had put pearl barley and heated it for 10 minutes.