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Original poster

Monstrosity of a meal

131 replies

Jumping2feet · 05/09/2023 19:19

I was going to eat prawn salad for dinner. Delicious and easy.

Then I saw the purple sprouting broccoli and mushrooms I bought last week. So I decided to cook pasta and use up the veg. In my head this would all go with pesto and a bit of chilli. It doesn't. I haven't eaten it. It's vile. Never mind the waste which I can't even think about. So now dinner is a bottle of beer. Thankfully only myself to please.

What monstrosities have others created that should never have seen the light of day?

OP posts:
dotdotdotdash · 05/09/2023 19:25

My ex made turkey risotto with red wine one Boxing Day. It was grim

Shouldbedoing · 05/09/2023 19:27

I do the too many ingredients to use them up trick too. I never learn.

MrTiddlesTheCat · 05/09/2023 19:27

Quorn stir-fry. Came up as a recipe on my diet sheet. Didn't explain that it would result in weight loss due to being so utterly vile you'd rather starve.

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General food
TomatoSandwiches · 05/09/2023 19:33

I made a tuna pasta thing with tomato paste and marscapone cheese. It came out pink and looked like guts. It was like that soup scene in Bridget Jone's Diary.

AdaColeman · 05/09/2023 19:40

My Ex MIL once served a meal consisting of mince in a sludgy sauce with rice, but when she dished it up, she decided it needed something extra, so she quickly made up a packet mix of parsley sauce, and poured that over the by now lukewarm mince.
She was very impressed with it, and I believe it became her Signature Dish!

AllTheWeatherAllTheTime · 05/09/2023 19:40

Bought beetroot noodles in the hope that DC would be so delighted by the purple colour they wouldn't notice the vegetable content. Fried them off with an egg in usual manner. Ended up with pink limp noodles covered in white egg flecks, that looked so much like raw mince that I couldn't eat it, never mind the child!

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 05/09/2023 19:42

Turkey meatballs. I spent ages hand making enough Turkey meatballs in tomato sauce to feed the five of us for two meals, so I could have one lot in the freezer for an easy meal.

The meatballs were rank - tasteless, despite me putting in onion and seasoning it well. No-one could stomach them - not even my normally hollow-legged teenage boys. I think we ended up having takeaway, and the meatballs went straight in the bin.

MadCatLady27 · 05/09/2023 19:48

Lamb mince kebabs 🤢

They were on the pack of a blue dragon sweet chilli sauce bottle and looked yummy

They were not yummy... They looked like a piece of s*t and tasted sht and weren't too great on the stomach either. Never again.

Canelloni - OH doesn't like the cheese sauce on top, I do so we did a half and half. I think we must have missed a step because on getting it out several of the tubes remained somewhat crunchy. Never worked it out

Carbonara - that lovely creamy colour and taste it gets in a restaurant/when watching MasterChef? Try a nasty greasy brown colour looking sauce! We've tried it a couple of times and always the same. Yet apparently you don't add cream? So why does ours always look so unappetising? It's edible but not great

Also halfway through cooking a couple of salmon fillets realised they were a week out of date. OH thought they'd be fine, I was less sure (emetophobic so the thought of him getting food poisoning didn't help). I vetoed them on getting them out once cooked and they were more off brown than pink. Ended up in the bin and it was off to the shop for a microwave meal! Couldn't even give them to the cats as they had a spicy coating on (which looked nice but wouldn't get them again as keep seeing that off brown look!)

TomatoSandwiches · 05/09/2023 19:57

@MadCatLady27 you whisk up your egg yolks ( 2 per person ) parmesan with a little salt, pepper and bacon fat add it to a pan with freshly cooked pasta, mix and add a half a ladel of pasta water and stir the pan until emulsified and creamy.

WellThisIsFun1 · 05/09/2023 20:00

When I was at uni I made my signature bolognese sauce. I'd spent years perfecting it, it was really good.

Made a pan full and left it happily simmering gently on the hob.

Came back to it later, it seemed to making kind of a 'bloop bloop' sound, like what I imagine volcanic mud sounding like.

My boyfriend at the time did what his mum used to do to make things go further, and he'd chucked a huge handful of porridge oats into it.

Beef porridge.

Bastard.

Hohofortherobbers · 05/09/2023 20:02

I'll never get over my steamed turbot. It was like shoe leather Grin

Greensleeves · 05/09/2023 20:03

My darling dad once made an experimental casserole which he served with a great flourish of excitement. It was a sort of brown gravy thing with lamb, lentils, porridge oats and...black treacle. I was furiously fighting my gag reflex because I didn't want to see his face fall (my dad is odd, but a total sweetheart)

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 05/09/2023 20:06

Beef porridge, @WellThisIsFun1? I’d have cried.

Dh once forgot about salmon steaks under the grill - somehow they weren’t burnt, but he had managed to completely dehydrate them so the fell apart into dust at the first touch of a knife.

Justrolledmyeyesoutloud · 05/09/2023 20:07

My ppor mum made a new recipe - sausages in honey - 35 years later we still take the piss!! Absolutely rank!!

TomatoSandwiches · 05/09/2023 20:08

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 05/09/2023 20:06

Beef porridge, @WellThisIsFun1? I’d have cried.

Dh once forgot about salmon steaks under the grill - somehow they weren’t burnt, but he had managed to completely dehydrate them so the fell apart into dust at the first touch of a knife.

That takes skill!

AdoraBell · 05/09/2023 20:10

I once cooked a mushroom risotto, we were late back from a weekend away and no take away options. Even the dog refused to eat it🤦‍♀️

Katmai · 05/09/2023 20:10

This thread is 🤑and 😂in equal measure.

InSpainTheRain · 05/09/2023 20:13

Two spring to mind: under cooked chicken which the host didn't seem to be at all concerned about! And a "bolonese" made with oxtail soup and a tin of tomatoes as the sauce. Both vile - have never let the person cook another meal for me (we share a takeout) and I cannot face oxtail soup now.

CalmaLlamaDown · 05/09/2023 20:14

My DH made tuna lasagna. Is that even a thing?

Slimy mushrooms and tinned tuna as the meat layer.

I felt terrible not to eat a meal he made, but I was seriously gagging.

tallsmallmum · 05/09/2023 20:17

tried to cook out of date portobello mushrooms melt Boursin on top on toast;?mushrooms were all woody and cheese was curdled. didn't even eat the toast

devildeepbluesea · 05/09/2023 20:19

We’re having pork burgers, dough balls and peas tonight. 🤷‍♀️

So very wrong together but each individual component is delicious so I’m optimistic.

Ladyoftheknight · 05/09/2023 20:24

When Dsis moved out into her first home, she invited us over for dinner. We said chicken casserole was a safe option, we'd all like it etc.

Only she'd found an american recipe-and their casseroles are very different to ours. https://thecozycook.com/vegetable-casserole/ It wasn't this, but I know the ingredients were similar, including crisps on the top. So gross.

Lesina · 05/09/2023 20:25

Not me but my dad who once served us a minced beef and scrambled egg medley with a blue cheese sauce. I’m still traumatised by it.

Rogue1001MNer · 05/09/2023 20:31

Justrolledmyeyesoutloud · 05/09/2023 20:07

My ppor mum made a new recipe - sausages in honey - 35 years later we still take the piss!! Absolutely rank!!

We do cocktail sausages in honey and chilli and they're yum

I once steamed some cauliflower and the pan boiled dry.
The cauliflower was both raw AND burnt, which I considered quite a feat

Itwasntmeguv · 05/09/2023 20:42

AdaColeman · 05/09/2023 19:40

My Ex MIL once served a meal consisting of mince in a sludgy sauce with rice, but when she dished it up, she decided it needed something extra, so she quickly made up a packet mix of parsley sauce, and poured that over the by now lukewarm mince.
She was very impressed with it, and I believe it became her Signature Dish!

With tricks like that up her sleeve, I can see why she's your EX mil 😂

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