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Original poster

Shit at everything.

113 replies

Losttrack · 04/09/2023 10:51

Firstly I will point out that I have learning difficulties. Did not go to a main stream school. So I do not have a standard education.

You know that saying everyone is good at something. Weather is academic, hands on stuff, gardening, art . Or what ever. I'm no good at fuck all . I have never achieved anything in my life.

OP posts:
whereaw · 04/09/2023 19:42

What about scrapbooking? Or ModgePodge is great, you can collect bits of scraps and fabrics or whatever and cover simple things like boxes, bowls, those cardboard decorations you can get from hobbycraft etc. It's so simple to do but really rewarding.

Original poster
Losttrack · 04/09/2023 19:43

LIZS · 04/09/2023 19:35

Or online regularly? A lot of groups still meet virtually.

I can't do that , 1, I'm not good with people. I shit myself around people. I did say that earlier, 2, no way am I showing my ugly self on a camera , 3. I can't commit still because I don't know when things go on at home.

OP posts:
LIZS · 04/09/2023 19:50

Have you sought help for your mental health or self confidence? Might be worth a call to your gp. You don't have to have camera on or participate in the discussion, but the company of a call might be helpful. You sound isolated and lonely.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

General education
StandUpForYourRights · 04/09/2023 19:57

What about doing a puzzle. I get a huge sense of achievement when I've completed.it, even if it takes bloody ages

Original poster
Losttrack · 04/09/2023 20:00

StandUpForYourRights · 04/09/2023 19:57

What about doing a puzzle. I get a huge sense of achievement when I've completed.it, even if it takes bloody ages

I don't have anywhere to do one. I dont have a table. No where to put one etc

OP posts:
LilyLemonade · 04/09/2023 20:11

You sound so fed up and frustrated. I totally understand that you want a feeling of satisfaction and achievement.

As an aside, you do not need to be good at anything to still be a valuable human being with the same worth as every other person on earth.

in terms of achievements, why not keep a daily diary: ‘one thing I achieved today’ or ‘one thing I did today that I am proud of’ no matter how simple. Eg gave my kids 3 meals. You would start to see a record of the fact that you take action, you take care of your family, you move forward in life. Even posting this thread could be one such action to record.

scratchyfannyofcocklane · 04/09/2023 20:32

You have children with disabilities, bringing them up, loving them, doing your best for them is a Massive achievement in itself. Never underestimate what a fantastic job you are doing (it may not feel like it at times) You are an amazing woman for that alone and don't ever underestimate the skills required to do that...

EveryKneeShallBow · 04/09/2023 20:38

What about something like this? A friend of mine does these sitting on her sofa with a large tray on her lap. I think you could do it while watching tv even.

https://diamondart.uk/

evilharpy · 04/09/2023 20:39

I feel like you are very hard on yourself. You say you have learning difficulties but your posts are well-written and you can communicate well - you are definitely more intelligent than you think you are. You are clearly a great mum and you sound like a nice person. There is something out there for you to get that sense of achievement, you just haven't found it yet.

I have a cousin who struggles with reading and writing and isn't great with people, but has a fabulous head for any sort of engines or electronics. He worked for many years as a mechanic and ended up supervising a team of mechanics for a car dealership. Academic ability is not the only talent someone can have.

Is there anything in the past you've done that you've enjoyed? Or anything you would be interested in?

I know someone who loves upcycling furniture. She buys it cheap from Facebook marketplace and charity shops and gives it a makeover with paint and decoupage. She has done some amazing transformations out of things I wouldn't have looked twice at. Maybe that would be a low-stress hobby that wouldn't involve too much interaction with people, and you'd have something you had created at the end of it to feel proud of.

Biscuitsneeded · 04/09/2023 20:39

OP, do you have a relationship with your wider family? Clearly you can communicate well online and use IT effectively. How about researching your family history and presenting your findings to your family eg at Christmas? All my family are artistic in some way - I'm not at all, but I've researched our family history using Ancestry.co.uk. My family are all really fascinated by what I've found out even though they admit they wouldn't ever have bothered to do the research themselves! If you come across words you don't know, you can look up the meaning in your own time. It's a great activity to do on your own at your own speed whenever you have a spare 20 minutes, and it's a real sense of accomplishment for me that I found out for my whole family where we are from and who our ancestors were.
For what it's worth, many 'high-achieving' women really struggle with motherhood. You sound like an amazing and selfless mum - I'd say that's one of your talents! Also, if you love animals, could you be a foster carer for animals? My aunt always has a blind puppy or a three-legged cat in the house - she loves them when nobody else wants them. I think that's a talent too!

drinkuptheezider · 04/09/2023 20:50

Have a look at the Rebel Badge club, it's like Brownies/ guides for grown ups. I saw it suggested on here and got the books from amazon.

You can adapt badges to your abilities. There's lots of advice and friendly people. You could get your kids in on it too, do them as a family.

Even if you didn't want to do the badges, there are lots of suggestions for activities.

Original poster
Losttrack · 04/09/2023 21:01

Biscuitsneeded · 04/09/2023 20:39

OP, do you have a relationship with your wider family? Clearly you can communicate well online and use IT effectively. How about researching your family history and presenting your findings to your family eg at Christmas? All my family are artistic in some way - I'm not at all, but I've researched our family history using Ancestry.co.uk. My family are all really fascinated by what I've found out even though they admit they wouldn't ever have bothered to do the research themselves! If you come across words you don't know, you can look up the meaning in your own time. It's a great activity to do on your own at your own speed whenever you have a spare 20 minutes, and it's a real sense of accomplishment for me that I found out for my whole family where we are from and who our ancestors were.
For what it's worth, many 'high-achieving' women really struggle with motherhood. You sound like an amazing and selfless mum - I'd say that's one of your talents! Also, if you love animals, could you be a foster carer for animals? My aunt always has a blind puppy or a three-legged cat in the house - she loves them when nobody else wants them. I think that's a talent too!

I did do a bit of ancestry. But I got very stuck. I didn't really understand how to do it. I cane of went back to it. But I just didn't get it. I done the DNA thing thinking that would help. There's a handful of matches. Can look at them on a map. But there trees are either inactive, private. Etc. And I just hot stuck again.

Family wise it's just me and the kids

OP posts:
Biscuitsneeded · 04/09/2023 21:08

I don't understand everything about Ancestry either! But if you know your mother's full name and date of birth you can do a search on her and find her registry of birth and maybe her parents' names etc, and then you can look them up until you get back to 1901 and can use the census to see where people lived and what jobs they did. I'm not explaining it very well but the more you explore, the more you understand, even if there are things you never get to grips with, like me! If you create your own tree and put your children, yourself and your parents into it, and your parents' parents if you know anything about them, the system will give you 'hints' (displayed like little green leaves) about them from anything it finds in the database.

CyberCritical · 04/09/2023 21:16

There are so many things that don't require academic ability or a job that can give you satisfaction in a task well done.

  • redecorating a room
  • upcycling a piece of furniture to turn it into something different or doing it up so it goes from bashed and old looking to shiny and new
  • sewing something
  • baking something
  • building a wall
  • gardening
  • fixing a plumbing problem using YouTube videos
  • teaching your kids a new song or sitting with them and thinking up a story that makes you all feel happy
  • helping someone else, there are volunteering schemes where you befriend a local elderly person who just wants a short phone call every now and then to alleviate loneliness or picking up food donations from supermarkets and delivering them to the food bank or sorting parcels at a food bank or doing some gardening outside libraries and community centres.... www.gov.uk/volunteering

But first you need to address what sounds like possible anxiety and/or depression. You seem very hard on yourself and it will be difficult to get the motivation and confidence to start a task if you're battling your mental health without any help.

Original poster
Losttrack · 04/09/2023 21:16

Biscuitsneeded · 04/09/2023 21:08

I don't understand everything about Ancestry either! But if you know your mother's full name and date of birth you can do a search on her and find her registry of birth and maybe her parents' names etc, and then you can look them up until you get back to 1901 and can use the census to see where people lived and what jobs they did. I'm not explaining it very well but the more you explore, the more you understand, even if there are things you never get to grips with, like me! If you create your own tree and put your children, yourself and your parents into it, and your parents' parents if you know anything about them, the system will give you 'hints' (displayed like little green leaves) about them from anything it finds in the database.

I have tried. I don't understand any of it I don't understand the census or how to do it. All it needs is the same name sir name. DOB. Once that's happend . I'm lost there could be people with the same name and I don't know which one is right.

OP posts:
Ineedasitdown · 04/09/2023 21:20

You sound like you are massively lacking in confidence and time.

keeping a roof over your head, feeding and caring for disabled children with no respite is an achievement. It’s more than some people manage. You compare yourself to internet sprites on mumsnet. Don’t. They could be telling the truth. It could be a pack of lies.

Outside of keeping body and soul together for you and children, what do you class as an achievement? What would make you feel you had achieved?

LIZS · 04/09/2023 21:22

If you can visit a local library they often have drop-in family history sessions where volunteers can help you unravel such issues and explain what you are looking at. Do you have any help with your dc? Can they come along with you or you access any caring support to enable you to do so?

Original poster
Losttrack · 04/09/2023 21:25

CyberCritical · 04/09/2023 21:16

There are so many things that don't require academic ability or a job that can give you satisfaction in a task well done.

  • redecorating a room
  • upcycling a piece of furniture to turn it into something different or doing it up so it goes from bashed and old looking to shiny and new
  • sewing something
  • baking something
  • building a wall
  • gardening
  • fixing a plumbing problem using YouTube videos
  • teaching your kids a new song or sitting with them and thinking up a story that makes you all feel happy
  • helping someone else, there are volunteering schemes where you befriend a local elderly person who just wants a short phone call every now and then to alleviate loneliness or picking up food donations from supermarkets and delivering them to the food bank or sorting parcels at a food bank or doing some gardening outside libraries and community centres.... www.gov.uk/volunteering

But first you need to address what sounds like possible anxiety and/or depression. You seem very hard on yourself and it will be difficult to get the motivation and confidence to start a task if you're battling your mental health without any help.

I can live with the not being academic.

But I can't even do the other stuff either.

This sounds bad but I definitely don't want to volunteer. I'm actually feeling really selfish at the moment. I just want something that's purely for me. I know that's selfish but that's how I feel just now.

Fixing plumbing for example is like a one of thing. Not something that is on going.

OP posts:
AlbaAurora · 04/09/2023 21:28

Learning a language with an app like Duolingo? It's your own pace and starts very basic

Original poster
Losttrack · 04/09/2023 21:29

LIZS · 04/09/2023 21:22

If you can visit a local library they often have drop-in family history sessions where volunteers can help you unravel such issues and explain what you are looking at. Do you have any help with your dc? Can they come along with you or you access any caring support to enable you to do so?

I keep saying I can't do things out side of the home. Groups , library, courses etc. It's impossible I simply can't. I'm on constant borrowed time.

OP posts:
Original poster
Losttrack · 04/09/2023 21:33

AlbaAurora · 04/09/2023 21:28

Learning a language with an app like Duolingo? It's your own pace and starts very basic

Lovely suggestion
Would love to talk another language. But it would not sink in. That's not me being negative. It really wouldn't

OP posts:
LIZS · 04/09/2023 21:38

There are websites, online genealogy courses and podcasts, run by Find My Past, Ancestry, futurelearn and National Archives which might give you ideas.

It is not clear what challenges to accessing support and getting out you face, but perhaps starting to address those would open up more fulfilling opportunities for you and your family in future.

Meltinthemiddle · 04/09/2023 21:39

Do you have a sort of diagnosis op? Is there any thing you enjoy doing or find rewarding? I sometimes feel like I am not good at anything, it's my confidence and anxiety that lead.me to have self doubt and go into flight mode. I

Original poster
Losttrack · 04/09/2023 21:51

Meltinthemiddle · 04/09/2023 21:39

Do you have a sort of diagnosis op? Is there any thing you enjoy doing or find rewarding? I sometimes feel like I am not good at anything, it's my confidence and anxiety that lead.me to have self doubt and go into flight mode. I

I don't have a diagnosis of anything. But there must be something due to the fact I did not go to a mainstream school. I know I have dyslexia also the number form of dyslexia. And I have another type of learning difficulty but I don't know what it is. All I know is that from the age of 8. My mum told me I was going to a special school and a bus would pick me up. I said OK. That was it. I never questioned it. Even when I was 15/16. How can I be so dumb notvtk question anything. Now I basically know sweet fa about myself

OP posts:
CyberCritical · 04/09/2023 21:57

@Losttrack it seems like that would be a place to start. Ask your mum if you can, if not then you can contact your old school and ask for a copy of your records ico.org.uk/for-the-public/schools/pupils-info/

It may also be worth asking your GP to see if anything was ever added to your medical records, you might be able to access those yourself by signing up to the NHS app, you'll need your NHS number.