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Original poster

Apparently I'm a Trustee on the life insurance of a friend who ghosted me years ago, what do I do?

49 replies

loooooongstory · 01/09/2023 19:49

Looong story and I did post about it at the time but no idea where to find the thread.

Long story short. Friend ghosted me/dumped me about 3.5 years ago. Not long after I finally spoke up about her DH's coercive control towards her.

She then wanted to remain in a group chat with a load of other mutual friends and me. So she didn't want to be my friend, but she did want to look like she was my friend on the group chat.

Anyway, I buggered off out of the group chat because fuck that shit.

So she popped up again around November 2020 with an email about 'legal stuff' and her wanting to know if she should remove me as a trustee on her life insurance policy (something I had agreed to when we were friends). I assumed she had done this, because her email said she had.

Today I've had a letter from Legal and General about my trusteeship of the life insurance policy for her and the dickhead she has the misfortune to be married to.

I really don't want to open a can of worms with her, I have no interest in having any contact with her whatsoever.

Has anyone any idea how I can sort this out without involving her? Can I just write to Legal and General and ask to be removed? Weird thing is it's about 5 or 6 years since I agreed to be a trustee for her and this is the first time I've ever had a single piece of communication about it.

OP posts:
Ohthatsabitshit · 01/09/2023 19:50

I’d just ignore it

Original poster
loooooongstory · 01/09/2023 19:51

Ohthatsabitshit · 01/09/2023 19:50

I’d just ignore it

Thank you.

This is my gut instinct, too.

Anything else feels like going back on no contact.

OP posts:
Mandyintheskywithdiamonds · 01/09/2023 19:51

I'd ask to be removed.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Relationship problems
Original poster
loooooongstory · 01/09/2023 19:52

Mandyintheskywithdiamonds · 01/09/2023 19:51

I'd ask to be removed.

And this is also sensible advice!!

Argh!!

OP posts:
CaptainMyCaptain · 01/09/2023 19:53

I'd ask for it to be removed.

OhDoh · 01/09/2023 19:55

I'd ask to be removed.

HamishTheCamel · 01/09/2023 19:56

I’d contact the insurer and ask to be removed. Otherwise you may find yourself having to be involved, better to sort out now.

LlawerOCrap · 01/09/2023 19:56

Has one of them died? Maybe have a google/look on Facebook. And then ask to be removed either way.

AlisonDonut · 01/09/2023 19:56

What does the letter actually say?

Mandyintheskywithdiamonds · 01/09/2023 19:58

loooooongstory · 01/09/2023 19:52

And this is also sensible advice!!

Argh!!

Show quote history

The reason I said that was that I was once Trustee for something for someone and we fell out. I had certain duties as a Trustee and I couldn't do them because she was plain awkward.

Eventually I contacted the solicitor and had my name taken off the document. So now the solicitor does them and no doubt my arsey ex-friend will get a bill.

declutteringmymind · 01/09/2023 19:58

Just phone them up, tell them that you have not had contact with this person and you would like your name removed. That you were under the impression that it had already been arranged.

You don't need it hanging over your head.

Diffrent · 01/09/2023 19:58

Write or email back asking to be removed and state that you won't be entering into any further correspondence about it. And keep a copy of the letter/email.

Lavender14 · 01/09/2023 20:00

I'm to be honest a bit shocked that you're so done with her given the awful relationship you know her to be in unless there's more to it that hasn't been said her. If that was my friend I'd be doing anything possible to keep a line of communication open incase things got worse and she needed to get out. I would imagine her husband has forced her to shut you out and by her staying in the group chat that was her way to try to keep you in her life in a safe way for her. I also imagine she wants you as the trustee because she doesn't want it to be her dh and if she tried to change it then he will insist that it's him which could make her even more vulnerable. I would try to reach out to her directly in a way that he can't over hear and say you got the letter and weren't sure what to do and leave it to her to amend. Then you've done right by her and let her make the decision.

Mammyloveswine · 01/09/2023 20:02

Lavender14 · 01/09/2023 20:00

I'm to be honest a bit shocked that you're so done with her given the awful relationship you know her to be in unless there's more to it that hasn't been said her. If that was my friend I'd be doing anything possible to keep a line of communication open incase things got worse and she needed to get out. I would imagine her husband has forced her to shut you out and by her staying in the group chat that was her way to try to keep you in her life in a safe way for her. I also imagine she wants you as the trustee because she doesn't want it to be her dh and if she tried to change it then he will insist that it's him which could make her even more vulnerable. I would try to reach out to her directly in a way that he can't over hear and say you got the letter and weren't sure what to do and leave it to her to amend. Then you've done right by her and let her make the decision.

This..,

Original poster
loooooongstory · 01/09/2023 20:04

Here

Apparently I'm a Trustee on the life insurance of a friend who ghosted me years ago, what do I do?
OP posts:
Rosecoffeecup · 01/09/2023 20:04

You'll probably need to complete a deed of retirement or similar. As a trustee you own the legal title to the policy and this will need to be transferred to a new trustee (or if there's others already appointed, it will remain with them)

Call L&G and they'll explain what to do

Original poster
loooooongstory · 01/09/2023 20:04

Lavender14 · 01/09/2023 20:00

I'm to be honest a bit shocked that you're so done with her given the awful relationship you know her to be in unless there's more to it that hasn't been said her. If that was my friend I'd be doing anything possible to keep a line of communication open incase things got worse and she needed to get out. I would imagine her husband has forced her to shut you out and by her staying in the group chat that was her way to try to keep you in her life in a safe way for her. I also imagine she wants you as the trustee because she doesn't want it to be her dh and if she tried to change it then he will insist that it's him which could make her even more vulnerable. I would try to reach out to her directly in a way that he can't over hear and say you got the letter and weren't sure what to do and leave it to her to amend. Then you've done right by her and let her make the decision.

I only read the first two lines but I'm not 'done with her'

She dumped me then ghosted me. So that was that.

OP posts:
Original poster
loooooongstory · 01/09/2023 20:12

Also, I have tried the web link on that letter to try and remove myself but it's asking for their address (I don't know it) her husband's date of birth (I don't know it) so I can't get anywhere with that.

OP posts:
ShineBright1209 · 01/09/2023 20:15

That’s a bit random to receive after all these years. I haven’t got a clue when it comes to things like this but maybe your friend had been asked to review her policy/maybe made changes to it so they’re just checking all details held are correct. I’d say there’s probably a reason why she still wants you as the trustee because if I truly didn’t want anything to do with someone they wouldn’t be the person I’d trust with something this important.
Is there a possibility that she told her husband what you said about him and he’s the one behind her no longer being able to be your friend?

Mandyintheskywithdiamonds · 01/09/2023 20:17

loooooongstory · 01/09/2023 20:12

Also, I have tried the web link on that letter to try and remove myself but it's asking for their address (I don't know it) her husband's date of birth (I don't know it) so I can't get anywhere with that.

Use the helpline as they suggest.

Surely there is a Ref No on the letter that you can use when you ring up?

Original poster
loooooongstory · 01/09/2023 20:20

I'll try and find the email she sent where she ranted about how she was going to remove me.

OP posts:
WhoPutCrabsticksInMyBedroom · 01/09/2023 20:20

I'd return to sender saying not known at this address but probably would say I'm dead- but I'm not funny about things like that

Original poster
loooooongstory · 01/09/2023 20:26

So November 2020 she sent me an email with various things, it was definitely written by her not her DH and she raised me being a Trustee on this thing (which I had actually forgotten so asked her to clarify what she meant).

She responded with the attached. I have no idea why she hasn't done this.

As for the ridiculous nonsense about how I could disinherit your child I hope you can see why I don't really want to get drawn into this.

Apparently I'm a Trustee on the life insurance of a friend who ghosted me years ago, what do I do?
OP posts:
jallopeno · 01/09/2023 20:27

Rosecoffeecup · 01/09/2023 20:04

You'll probably need to complete a deed of retirement or similar. As a trustee you own the legal title to the policy and this will need to be transferred to a new trustee (or if there's others already appointed, it will remain with them)

Call L&G and they'll explain what to do

This

Rosecoffeecup · 01/09/2023 20:29

loooooongstory · 01/09/2023 20:20

I'll try and find the email she sent where she ranted about how she was going to remove me.

I wouldn't even bother with that - you need to call L&G and tell them you want to retire as a trustee and need them to send you the appropriate deed for this. Explain to them that you are no longer in contact with the settlor (your friend), they will have dealt with this scenario before and will be able to facilitate a deed needing to be signed by both you and her. A trust is a legal agreement, this won't be sorted out by an email.

Deal with it now, otherwise if - God forbid - a claim is made, you'll just have an even bigger headache trying to sort it out then