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Original poster

I cannot parent anymore

88 replies

DueyCheatemAndHow · 30/08/2023 15:03

I'm at my absolute wits end. They are 4 and 2 and the demands, the changing goalposts, the absolute non stop talking, the arguments. I feel dizzy from having to talk so much. The 2 year olds tantrums are horrific. The 4 year old must have ADHD. He does not stop. Ever. Anything that happens requires me. He doesn't do anything and I mean ANYTHING alone. The park this morning ended with me telling them a story then pretending they were golf balls. Then the whole way home of him talking and asking about electric cars.

Nothing goes by without a question or a demand for an explanation, a negotiation, a battle

6 weeks of just me and them and honestly i feel like I've lost my soul.

OP posts:
Original poster
DueyCheatemAndHow · 30/08/2023 15:06

Looking at other families on days out breaks my heart. They aren't constantly talking, setting boundaries, saying 'no don't touch that'. He cannot just be at all. I asked him to play in the garden for 5 minutes yesterday. He just pulled on the washing line then snapped it

OP posts:
fearfuloffluff · 30/08/2023 15:25

Do you have a partner or any help? Could you afford holiday clubs next year? Is your ds getting any kind of assessment for ADHD?

Sympathy, it's v hard. I used to take mine to big open spaces and let them jump around a lot.

fearfuloffluff · 30/08/2023 15:25

What happens if you tell ds you want five minutes peace? Set an egg timer etc?

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thecatinthetwat · 30/08/2023 15:31

At this age I would give mine a bit more to do eg. Big bowl of water in the garden with toys to dump in or to blow bubbles etc. get out a simple jigsaw and hide the pieces around the house/garden and set him a challenge etc. it’s hard at that age.

frootitootie · 30/08/2023 15:31

Can you afford any childcare? We have a neighbours daughter who pops along and does some child minding. I get very stressed and depressed without a break.

Ps it will get better

Original poster
DueyCheatemAndHow · 30/08/2023 15:32

I'm trying to push for assessment but the Dr is being - small we say - difficult. He is on a private waiting list but they say they can't diagnose at this age.

He just ignores a timer. He can't even wait for a short phone call. Only TV works. I'm honestly broken.

OP posts:
Eachpeachpears · 30/08/2023 15:50

Op I'm with you. Could have written this myself. Yesterday ds asked me who made usain bolt... sometimes it takes the piss because I don't know the answers!
We are nearly there. It's nearly September! Hang in there.

jannier · 30/08/2023 15:55

At 4 you can go to a children's center or HV and ask for support or a referral it starts with speech and language

coxesorangepippin · 30/08/2023 15:59

Sounds totally normal tbh

It is relentless

Mariposista · 30/08/2023 16:29

How do they behave at nursery? Could the hyper activeness be boredom?

BodegaSushi · 30/08/2023 16:31

DueyCheatemAndHow · 30/08/2023 15:32

I'm trying to push for assessment but the Dr is being - small we say - difficult. He is on a private waiting list but they say they can't diagnose at this age.

He just ignores a timer. He can't even wait for a short phone call. Only TV works. I'm honestly broken.

Then go easy on yourself. Let him watch TV. It is EXHAUSTING.

Is he school age? Hopefully the end is nigh?

BodegaSushi · 30/08/2023 16:32

coxesorangepippin · 30/08/2023 15:59

Sounds totally normal tbh

It is relentless

It really doesn't. I work in childcare and children like the OP describes aren't the norm.

Cattlepillar · 30/08/2023 16:33

Eachpeachpears · 30/08/2023 15:50

Op I'm with you. Could have written this myself. Yesterday ds asked me who made usain bolt... sometimes it takes the piss because I don't know the answers!
We are nearly there. It's nearly September! Hang in there.

DD is going through a why, why, why phase at the moment. If it's a reasonable question I'll try and answer but if it's just silly I'll say "that's not a why question" which tends to throw her off for a bit.

Original poster
DueyCheatemAndHow · 30/08/2023 16:34

Yes I try and challenge, especially if he's asked the same question several times

OP posts:
Original poster
DueyCheatemAndHow · 30/08/2023 16:36

Yes he is the oldest in his year, school starts next week tho only half days for 2 weeks.

Pre school reports are glowing. He can already read and write, he is way ahead of his peers.

OP posts:
Jamtartforme · 30/08/2023 16:37

thecatinthetwat · 30/08/2023 15:31

At this age I would give mine a bit more to do eg. Big bowl of water in the garden with toys to dump in or to blow bubbles etc. get out a simple jigsaw and hide the pieces around the house/garden and set him a challenge etc. it’s hard at that age.

Ideas like this are great in theory but then just create yet more work. I would have to empty one of the plastic tubs (used to store bottles etc currently) fill it up, change DC into clothes I don’t mind if she wrecks them, send them outside. They would probably pay attention for all of 5/10 minutes before wanting to do something else, leaving me with a pile of soggy toys to dry, a tub to rinse out and clothes needing to be changed. Probably a few arguments along the way as she would want to dunk her soft toys in, or something belonging to me, or wouldn’t keep still while I was drying her off…

mathanxiety · 30/08/2023 16:39

TV is truly your friend here.

Use it.

You need time to inhabit your own head in peace.

Original poster
DueyCheatemAndHow · 30/08/2023 16:39

Yes. The '5 minutes mum' stuff just doesn't work.they do like making 'tea' that works for a bit.

OP posts:
InvincibleInvisibility · 30/08/2023 16:41

I have 2 boys with adhd.

At that age they HAD to be taken out twice a day rain or shine. (We only didn't go out in a heatwave). Long walks, cycle rides, scooters. Challenging climbing frames (our philosophy is if they can climb on it by themselves they can play on it regardless of age recommendations).

Short breaks for everyone with the TV morning, early afternoon and early evening. Things like CBoogie Beebies was great. Also lots of songs on youtube about the solar system/counting etc. So I could kid myself it was educational.

InvincibleInvisibility · 30/08/2023 16:43

They loved making cakes and biscuits. Yes its potentially a mess (one was very neat, one wasn't). But you get nice food out of it which is better than a random drawing/painting!

Also when hot and I was fed up Id just shove them both in the bath with some toys and Id sit in with them and veg.

OhamIreally · 30/08/2023 16:43

DueyCheatemAndHow · 30/08/2023 16:34

Yes I try and challenge, especially if he's asked the same question several times

My DD has ADHD if she asks me the same thing I reply "asked and answered".

Whyohwhyohwhy123 · 30/08/2023 16:48

Sounds a bit like my two. We spend a lot of time outdoors. Walking, poking round in woodlands, looking at different things on beach or grass or wherever we are. My eldest is constant questions.
It is hard going and it’s hard to put activities out, do them with them clear up and get the next one out without the break times etc teachers get to change activities (I am an ex teacher). I do try to break the day into chunks and use tv as the change over time.
Its worth finding a holiday club as well.

Woahtherehoney · 30/08/2023 16:54

My DSS sound similar and is 4 - we’re also on the ADHD pathway.

the only time he can self entertain is watching his switch, which we don’t like him doing too much. But it’s relentless - I needed to make a quick work call and in that time he tipped the cats water fountain upside down, took all the washing off the line and emptied his toy box on the floor - because he couldn’t get my attention for a few minutes.

I only have him and that’s 5 days a week so I do sympathise what it must be like with two.

you’re doing a great job OP.

Ughhelp · 30/08/2023 17:02

Can you get them involved in things you are doing - gardening, cooking.

Look for any educational programmes. Reading Eggs. Scratch JR is good as an intro to coding, though he will need to be a bit older.

Original poster
DueyCheatemAndHow · 30/08/2023 17:16

They get involved with loads cooking, gardening, washing etc. I cannot do anything without their involvement. I'm late on (terrified I'm pregnant) and i needed to get a test. DS would not stop asking what I needed to get in the shop. He cannot leave anything alone.

I feel like I'm having an out of body experience.

OP posts: