I cannot parent anymore

[DueyCheatemAndHow]

I'm at my absolute wits end. They are 4 and 2 and the demands, the changing goalposts, the absolute non stop talking, the arguments. I feel dizzy from having to talk so much. The 2 year olds tantrums are horrific. The 4 year old must have ADHD. He does not stop. Ever. Anything that happens requires me. He doesn't do anything and I mean ANYTHING alone. The park this morning ended with me telling them a story then pretending they were golf balls. Then the whole way home of him talking and asking about electric cars.

Nothing goes by without a question or a demand for an explanation, a negotiation, a battle

6 weeks of just me and them and honestly i feel like I've lost my soul.

Have you taken the test?

DH got one and got clear blue. I'm not confident of dates but I'm tempted to do one now just to see

Get it out the way as the stress is probably triggering your feelings of not coping x

Sounds an awful lot like dgs who is exhausting. On the days I do childcare I feel absolutely exhausted afterwards as he never stops not even for a minute. Oh and he doesn't watch TV either, has a deep dislike for the TV.
Like your ds dgs is really bright as well, the things he knows and the vocabulary he uses astounds me. He told dd off for being surly yesterday, have no clue where he got that from. There is plenty of ASD in our family but I'm as sure as I can be that dgs is NT as he has no difficulties socially or with his play, or with change and he is really well behaved just very demanding of your input.
Things that help, exercising him like a dog not necessarily in parks as they hype him up but out on the trails and in the woods where he can explore. He knows a lot about flowers and wildlife as a result and his constant questioning doesn't seem as bad out and about.
Board games, we play lots and lots of board games because it lets me sit down and he is already picking up strategy and tactics.
He likes to help so we bake, he helps with chores, sorts clothes, pairs socks, sweeps and dusts, sets the table, washes dishes and cutlery, makes his sandwich etc. it takes longer but things get done and he is entertained for a while
I set stuff out on the garden for him to do a tub of water jugs and funnels paintbrushes and he paints my fences and generally gets wet through. I put paints and paper out there or craft stuff and glue sticks. One of his favourits things is a ball of wool to make a spider web by threading it through garden furniture and making handprint spiders to stick on the webs. Yes I have to sit and watch or join in but it keeps him busy.
Of course I only have dgs part time and dd is similarly exhausted both she and I will be glad when he goes to school next week.

Definitely do a test now to get it done. If you’re late on then it should be positive by now if you are.

It's negative but I'm not 100% I'm late yet.

Keep checking. Does the 2 year old show any signs of ADHD? I've found between 2/3 you start to notice they are just more 'active' than their peers. 2 with ADHD will be a handful, to put it mildly.

No we don't think so

DH and I are seriously kn the rocks too. (He's had a vasectomy but hasn't had the test yet)

@DueyCheatemAndHow I could have written you posts (except the pregnancy and husband bit). I'm at my wits end too. My son is 4 (5 in September) and never stops either. It's either talking non stop, tantrum or tv. If I go upstairs to the toilet for a break he will follow me. I've no advice except fingers crossed your DC and mine will calm down once they start school. Mine is ready for the challenge of school so 🤞it works. Each day I'm just waiting for bedtime to have a couple of hours of peace. Nearly bedtime for today. However I'll be wanting the holidays again by this time next week as I'll be back to work.

All the more reason to take it easy. Let him have more TV until he's into the full school routine. You can't possibly work on your relationship if you're running on empty.

My daughter was like this and I thought she had ADHD. I was ruined!
She's now 14 and hasn't got ADHD. She is smart, independent and organised. I think she was just bored.

Oh also. My daughter was the oldest in the year.

Sounds like lots of other stressors aren't helping op...

Did you ever do cosmic kids yoga? Free on YouTube. I used to do it with kids in lockdown, they followed wonderfully and it calmed us all down. Also go noodle channel - telly but with actions so it tires them out a bit.

With the endless questions - I used to pause for a few seconds to think because I think they like batting q&a like ping pong, then answer sometimes at length to almost boredom level. Just avoiding the question - one line answer to and fro. Or if he can write, say 'write down all your questions and we'll go through them at the end of the day.'

That sounds so tough. Will they follow Cosmic Kids yoga, at least for a 20 minute break. https://cosmickids.com

Jve just come back from my walk. Its been an hour this is an evaporation line... right?

You need a huge list of activities (jobs) that you can use as breaks for yourself. The fact he can read is brilliant and will make things much easier.

Hunts
Alphabet hunt,
write the alphabet on a piece of paper. Get child to collect a thing for each letter and tick them off. Have a cup of coffee or paint toenails while they collect things.

Animal hunt
collect tray of plastic animals, take photo and print it out, hide animals, give children photocopy to tick off animals, Have a cup of coffee or paint toenails while they collect things.

Treasure hunt
Hide small treasure (eg biscuit/remote control), write on post it where treasure is (eg in hat on landing), hide post it, write on next post it where that is, repeat about ten times, give them the last post it to start the hunt, Have a cup of coffee or paint toenails while they collect things.

Matching socks
sweeping up lentils
chalk
washing towels
washing toys
matching shoes
sorting books
sorting toys

I think that’s positive

Mine were similar.
Once you get this frazzled it’s hard to come back from.

The only things that helped me;

Cinema works!
Soft play twice a week for as long as possible
Babysitter
Active Clubs for the 4 yr old
TV whilst you sleep for half an hour

Your list is lovely. When you are truly burnt out there is no energy to achieve anything beyond the basics

I think you might be pregnant op

OP that looks positive to me

Ohhh I have two like this, DC1 never stops talking and DC2 never stops moving. When DC1 is absent then DC2 starts talking non stop (making up for lost time). Yes TV was my only saviour for a while, they probably watched far too much but it was absolutely necessary.

It got a LOT better when they discovered books. Thankfully both early readers. If your DS can already read then loving books is not far off, hopefully. Books (anytime but especially for queues/waiting rooms), audiobooks (car journeys) and screen time (break for me) have been my saviours.

Oh christ, I hope for you that’s an evap

🙄