Water safety - family member with pond

[SOSWhen]

Hi, my sister and her partner have just bought a lovely new house with a garden pond. Pond is completely unsecured. They don’t have children so don’t have any intention of securing the pond however I have a 10 month old who will soon be moving.

im already nervous about the pond and plan to of course watch my child closely if we ever visit but also human nature is that if we are there and it’s a big group of people (often happens as they hosted alot of gatherings and bbq etc in their old house) that myself or DH might get distracted.

any tips for keeping child safe or what you would do in this situation? I was wondering if I should buy those child rein things For when we visit and literally tie the child to me.

they can’t have kids and are super excited about cultivating the pond and enjoying it as a feature for their guests so I know they wouldn’t fill it in or put A big security mesh over it for child safety.

I think you are right to be concerned when visiting and yes it would be unreasonable to ask them to put in safety measures as they do t have children and are super excited about making a feature of it.

Clearly the most important thing for you to do ( as you would anyway) is be super conscious and vigilant. Reins would help but to be honest the best thing to do is to recognise the danger and be watchful which you would obviously from by making this post in the first place.

I would not allow my dc to go to the house if I was not present myself and I would be physically with my dc at all times.

@MissHavershamReturns that’s a good point about not letting child go without me as there is a possibility of her going with grandparents etc. DH and I have already decided we will do shifts of making sure we are 100% focus on minding when there but I am still worried about that 5 min distraction. The pond is close to their patio it would only take a few mins distraction for child to be in it. To be honest I’m completely stressed out about it and the prospect of having to be on high alert for years of visits as my baby is only starting to move!

The obvious answer is that you absolutely cannot be distracted, ever. You and your husband are going to have to be highly vigilant, and when in bigger crowds, you can never assume that "someone" is watching your child. My husband and I dealt with this at one of my relative's home. It's just part of being a parent.

With your sister's permission, you could get a water alarm that you could use when at her home. Obviously, it would not negate constant supervision, but it could offer you a bit of stress relief.

Sadly there is someone local to us and their child lost their life in a pond

You’ll have to be on full alert all the time you’re visiting. Follow your child and don’t let them near the pond. It will disrupt your visits as you’ll be behind your kid the whole time. Your child will learn not to go close to the pond but you can never trust them on this. Even a bucket of water, a water feature and troughs etc can be a danger to kids. See if your sister would agree to some safety features that she could put up for guests and remove afterwards. I’m thinking of a trellis type fence that could be pulled around it. But even this could create a false sense of security. I once visited an empty house for sale with a large pond. The pond was green like the grass. I said to the neighbours, who introduced themselves, to watch out if their kids ever went into that garden.

There are lots of times as a parent where you can’t be distracted — in the airport, near a busy road, near a body of water of any kind. It’s usually only a few hours at a time and most of us manage it without too much trouble, then go home to our child-safe houses and relax. You have to pay attention but I never thought about it being particularly difficult. Do you and your husband both have severe ADHD pr some other issue that makes you think you both won’t be able to manage?

My in laws have a pond OP and I've got a little one, but even at family gatherings you'll be clued up. You'll just automatically go into super alert mode because you know there's a pond.

It's like going to a house with a pool. One of You has to be on 24/7 supervision. To be honest, at the age your child is until at least 4, you're going to be watching them anyway at someone else's house.

You're just going to have to supervise for much longer.

Both my dad and my in laws have ponds. I’ve just always made sure we are watching the kids. We have never had any problems.

Just don’t let them out of your sight when you’re there.

Our garden is one giant water hazard. You learn to be vigilant.

Probably extreme, but I'd not actually go.

any tips for keeping child safe or what you would do in this situation?

Don't get distracted

Given that you envisage family barbeques you would be used to being hyper vigilant anyway ,fire ,cutlery ,sharp knives, pets and raw food . Socialising with a toddler is hard work . You can never switch off .

I agree @guiltyfeethavegotnorythym
Until age 3/4 they need watching regardless.

There's distracted and then not watching your child where you know there is a pond. I'm not even sure I've ever been to a party and not known where my 10 month old is. If you're that easily distracted get reins but it seems ridiculous.

There absolutely cannot be any distraction, not even 5 seconds. I sadly speak from experience. I came so so close to losing my daughter last year, 2 at the time - to the extent she was resuscitated in front of my eyes. Thankfully and very luckily she's here to tell the tale. In our case it was a simple moment of distraction with her younger brother and her Dad and I both attending him, but it really does just take a split second for something awful to happen.

Don’t get distracted then - you’re both going to be there so you should be able to prevent anything happening if you both pay attention

You can't fence off part of someone else's garden at a party or family gathering ffs! 😳

Just have to be extra extra vigilant as to where your child is at all times.

You can't get distracted, ever. My friend has a pool which is incredibly secure, she also makes sure that all guests are aware she has a pool and if it will be unlocked for general use during a party/bbq. When someone wants to swim her rule is that somebody must be poolside observing, this applys even if your an adult who swam in the Olympics. She doesn't take risks around bodies of water, no matter how small.

People live in houses with rivers, lakes and by the beach with young children, children can drown in baths and buckets so of course care and attention needs to happen but there is no need not to visit and to get hysterical about it (not aiming that at the op)

You just have to be vigilant. As you would in a public place, at the beach etc. 10 months is too young to understand fully but soon you'll be able to set simple rules and say "don't go near the pond unless mummy/daddy holds your hand" and then reinforce it constantly.
Depending on the type of gatherings (just close family?) you could always take a pop up play tent and shove a load of her toys in it, mine used to play for hours like that!

@Aquamarine1029 what is a water alarm / how does it work?